DANCING ON THE ROOF SHOOTING HOLES IN THE MOON

No i didn't "forget to pack a toothbrush and a phone charger" its called on site procurement. Solid snake does it too

You used to log onto the internet and find out it was peanut butter jelly time. Not any more.

There are only two jobs left in the world and it's making sandwiches or killing people

I just can’t believe some of u are soooo young u didn’t experience the early 2000s at all like even briefly . U were born and ur mother door dashed you home from the hospital

actually i was in the NICU for a couple weeks after being pieced together by surgeons but whatever lmao

That’s because she used klarna. To pay through 4 easy installments with no interest

no one is coming to save you its true its true someone might be coming to hang outttttttttt though. someday

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

Anyone else notice the tumblr app being really glitchy

You'll have to go somewhere else, little boy. This is no place for you.

i dont care if Monday's lit. Tuesday Wednesday touch my clit. Thursday i don't give a shit. it's Friday I'm in love

The thing you have to remember when you’re arguing with me is that I’m almost always eating delicious meals. So not only are you arguing with a beautiful woman, she’s eating scrumptious food while you aren’t. Bad position.