#l&d

It was nearing two in the morning, you simply couldn't sleep. Sylus knew that, of course, so he was up beside you. Lamp still on, book in hand, wire rim glasses sitting low on the bridge of his nose. “Is the sky blue, sweetie?” He didn’t bother looking away from his page, but the question certainly earned a quirk of his too pretty lips. 

“No, I mean like… do you remember all the details?” You roll onto your side, dropping your phone and propping yourself on your closed fist. You weren’t even sure why your first time with Sylus had entered your mind, but now you simply couldn’t rest if you didn’t know the answer. This time, he dropped the book to his lap, head turning to peer down at you with one brow perfectly raised. “I mean, of course?” 

“Like?” You blink at him, waiting for some sort of example and Sylus can’t stop the bewildered laugh that rattled his chest. “Like? You want me to describe our first time from memory?” His book is completely forgotten now, you have his full undivided attention. “Yeah, I wanna compare notes, see if we remember it the same way.” 

Your grin is wicked despite your eyes shining with innocence, he can’t help but feel as if he’s fallen into your trap… oh well. Too late now, right?

“You came on to me first, after I carried you up to the bedroom. You pushed me down onto the couch and then straddled my lap. You initiated our first kiss.” You felt heat sink low, a vivid memory of Sylus’ flushed cheeks and surprised expression when his back had hit the couch flashing in your mind. 

“I remember you waiting so patiently for me to initiate that kiss, even struggling to keep your hands from moving up to grab my ass.” You tease fondly, smiling a little wider when Sylus snickers at the thought. “You know your comfort is always my priority, I wasn’t going to push my luck before I knew it was what you truly wanted.”

“But you could see my desires, couldn't you?” A beat of silence as he observes you, smiling softly before speaking. “Seeing them isn’t the same as hearing them. I needed you to act upon them at the very least before I could allow myself to move.” 

“What a gentleman.” And you meant it, truly. Even as he laughed, you could tell he knew you were being genuinely honest with him at that moment. “I remember kissing you and never wanting to stop.” He carries on, arms folding over his broad expanse of chest as he watches you inhale. “I remember your tongue trying to jump down my throat.” 

“You loved it.” You had… you even moaned. “That’s when you grabbed my ass, pulled me closer, but you wouldn’t let me grind on you…” You pout at him, as if still upset. Like he hadn’t fucked you stupid in front of that god damn fireplace that night. “I would have cum in my pants then and there had I let you touch me.” Oh. That was news to you. 

You pushed up on your hands and knees. “What?!” A genuine whispered shriek of shock, eyes wide and mouth agape as you blink at your lover of two years. The event you’re both recalling having happened a year and a half ago. “It’s the truth, kitten. I was excited.” 

He's barely able to keep his eyes open, it's a miracle he was able to drive, park, and undress as much as he has before entering your shared bedroom. Just to find you sprawled on top of the blankets, working on your laptop, a t-shirt on and a cheeky pair of lace panties riding up your cheeks and... god has your ass never looked so soft.

"Z, you're home! How was your-oh!" You yelp, half turned just to see him flop head first into your ass. Your face burns at the sight, the laughter that bubbles out of you can't be helped. "Long day?" Zayne doesn't respond for a moment, getting comfortable as his eyes shut and he rests his head comfortably on the plush of your ass cheeks.

"The longest."

Folding laundry in nothing but one of his more casual shirts, something that looks absolutely massive on you but fits him like a glove. Your shared bed is an organized mess of assorted and categorized folded clothes that you then need to put away into their rightful homes.

But, Sylus? Sylus has other plans when he sees you.

Watching your hips sway, humming some song as you reach for the next item of clothing. Your shirt - his shirt - swishing around your mid-thigh, inching upwards in a way that he swears its the universe teasing him. You don't even flinch when he's sudden engulfing you.

"Thought you were just gonna watch me all day." You murmur, still attempting to fold the pair of jeans you had just tugged from the basket. Arms raised to allow him space as his biceps encircle your middle, his head nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

"I could have, but I got too tempted." You laugh, tilting your head into his embrace as you hold the half folded jeans outward. "Too tempted by me just standing here, folding my laundry? That's all it takes?"

You feel something akin to a laugh and a groan swirled into one vibrating your neck. His grip on you tightens just a fraction. "You just have to look at me the right way, sweetie, and I'm done for." You smile then, leaning more of your weight back and turning your head into his.

"Is that so?"

A small giggle escapes you, and suddenly, laughter is bubbling out of your chest. Nothing about this situation is funny, but it feels so much like a cruel joke the universe’s twisted sense of humour has played on you. There you are, knelt in front of Valko’s grave and howling like a maniac, a small part of you still unwilling to accept the reality; he is gone and is never coming back.

How can someone who took up so much space in your life, in your heart, be gone? How can someone so young and virile suddenly be buried six feet under? How could this happen to him? Question after question pops into your mind, and none of their answers are satisfactory.

This isn’t real.

This is a mistake.

He’s going to come back, I know it.