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Growing up I was never the problem child - in fact, I probably strived for perfection more than a child should. I always knew my brain worked differently, though. I was the daydreamer. Always staring out the window. Never knowing which exciting thought to focus on. Constantly being coaxed back into reality.

Undergrad was hard. The lack of structure threw me into a tailspin. The only time I could find solace was when I had million things on my plate and my anxiety could kick me into hyperdrive. 

Life felt like a manic pixie nightmare. Sometimes wonderous, sometimes disastrous. Always messy.

Now, here I am - 26 years old, a PhD student, and newly diagnosed as having ADHD. I feel validated. I feel excited. I finally feel like I understand why my brain works the way that it does. 

This is just the start of a very new chapter for me and I don’t think I could be more excited.

3•31•21

I have a dissertation adviser!!

For context, my PhD program gives us our first year to solidify an adviser. Everyone else in my cohort had already made headway on putting together a committee and there I was, severe rejection-avoidance, too scared to email the person I would like to work with.

ARE THERE REALLY PEOPLE THAT NATURALLY FEEL LIKE THIS?!

Have you ever read an article that has set off unstoppable fireworks in your mind?

I’ve been searching for the right words/theory that would tie my research together - a process that has been incredibly frustrating. Then this morning I read an article for an Issues in Rhetorical Theory seminar, only to find the theory I’ve been searching for. I feel as though all the puzzle pieces are coming together.

3•17•2021

Stimulus check ✅ COVID Vaccine ✅ Fall class registration ✅

see a handy link? put it in the right channel! not lost forever to my tumblr likes, not left up as a tab on my browser to gather dust.

you can even find some fun surprises in there when you’re like me and sometimes forget you send yourself things like a squirrel forgets where they buried their nuts for the winter!!

look at that. a shit ton of channels with helpful dates and everything to remember when the fuck my forgetful ass put it there.

“rae why do you have three different reminder channels” look I didn’t say the system was perfect I just said it worked

reminders - general stuff I want to come back to soon-ish

date-based reminders - stuff that has an actual hard deadline for my google docs calendar that I also have to manage religiously if I want to function as a person

adhd reminders - depending on how functional I am that day, I can write down everything I want to get done or just one thing I want to remember to look for/do that I keep forgetting every three seconds