#(it did)

"Dear diary,

Today master jinn's plant bit me. Maybe this means the plant hates me. But its master jinns plant so does that mean master jinn also hates me?

I feel like he hates me, im not a very good padawan. But its ok! Ill just try harder! Im sure ill get the hang of meditation soon! I dont want to be sent away again

Bruck was being especialy annoying today in our saber forms class. I want to punch him in his stupd face but thats what made them send me away last time so i cant. I have to be a good jedi. Sadly.

Oh! I also saw a cool bug in the room of a thousand fountains! It was shiny and blue and i hope matser archavist nu will help me research what kind of bug it is.

Thats all for today though, ill talk more tomorrow!!!

O.W.K"

Anakin, after finding the journal diary starts to question everything. What do you mean my master used to suck at meditating? What do you mean he almost wasnt a jedi!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE HAS ANGER ISSUES!?!?

He keeps swinging the oar around him but the creatures are far more resistant than they looked. Four or so of them are enough to keep them on their toes and he is already feeling lightheaded from the pain he feels as Steve is trying to get the creatures off of himself. Eddie tries his hardest not to wince or gasp at the pain shadowing on him while Nancy and Robin help Steve. He has to focus on the bats predating on them and diving from the air.

Steve finally liberates himself and as Eddie and the others tackle the ones on the air, Steve practically tores one open on the floor.

It’s a sight that makes Eddie’s insides squirm, he isn’t sure if it’s in repulsion, awe or something else, he just knows he has seen something he will remember for days to come.

Eddie is still too shaken to think clearly when Nancy tells them to go into the woods and take cover, just following as they make their way to skull rock again.

But oh, there’s a nagging feeling in his heart, telling, yelling at Eddie to be on his right mind again. Like sirens going off and once he realizes what is happening, it finally clicks in his head. Because he is still feeling a deep sting at his sides and he just knows Steve must be in so much pain. The same pain he has been feeling over summer break and oddly at random nights.

Nancy is telling them to go to her house but Eddie can’t pay attention as he crosses the space between Nancy and Robin and walks straight into Steve, he looks taken aback, even terrified as Eddie inches closer.

“Goddamit, Harrington, if it’s hurting so much, say something” He yells, putting a hand on his arm before Steve is losing strength on his legs. Eddie giving him support as he makes him sit against the rocks.

The girls get by his side in seconds, checking his wounds, Nancy is quick to tore her sweater and Robin is worryingly babbling about rabies and symptoms and Eddie can’t take his gaze away from him.

“I’ll do it” he says more forcefully that he intended as he takes the piece of clothe from Nancy’s hands, not giving her a say on the matter. Everyone looks at him but somehow, he doesn’t care.

Robin is quick, and now Eddie can admit she must know something, because she is telling Nancy to show her the road they are going to take to get to her house. Successfully leaving them alone.

Steve’s breaths are shallow and he doesn’t dare to think if it’s because he is wounded or because Eddie is all over him.

“Is this…” Eddie starts, Steve finally looking at him “Fuck, Steve, is this why you were in pain during summer?” he asks, he berates “I felt your skull crack open!” he yells but sounds more like a whine, Eddie is feeling pain, but not physical pain. His heart hurts.

“I’m sorry” Steve whispers “I’m so sorry Eddie” he says louder “I didn’t mean to hurt you”

“Hurt me?” Eddie says incredulous, how can Steve believe he is mad about feeling this if Steve is the one who had to suffer it.

“I kept saying I would tell you, I would come to explain but every time I tried, I thought I would drag you into this and I didn’t want that but I did, somehow I still dragged you into this shit” Steve sights.

“Steve, what the fuck?” He says “This isn’t you fault, you didn’t do shit, I’m literally a magnet for bad luck” Eddie laughs, deprecatory.

“Maybe, but you asked me to not inconvenience you and I majorly fucked that, I should have- I could’ve-” he trails off and it downs on Eddie just how much he himself was an asshole.

He wished all this time that Steve acted like a soulmate but he didn’t give him the chance, he doomed them since the beginning. He asked him to not inconvenience him and when faced with actual monsters, what did Eddie expected him to do.

“I could´ve been more careful” Steve settles on.

If today was like any of those other times they faced the upside down, there’s no doubt in Eddie’s mind that Steve jumps in front of the danger to protect Robin and Nancy, to protect the kids.

This Steve is really all that Dustin had proclaimed he was.

A badass, but not just because he fought a monster or two, but because through all that he has ensured everyone around him is safe. Even Eddie, keeping him in the dark about what was lurking in their town. Keeping out of his way for fear of getting him involved.

“Harrington, what you did back there was metal” he says, because there’s no doubt in Eddie’s mind that Steve needs to hear it “If this is what you’ve been doing, I don’t care whatever pain I felt in the past” he finally starts to put the clothe around Steve, adjusting it as he goes “If anything, I wish you would’ve been more careful because of you” he looks into him. Eddie is bleeding here, yelling with his eyes what he can’t with his words, because he really wished Steve hadn’t had to go through all this, not him and not any of the kids or the girls.

“You think?” Steve asks, groaning a little as Eddie makes the bandages tight.

“Yeah, you were like Ozzy back there” he settles on saying because he can’t yet talk about whatever he is feeling.

“Ozzy?” Steve laughs and yeah, it rings nicely in Eddie’s ears.

“You don’t- You don’t know Ozzy? Osborne? He did- He did the thing with the bat” he explains but is met with Steve’s incredulous gaze and he depletes “What I’m saying is that you were badass and I’m glad you were and that everyone is safe” he admits, pulling the last of the made-up bandage into itself to secure it.

It must have hurt, Eddie felt it but Steve didn’t even flinch, he was looking at Eddie.

Eddie awkwardly gets up, trying to put a little distance and breath, feeling a little light headed again. He gives Steve a hand to get up too, wishing his face isn’t as blushed as he feels.

“No wonder why Henderson worships you, dude” he says, trying to escape whatever thing he just got himself into.

“He does?” Steve asks with a tilt of his head, trying his stance and the grip of the bandages.

“Oh yeah, kid wouldn’t say another thing that wasn’t how his brother was like super awesome and shit, it was kind of annoying” he pats the dirt off of his jeans, Eddie knows they should get on the trip they have to do, but they don’t seem to want to break the bubble they are in “To be honest, I don’t know why I care so much what the little shrimp thinks but I- I was a little jealous”

“What? Why?” Steve actually looks taken aback by that.

“Well, I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe you had truly changed. It goes against all I’ve been preaching, a jock with good looks, chicks love him and it’s not a douche? Not possible, but-” he looks at Steve, he feels shy and embarrassed “You’re actually a pretty good dude, Steve”

The look Steve gives him is cryptic at best, he wishes soulmates could read minds instead of feeling their pain because he is dying to know what is going on in his mind.

“Thank you, Eddie” Steve says and Eddie is confused for a second why exactly is he thanking him for “uh, for, saving my life back there” he clarifies.

Steve says it with such earnest, looking at Eddie with so much warmth and Eddie feels contrite. Because he didn’t save Steve’s life, at all.

He wanted to get away, as far as possible from all of this, and he doesn’t feel like he deserves the words. Eddie doesn’t deserve him. This isn’t his Steve, he knew that, his soulmate was supposed to be an asshole, not the selfless guy with a heart of gold he has seen through all this nightmare. And heck; he has to be realistic; even if he wanted, he can’t even have him.

“Uh- nothing to thanks your majesty, I…” He looks away “I wouldn’t have jumped in that lake under any circumstances” he laughs at himself again, Steve looks like it pains him to hear it and yeah, it pains Eddie too “Outside of D&D I’m no hero, I see danger and I turn heel or at least that’s what I’ve learnt about myself lately” he scoffs.

The fact that since Chrissy until now, all he has done is run it’s starting to bother him. More now that he is surrounded by people that take things, even interdimensional monsters, as the come, head on. Now that he has seen Steve and Robin and, Nancy.

Nancy who without a second thought launched herself after Steve.

He only needs to think it for a second, he can’t be Steve’s soulmate, but if someone can, it’s probably her.

“Give yourself a break, man” Steve says but Eddie interrupts him.

“See, the only reason I came here was because those ladies came in straight after you” Eddie knows what he is doing, even if it pains him “I was too ashamed to be the one who stayed behind, but Wheeler right there, didn’t waste a second”

Steve seems to think it over, just as they see the girls outside.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but if I were you” Steve turns to look at him, there’s something in his eyes that should tell Eddie to abort what he is doing but it’s exactly that why he can’t “I would get her back”

And he’s done it; he is pushing his soulmate away. But for good, Eddie thinks, this is for his own good.