I wanted to be an Ornithologist

Blocked, flambéed and unfollowed.

that being said, @homunculus-argument :

I'm back doing what I love, which is making fanfic covers. All Project Hail Mary this time!

Credits under the cut!

Like don't get me wrong, the book one is good (the idea of Grace having to spend multiple days locked up stewing about how he's gonna die before they even knock him out is deliciously angsty, as is Stratt's last attempt to beg him to understand why she has to do this) but fuck.

He like literally starts climbing the walls.

Like he came in there relatively composed. He had a rationalisation for what he was going to do, he probably rehearsed his little speech. He's putting the walls up because he knows he's not doing The Right Thing, but he doesn't want to let on that he knows that. He's probably pretending to himself as much as Stratt. He's doing it For The Kids.

And then the switch to just pure, animal terror when the doctor comes in. Like there's a degree of comedy to it. Grace is always slightly goofy, slightly immature (probably why his students like him so much) and now he's climbing and running like a kid playing tag. Except its not a game and it's not working.

Eva's tone when she tells him to “sit down, we'll do it different”. Like I know I'm murdering you, I know that you're not capable of seeing this any other way, but please at least see sense and spare yourself the trauma of having to be literally dragged kicking and screaming. Please.

The resignation when she says “he's running.” Like, she doesn't have to say who's running, or why. She knew this was a possibility. She knew this was a likely possibility but why couldn't he just fucking be the guy she needs him to be? Doesn't he know how hard this is??

The realisation that, if Carl is by the fence, then it's probably because they were concerned that Grace might actually outrun the guards and would need to be ambushed. The possibility that Carl specifically is there because, in that scenario, Grace would be more easy to catch if he trusted his pursuer.

Like I think one reason I'm attached to Ryland Grace is that I honestly couldn't tell you that I wouldn't behave like that in that scenario. Like sure, we all like to say we'd bravely sacrifice ourselves for humanity, but like it's not like I'm currently chaining myself to rainforest trees or throwing soup at paintings in museums or kidnapping oil execs or whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I don't even really attend protests.

There are significantly more things that I could be doing right now to make the world a better place that I don't do because they would involve upending my life and putting myself at more personal risk than I am comfortable with. I have no room to judge Ryland Grace.

He's terrified and doesn't have a plan. He's being forced into something he doesn't want to do that will kill him and the worst part is that we know he fails

Entitlement: bursts into his field as a junior researcher and expects everyone to listen to his unorthodox theory, flips his shit when they don't.

Selfishness and low empathy: plays into how he handles and thinks about The Choice ("i understand the stakes"); he says it's about the kids when really, it's about himself (his fears, perceived inferiority). he cries a lot and experiences a lot of emotions, but those emotions are mainly centered around himself (understandable enough - but walk with me here)

Shame and inferiority: habitually deprecates himself ("some people are failures, some people don't rise to the occasion"), undervalues his expertise and underestimates his integral role in PHM

Shy and paranoid: overwhelmed by too much attention; seems to get along with most people, yet is too afraid to open up/trust enough to forge emotionally intimate bonds (until rocky)

Vindictive: holds serious grudges. called the leading scholar in his field a staggering waste of carbon for disagreeing with him. (burnt his academic career to the ground, they don't deserve his input and he's happier now anyway!)

Rage/hostility in response to criticism: movie grace gets physical when proven wrong. also, AGAIN, imploded his own career because his pet theory was rejected. (immediately strikes a harsher tone when recalling this to stratt: “i don't know why that makes me such a NUT”)

Need for admiration/validation/social belonging: his students clearly look up to him and value him and what he brings to the position. (he loves being the cool teacher.) and he immediately latches onto people who want him around and listen to him, to the point he doesn't push back when his boundaries are crossed (stratt & rocky)

one scene that illustrates some of this really well, imo, is the one after he initially tells stratt what he found out about astrophage. there's some really interesting characterization being laid down in that exchange. in very quick succession, grace:

acts confused why she would choose to leave (why are you taking away my equipment? i thought you want my expertise!) (-> entitlement, selfishness, suddenly he IS an expert, despite rage-quitting half an hour ago)

says he was "being modest" when he previously undervalued his qualifications (-> displaying inferiority, instinctively or on purpose)

hesitates to give a clear answer when she asks whether he wants to help, implicitly asks her to reassure him ("if you think i can help") (-> low self-esteem, need for validation)

is in disbelief that stratt wouldn't be more generous ("just three [dots]?") after she agrees to let him keep working (-> entitlement!)

needless to say this is a headcanon, so i'm sure you could find many instances of characterization which would serve as solid counter-arguments here, but even then, NPD is very heterogenous, so none of it necessarily voids my point. grace can be very empathetic, especially with rocky. but to me that kind of shows he adopts strategies of managing his instinctive, volatile responses and shifting his mental frame over time (hello there, lack of backbone - he lets people push him around because he knows the alternative is destructive.) he was definitely a very different person pre-canon, nevermind early in his career.

once again adding a nuanced take by @grimark cause yeah