#911 rambles

A kid conceived 2018(ssn1)/2019(ssn2) ish would be between 6-8 rn depending on exact timeline of conception and birth and shit.

Could this be a surprise kid that Buck didn't know about but gets custody of for hand-wavey show logic reasons? And the reason Eddie is "the only one who can help him" is either sudden fatherhood and/or he brings up how Buck has basically been helping raise Chris for years? Either to a social worker, their friends& family or Buck himself to show what a good father he already is? Proving Buck can be a good dad cause he already is.

chimney denying his own grief because he doesn’t feel like he deserves to still be here because bobby gave his life for his because he gets to keep breathing and hold his wife, and take his daughter to the park, and watch her grow up. bobby lost everything, built a whole new life and found his peace, and then died anyways. how was that fair? how was any of this real? how were they expected to just go on with their lives?

and eddie is angry. so so so fucking angry because he left LA and wasn’t there when bobby died. because he was 800 miles away when he got the news (from tommy fucking kinard of all people) and his first thought was immediately buck. he hates himself a little bit for that too. he’s angry at bobby, at his mom, at himself, at the entire fucking world. and he doesn’t know what to do with all of that rage, he doesn’t even know how to hold himself together. he wants to break things,

hen shoulders it the best. breaks down in the comfort of her bedroom in the middle of the night but no one else can see it. like maybe, just maybe if she smiles right it will fix everyone else’s pain too. she convinces chimney to go to therapy and helps eddie unpack so she can check on them, she checks on all of them. keeps her head up for athena, tries to absorb her pain through every hug. invites ravi around once a week for dinner under the guise that denny wants him to come hang out. because she can take all of their pain, and lock it away, trade away pierces of herself so she can pull her team - her family back together.

and buck? buck becomes numb to the entire world, has barely said a word since the day of the funeral. he gave a beautiful eulogy, and then the words just stopped. he moves through the house like a ghost, staring at walls for hours, eddie crouched in front of him pleading. it was like buck wasn’t even there, like he died along with bobby. and the worst thing was no one could handle seeing him like that, not buck; who was the sun personified.

ravi was the first person to find himself again after bobby died. and he felt a little horrible at that, maybe it was because he didn’t know bobby as well, or as long. he didn’t buy into the 118 codependency. but he quickly stopped lying to himself (he almost committed treason for them). he was just a little more emotionally healthy. he still felt a certain hollowness in his chest, and he will miss bobby to the day he dies. the only way out was through, so he endured and endured and endured. and every day it got a little easier.

grief isn’t linear, it can come in stages or all at once. it carves you out and leaves you hollow. it bleeds into every other emotion, but it does lessen with time.

I don't usually have a problem with Eddie's love interests, on the contrary, but for some reason this interaction - even though not even meant to be a love interest I think - annoys me so much 😂 maybe because when he's actually interested he's all stuttery and stupid (same) and not a smooth motherfucker like with Firefox

I also can't take this name seriously, like, who calls themselves that? That's a browser

I just can't look at his smug face any longer

The only thing that appeases me each time is how he begs her to follow Buck back on Instagram which is kind of sweet since he knows how much it means to Buck

I mean, do people watch the show for anything other than them???