#01025

If there’s something I’ve done right, tell me, love, for I need to be assured I’m doing well.

If there’s something you need me to do, tell me, love, for I would do anything you ask.

If there’s something you’d like me not to do, tell me, love, for I will change anything for you.

It’s not long now

But it’s also forever

You believe in me, and love me, and it’s perfect.

And I never knew what I was missing.

I thought I had it before, but now I know better.

I know that I actually found it.

I love you, my dear. My love. My beautiful lovely bean.

I want to receive all yours too

I just wish I could say that I want to protect you and keep you safe

Don’t get me wrong, I do

But wanting to isn’t enough

I don’t think I can

I wish I could say “one day I’ll hold you, and keep you warm. I’ll be your knight.”

But I can’t. I don’t know how.

I’m so scared that I’m not good enough

That you need something that I can’t give

It’s possible that I have it in me, and I don’t know it yet

But it’s just as likely that I’m right about myself

That I’m not a protector no matter how protective I feel

I want to hold you close, but because I like to give hugs, not because I want you feeling safe in my arms.

I do want that, but it’s not who I am

I want to be held and protected, to be the one kept safe

But... what if that’s what you need from me?

What happens then?

I’m so scared, love.

Because I want to be your everything, but I’m not ready for the responsibility

Of what it may mean for us if it’s different than we thought

Of loving myself so that I can love you

I don’t know how to do this, I’ve never done this before

What if it falls apart when we finally get to have one another?

What if you don’t need me the same?