i dont know if you understand how falling feels more like drowning when i’m alone in my room, my eyes making natural salt oceans, and you? you are too busy to hold my hand say it’ll be fine tell me that i am strong as hell even if it’s hell i am going through. that when i lose you i start getting heart palpitations and pounding because i know what it feels like and i cannot, will not feel that with you. so stop. stop please. do not let go because i have too much and there is too much and that is so much too—do not let go of my hand because if you do the ocean will start to make waves that aren’t safe for swimming and you will leave and i don’t think you can look me in the eyes and tell me for sure that you’re coming back. because you do not know if you can and you’ve been driven away and life is too damn hard but you’re trying. and so am i. and i guess trying is all that’s left to stop my heart from beating too fast.
