#adhd memory problems

"Tell me how it happened then." they reply

"I can't remember how it happened but I know it wasn't like that" you chuckle dryly. They're doing it again

"Oh so you conveniently can't remember now?" They cross their arms, disbelief on their face

"I don't forget things on purpose." You cross yours. Shit not again...please not again...

"Just like you don't choose to forget doing all the important things you need to do to make my life easier right?" They step closer. Raising their voice louder.

You hated when they raised their voice.

"I don't choose to forget!" You shout in desperation that they'll listen.

"Don't raise your voice at me. Fix your face, you're acting like I told you something wrong-"

"But you're not listening to me!" You say stronger this time, trying not to shout.

"No you're not listening to me! You actively forgot to-"

"I didn't forget on purpose!" You plead "I don't do it on purpose! I just forget sometimes! Maybe to often but it's not my fault! I don't do it on purpose!" Your eyes are tearful but no water was spilled yet. Why couldn't you defend yourself without crying?

"Why are you crying? You have no reason to be crying right now" They crossed their arms again. Looking at you dead in your face.

You take a deep breath in and then a deep breath you. Clenching and unclenching your fists. You blink back the tears and try to swallow the lump in your throat that seems to have grown bigger since last time. Don't fight it. It always ends the same so why do you even try? Just accept it. If they say you did it on purpose maybe you did. Maybe you just convinced yourself you didn't.

"Fine...you're right, whatever. I forgot on purpose 'cause I didn't wanna do it in the first place" You mumble. Your head hangs low at first but you raise it and look at them straight in the face. Deadpanned. No anger, no sadness. You just look at them.

"I don't know why you make us go through this every single time..." They begin to rant.

You've gotten used to drowning them out. You watch them pace up and down. Mixing the words they speak with the voices in your head. You try your best to make them as quiet as possible and pick out a random quote from one of your comfort people amidst the hurricane in your head. You feel your lips twitch as you stop yourself from smiling. This is what you've come too. But it's okay. You can hold out just a little bit longer.

Reblogs are turned off for this but fuckkkkk, is this accurate and painful. I’ve been searching for my kindle for days but finally gave up. I’ve torn my house apart searching for it and there’s just a big, blank space in my memory when I try to visualize where I last saw it. Or when I saw it. I truly have no idea.

It’s distressing. It’s embarrassing. I’m frustrated and angry and feel so, so stupid. How could I lose something I use consistently? Something I had no plans on replacing any time soon and haven’t budgeted for? Something my younger self would never have lost because of its expsense?

Yeah.

Back in my old city, I knew a family in my church because I’d taught all three of their kids on Sunday school, and because all three had attention issues I wound up having to sit with them one on one to help them stay interested in the classes. And this ended up with all three kids running to say hi (or take a flying leap to climb me like a play set) whenever they saw me in church.

So I wound up having to make small talk with this couple with their kids just hanging off me almost every other Sunday for three years, and at no point did we ever introduce ourselves to each other, because they thought that if their kids were so comfortable with me, then surely they already knew me, and I wasn’t about to ask because I never remember people I’ve already met. So it wound up with them knowing about my struggles with depression and my studies and my plans to move cities, and I knew about all of their kids milestones and was one of the first to meet their newborn, but like I had no idea who they were