#18w1d

My little guy turned ONE today! Incredible and unbelievable that a year has gone by.

We spent the day opening (so, so many) gifts, napping, playing, eating yummy food, and of course, digging into some delicious cake. My parents came up to spend the afternoon with us and it was so nice getting to share his birthday with them.

My anxiety has definitely been worse lately. Today I was driving and thinking about the age difference between Kennedy and the new baby, and how old they’ll be when Kennedy’s turns 3 and instantly I felt this terrible pressure in my chest and constricting throat. Like my brain has difficulty actually allowing myself to imagine the baby alive. A few days ago I was looking up the size of the baby and telling Bill about it while also hearing in the back of my head “but they are probably dead by now”. I hate it. It’s constant and it’s horrible. I keep thinking about the anatomy scan coming up and how much I’m dreading it. I want to be excited to see them wiggling on the screen but all I can imagine is the dead silence in the room as the tech searches the screen. I can’t do it again.

We made up our shopping list for Tadpole today. I figured I’d post it on here just in case anyone has any suggestions! The numbers we got are from an online newborn checklist, so I don’t necessarily think we need that amount. We already have a crib which is why only the mattress is listed. And we separated a few things into a “want” category just as extras for when we finish shopping for the necessities. 

Necessities:

·         Folding changing pad for on the go

·         Baby bathtub

·         Crib mattress

·         Car seat

·         Stroller

·         Rocking chair

·         Baby carrier

·         Diaper bag

·         Bassinet

·         Dresser

·         8 onesies (short and long sleeves)

·         5 nightgowns

·         8 sleeper pjs

·         7 pairs of pants

·         3 newborn hats

·         8 pairs of socks

·         2 pairs of scratch mittens

·         Baby laundry detergent

·         4 outfits

·         8 receiving blankets

·         Burp cloths

·         Breast pump

·         Milk storage

·         Nursing pillow

·         Nursing bras

·         Breast pads

·         Nipple cream

·         Breastmilk bottles and nipples

·         Bottle and nipple brush

·         2 boxes of newborn diapers

·         Diaper rash cream

·         Wipes

·         Washcloths

·         Baby soap

·         Safety kit

·         Hooded towels

·         Bassinet sheets and waterproof covers

·         Crib sheets and waterproof covers

·         Baby medication

·         Pacifiers

·         Baby toys

Wants:

·         Diaper Genie

·         Changing table

·         Pack n Play

·         Sun shade for car window

·         Baby swing