#200daysofwriting

In which we share the prompts used thus far and reflect a little.

Prompts used so far

Write something in the first person

Write something in the second person

Write something in the third person

Write a poem

If it gets bad, just writing can be the prompt. Don’t leave the page empty

Take a poetry book, grab a line, and continue from there

Write something using only dialogue

Write a piece about a missing person that was never reported missing

Continued from 8 (Burn from a curling iron)

Continued from 8+9 (teeth)

What is keeping you from working on _____? {Blueberry, a personal project}

Write about that moment when you are writing, and you feel the overwhelm of not knowing the end. Or whatever it is.

Change the sheet

Luck and Magical thinking - what is your relationship with these ideas

Continued from 8-10 (A handshake)

You haven’t been sleeping, have you?

Write a letter

Maybe

“I’m on my way somewhere, I swear,” Vincent Lima

Recap/reflection

I have continued a single piece for a couple days. For those days, I have offered an alternative prompt that you could use, or feel free to use that day to continue on something you have already started.

Photo by Hejar Shahabi on Unsplash

Hello, Welcome to day 20 of 200 days of writing

That is 10% done.

Amazing to think of it that way actaully. I feel like I just barely started, but really, I am 10 % of the way through.

I had every intention to write to a prompt today. I still might do a little handwriting, but I am not feeling very well. I’ve been looking at my computer for a while, and I tried to start a couple times, but I am very tired and a little sick, so I think I’ll just leave it to a reflection.

Writing it out now is coming much more freely than trying to write something creative. I feel like I am talking to you. Whoever you are.

I feel a little overwhelmed by the idea of the next 180 days. Feels like a lot, and it scares me a bit. It’s a lot of work. One to two hours when I get home from work, and some days when I am working 10 hours, it can be a lot. But I am not dreading those 180 days. I am excited and a bit surprised by that reaction.

Even though I am tired, there is no resentment towards the project.

Resentment is an interesting thing for me. I am trying to be more intentional about speaking up and stepping back before I am overcome so as not to create resentment later on. I have already seen a lot of positive effects of this at work. When I get home, I don’t get so bogged down. And with the writing, I think having the space to write nothing, not answering any prompt at all, and just posting some reflection or complaint has been very helpful.

And I do like the little doses of validation I get when someone likes something I have shared, but I also feel fine when a poem or post doesn’t get any reaction at all. That was something I was very worried about before starting. I thought I wouldn’t be getting any reactions at all. and that it would cause me to spiral down and quit. But actually, some people like this weird, unedited stuff I am posting, and I am very grateful for every like and comment I have been getting. (minus the bots, of course)

So far, I have been keeping it a secret from the people in my life. Not for fear of judgment but to keep myself from losing steam, but airing out the idea to others. I still think I will bring it up at some point. I am not ashamed of the project.

But really, I haven’t mentioned it. It is for me. All I say is that I am working on a writing project. I’ve been so motivated and consistent with something for the first time, and it has honestly been a little surprising. I want to thank Andy J. Pizza again because I don’t think I would have had the idea if I hadn’theard him talking about his a drawing a day project he did.

“Please, won’t you help me?”

And he’d scuttle back into his home. On the third day, the squirrel was getting restless. He wanted to feel the wind in his fur. He wanted to climb to the top of the trees.

The squirrel crept as close as he could to the opening in the tree trunk, listening for any sad little sniffles or scuffing hooves. All we heard was the faint whistle of the wind.

The squirrel poked his little nose out of the tree hole and sniffled. All he could smell was snow.

The squirrel popped his head out and peered around the forest floor. He saw nothing, just the snow that piled up over the last three days.

At last, the little squirrel could leave his home, feel the wind in his fur climb to the tops of the biggest trees. Before he knew it, he was scampering down the tree and scuttling around in the thick powder snow. The cold bit his tiny squirrel toes, and slow-falling snowflakes flew into his nose. He looked up into the trees, trying to decide which to climb. The sun shone so bright it tickled his nose, and he let out a great, terrible sneeze.

“Bless you,” came a soft voice from a snow drift next to the squirrel’s tree.

Photo by Klim Musalimov on Unsplash

Hello and welcome to day 32. This was all I could manage today. I have a lot that I am working on and trying to figure out, so I wasn’t able to write much more.

I like this little story, though. And it is pretty refreshing to write something for kids. There’s not a lot of pressure to sound cool or smart. You get to focus a lot more on the story.

I hope I get some more time to work on it soon, but I have a couple of large stressors that I need to deal with before I’ll have much free time.

102.5 all day staved off by chasing DayQuil.

My femurs hurt. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my head. And all the liquid in my body is being wrung out through my nose.

I don’t know, guys, I just don’t want to write anything today. 

I’m not sure what I want. 

I have been thinking about changing the way I set up this writing challenge. I have liked writing something new every day, but I have been wanting to work on a continuing project for a while. Even with all the anxiety and the overwhelm, I think I am feeling ready to work on one of my books. 

Prompt - Maybe

The broiler is on You left the broiler on It’s so hot when you use it.  It takes 15 minutes to walk to work You wouldn’t be able to run the whole way home You left the broiler on The broiler is still on The blow dryer is still plugged in You left the blow dryer plugged in when you left What if one of the cats jumps up on the sink Stella, who loves sink water,  And bumps the button Causing it to run for hours  And you don't know. And the hair you’ve been neglecting to clean out of the filter on the back Get sucked in and catch fire.  When you used it this morning, it smelled like burning And the cats, Belley, who is afraid of loud noises, Hides under the bed when the firemen come And dies from the fire. You said something rude just now You came off as so weird and slimy and conniving and egotistical and crude And weird and weird and weird and weird and weird and weird and weird and weird They think you are unreliable, that's why They are mad at you. You stink, you stink, you smell because you didn’t shower, you smell because there is something wrong with your body, no one will want to touch you or love you cause you smell, they can smell the litter box off you, you’ve gone nose blind to it The broiler is on You’re really just so weird and unpleasant to be around. They didn't ask you cause they really don’t like you very much. You’re talking too much. You’re going to get in trouble. You’re being loud again. You’re so weird. 

Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

hi

this one was tough

I think I have mentioned in a different post that my therapist and I have been talking about an OCD diagnosis.

My head often sounds like this, especially on days I haven’t slept well, I am stressed or if I am getting near my period. For a number of years, I have been very overwhelmed by these feelings. It was actually a really bad OCD episode that pushed me to find a therapist.

I thought I left the broiler on after making my bagel one morning. I was waiting for the bus, and I had the thought. What if I didn’t turn the broiler off? But the bus was coming. I couldn’t run back to my apartment and check, and still make that bus. It would be seven hours before I made it back home. I got on the bus. What if I didn’t turn the broiler off?What if I didn’t turn the broiler off?What if I didn’t turn the broiler off? Two stops later, I pulled the cord and rushed all the way home to check the broiler wasn’t on.

It wasn’t, and I was late for work.

That episode was just a piece of what led to a very bad panic attack later that day.

I used to think it was anxiety. I even had a therapist say that it was anxiety. I don’t think I even really showed her how much these thought loops and spirals inside my head. It isn’t just, I’m worried the broiler is on. It’s: the broiler is on, the broiler is on, the broiler is on, and the cats are going to die. Every time.

I have a lot of trouble with electrical appliances. Just like my mother.

I’m not sure what the next step is. Some day it will probably mean trying out some medication. I’ve tried a couple before and didn’t have the best luck, but like I said, we thought it was just anxiety. OCD is a different thing and needs to be treated as such. For right now, though, I think I am coping a lot better than I was when I had that panic attack, though every time I use the broiler, I have to check multiple times.

Earlier this year, I was learning a lot about dealing with OCD, and one of those posts was talking about responding to those OCD “what if’s” by saying “Maybe,” but saying it like Elijah Wood says it in the infamous “Will You Wear Wigs” interview.

I don’t know that it is actually good advice, but I have used it a number of times. I didn’t like the advice at first; it felt so callous to just shut away that worry. After some time, though, I think of it more as showing myself that I can’t ever have absolutes. My head wants 100% all of the time. But that’s not possible. I can’t be 100% sure the blow dryer is unplug and the cats aren’t on the bathroom counter, somehow pushing the button. Thats too many pieces for me to be 100% about.

so

You left the blow dryer plugged in

I’m not going to be able to post or write more than this today. I have come down with a cold or something again.

Today was my birthday party.

I have a friend over and we have been hanging out all day so I haven’t had any time to write. I am trying to write this now heavy blinking through the sleep.

This morning involved some tough conversations and I’ve realized I might have been wrong and scared about some things. It’s all a bit much and if I think about it now I won’t be able to sleep.