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people gone hurt you and disrupt your inner peace and then block you and lie about what happened regarding why yāall aint talk anymore, and avoid the truth. they can abuse you, manipulate you, hurt you physically, neglect you, lie to you, gaslight, and string u along and STILL find a way to be abhorrent and say it was all your fault. people are some weirdos..... i cant fuck with yallĀ
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2017 was a good year. I have not been able to say that in the past few years, but damn it, 2017, for me personally, was a good year. It was a year that flew but also felt like forever. It was a year where I realized who my real friends are, where I learned how to become so much stronger by letting go and by being busy, where I learned that my life is transient and I have to stick with it no matter how much it hurts sometimes, where I truly, for the first time since 2014, can say that I think I am really, actually happy to be alive. I am too strong to feel otherwise. Even if Iām not happy all the time about it because, no doubt, I still have those incredibly low moments where I donāt leave my bed for an entire day because I just canāt get out, I can feel what itās like to have reasons for moving forward in amazing ways.
Things that have helped me believe in this year: 1. Friends. I have made some friends this year that I love so much, and feel that love in return. I have also lost some friends or seen who they really are and realized that I cannot change someone Iām unhappy with, and thatās ok. I canāt love everything about everyone.
2. Running an organization as president has been the hardest, but most rewarding task Iāve done in my life, and I love that I can be powerful enough to get shit done.
3. Becoming a real adult, which is scary but exciting. Getting into grad school, doing real people things.
4. Spending 3 months in Spain was the biggest highlight of my year. It was wonderful, and I miss that place dearly with all of my heart.
5. Thereās all the hatred that goes on in this world, but all the love that is stronger than hate. There is anger in me, and things I wish I could do in the world, but I am small. And Iāve started somewhere. And Iām powerful with what I can doā¦so far.
6. And then thereās the little things, like Sam Smithās new album, beautiful writing, bagels, goat cheese, words my patientās have said to me at the hospital, and something Iāve especially come to terms with this year: the unknown. I donāt know what I believe in spiritually, I donāt know who I will be working with in my career. I donāt know many things, but this all means I am open-minded, and Iām learning to love that uncertainty.
In 2018, I want to rid all the hatred in the world. But that is the most unmanageable place to start, so Iāll start with a disability advocacy event. I want to self-publish my poetry book and gain a following. I want to eat healthier and maybe find a workout I enjoy besides running. I want to travel this summer, but also work and learn how to better manage money. I want to continue to be strong, most importantly.
If youāve read this all (probably not because itās super long), happy new year, and cheers to 2017 but mostly cheers to the newness of 2018.
xx
Friendship is so much better than love and far too underrated. Nobody talks about those friendships that fail and break your heart, we only talk about love heartbreak; nobody talks about how inspiring and intriguing it is to deal with people whom support you can always count on; nobody talks about how much youāre thriving and shining when you cut toxic friends away from your life and make new ones, we only talk about toxic love; nobody talks about the happiness that friendship brings, which is so much more important than love because love fades and shatters and breaks, while friendship is a stronger bound, not so easily breakable if itās real.
I love having friends, having the people I can count on in my life, even if I can count them on one hand (literally, I trust 3 people).
Why doesnāt anyone talks about the power of a good friend, and we just focus on a good lover?
17ā somethings.
1. People will not value you the same as you value them.
2. Be an advocate for yourself. Push yourself. Step up and take action to get what you deserve.
3. Make decisions that benefit you. Stear clear of being prone to missing opprtunity by making poor decisions that could have been avoided.
4. Time is oh so, disrespectful. It waits for nothing and nobody. - the universe will communicate with you that itās time to have a sense of urgency to obtain what awaits you.
5. Donāt waste time extending invites to people who you know will not show up for. Only leaves room for empty promises and redundant conversations.
6. Itās can be challenging to decide whether or not to keep fighting for something but that grey area is called, faith.
7. Solitude is important.
8. Reflection is hands down the most important thing to do to get to know yourself. Without it, you maneuver through life wondering why certain things just keep following you.
9. Happiness is without a doubt found within.
10. Mind your business. Do your thing! The right things will be added to you, for sure.
11. Document everything. Take pictures, videos, write it down. Thereās no better feeling than to look back on memories. Ending a year is bittersweet because we can never relive the specific memories we created, so record it.
2017 is about to end and I just want to thank everybody-the people I met, the people who stayed and the people who left. Thank you for being part of my 2017.
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things I done did in 2017
- wrote and presented my senior seminar paper!
- got promoted at a job I loved
- quit a job I didnāt love
- became a vegetarian
- reached out to a soft boyā¢ļø from last year, experienced the same shit as before
- but! I cut him out of my life and I Feel Good
- got two knee injuries and a shoulder impingement
- began Ashtanga yoga
- watched great shows (Master of None, Insecure, Westworld, Atlanta, Search Party, etc.)
-saw Tei Shi live and wanted to die bc sheās a goddess
- graduated in the snow and ate pie with my best friend
TLDR: good year//shitty year//just a year
I really want to say that 2017 sucked, I mean 2016 was an absolutely horrible year and it certainly spilled a lot of its crap over into this year but like 2017 opened with the return of Ed and subsequently Divide (and all the awesomeness that it came with) and 2017 is closing with Reputation (slash the beginning of the Reputation era) so really I feel like I can't complain. Ed and Taylor made 2017 livable.
