#((sorta?))

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆Yes I’m taking this dead serious and you should too… I’m kidding I just think this is funny I wasn’t expecting this much of a reaction to the initial post so now here we are… enjoy my thoughts :)

He's very in tune with your body, including your cycle.

Maybe too in tune with it. He knows your cycle like the back of his hand, knows it like all the cardiology textbooks he memorized in grad school. Hell, he can tell where you are in your cycle simply by the way you smell, by the way you taste... you get my point.

Zayne knowing you this well is touching, honestly. But it's also his biggest kryptonite because god dammit he just can't resist you. Especially when he knows you're ovulating.

2. He prefers taking preventative measures rather than you taking preventative measures.

Zayne knows how harmful birth control can be to your body. The pill has a side effect pamphlet that could double as a queen size blanket. An IUD is a painful insertion process even if you get pain meds. They mess with your hormones, with your cycle, can cause more issues than benefits in his opinion. It's just not worth it.

While he is more than willing to get a vasectomy for you - something that is reversible for when the time comes that you do actually plan to try for children - you keep telling him that condoms are more than effective and it's not worth the recovery process at this point... ;)

3. Zayne is very easily persuaded by you in the heat of the moment.

If you didn't catch my drift from above... you are very convincing when asking Zayne to take the condom off and fuck you raw.

He won't do it before sex, no he won't do it before or during foreplay either. But let him slip inside, let him feel how soft and warm you are... or at least let him try because that oh-so-thin layer of latex his holding him back from so much... and then try asking... he'll slip it off in a heartbeat. Consequences be damned... he'll pull out... or at least try.

4. Zayne's diet and life style provide him with pretty healthy swimmers... even with his sweets intake.

Zayne eats good, works out, tries his hardest to get enough sleep. All because of you, all for you. He now treats his body with care, even though he can't resist those damn macaroons, his healthy habits tend to balance out his unstoppable sweet tooth. Making the overall quality of his sperm good, strong, and... well... eager.

5. Zayne has an incredibly high sex drive.

Listen... he's pretty insatiable. The more frequently you do it... the higher the risk... and I mean the second you convince him to take the condom off he is not slipping a new one on for the next round... rounds.

In conclusion, Zayne is the most careful among all the love interests. He is so precise with everything he does that it’s almost… bound to happen? Listen, fate has never been outwardly kind to this man so the irony would just be comical at this point. Not that he’d be upset!

street performance

Awseome QueenTenna vs The evil spam email haunting them Also Tenna folding under basically zero pressure and talking about the divorce. Anyway! This was made for my dear friend @lesbiantennas who makes such scrumptious QueenTenna fics over on AO3 (Everyone go read them now!!) and it was based off the headcanon they had from the winter newsletter Mike scene of Queen and Tenna discussing spamtons "dissapearance" and how theyre similar in ways because they would both do anything to stay with their lightners. Written text under the cut (along with some extra comic thoughts)

Queen: OMG And Then There Was Spamtong How Did I Forget Did You Know: Bro Just Stopped Paying Rent Tenna: He... He did, did he? Queen: Yes // Like // One Day He Just Couldn't Pay Anymore // Which Is Like // Kinda Sus TBH??? Should've Known He Was On Some Shady Stuff

Tenna: Ha... HA! AHAHA! I knew I shouldn't have trusted that little scammer He - HA - He played me for a fool since day 1 If I had known it was all fake I would have... ha... ha... I should have kicked to the curb when I had the chance...

Tenna: How could I have been so stupid Ha - He - Haha! He could have said something you know? He, I, I could've I could've helped him Would've He just had... to say something Why? Why didn't he say something??

Tenna: Say anything??? How was I supposed to know that- Queen: *Stare* Tenna: … That *Shakey inhale* ... I knew

Tenna: I knew I shouldn't have done it Mike they... they warned me *Slide* About the consequences if I made him sign it But I had no choice I had to know his secret (my family they...) To being a Big Shot (I had to) Spamton: Tenna... Tenna: To keeping the family together (I didn't have a choice. I'ts not my fault. I needed to) Spamton: You're really serious about this... huh... Tenna: I needed to know

Tenna: *Wrrrr Wrrrr* *Scribble* *Scribble* But it would have been FINE! We would have become big together We would have fixed everything TOGETHER!!! *RING* Spamton: I... Should take this... Tenna: I would have helped him

*Tap tap tap tap tap...* Tenna: I would have *hff hff* *hff hff hff hff* I could have ... I (But it was just garbage noise)

Tenna: ... Was it wrong of me To go through with the deal? Knowing what I knew? Does that make me a bad person? Do you ... Hate me for it? Queen: Before I Answer Your First Question // I Must Query My Own Firstly: Why Did Your Guy Know About The Consequences Secondly: Why Did They Not Disclose What The Consequences Were // When They Were Clearly: Bad

Queen: Is That Not Weird To You <WEIRD> Tenna: No... I didn't question it o-of course I didn't question it! I mean it's Mike! Why would I question Mike?! She's right... That is weird Queen: Now Onto Your Question Yes // What You Did Was Awful Tenna: h-huh? Queen: You Knew It Wasn't A Good Idea <TRUE> Tenna: *Hh...* Queen: You Said You Cared About Him Yet You Went Through With The Deal Anyway And That Is Horrible Tenna: *Shrink Wrrrr Wrrrr hff hff hff hfff* Queen: And

Queen: And I Would Have Done The Same Thing If It Was Me // If It Was My Purpose // If It Was About Noelle // If My Place In Her Life Was On The Line I Would Have Made The Same Choice Without Hesitating So Even Though What You Did Was Terrible I Can Never Judge You For It Nor Hate You For It

Tenna: *Grow* Queen: Because I Would Have Done The Same <TRUE> And Ha Ha That Would Make Me A: Hypocrite Wouldn't It <TRUE> Tenna: *Hic Sniff Sob* Queen: Do Not Fret // This Conversation Will Remain Encrypted To Anyone But Us Tenna: Thank you... Queen Queen: Of Course

TMNT AU Where none of the “human friends” know that the others exist.