SWM Apology Department

we were so sorry we sung it

Sorry about that. It’s so true that we can barely keep ourselves from shooting all our fellow SWMs (before offing ourselves) when we contemplate upon our inherent horrendousness. We thought it was from that sheer, overwhelming, irrational guilt, but it turns out it all goes back to Toxic Masculinity™ , regardless of context or more tangibly evident variables. So so sorry for not realizing this earlier. We are once again ashamed of the inadequacy of our current level of shame. Please accept our infinitely sorrowful, incomprehensibly heartfelt apologies. Or don’t. We’ll understand either way. Well actually we won’t, because we can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be a [demographic], and to say we do would erase [demographic]’s experiences. But you get the gist.

Women always say it best. Women are awesome.

This is AmeriKKKa’s TRUE colors, my friends. This is your anthem. I hope you’re happy. As for us? We’re sorry.

DESPICABLE.

SWM Apology Department (Tumblr Division)

oh god im so sorry i didnt reelize til i had drankk itall

i cant find my pillz

Saw a Barbie doll, am disgusted at what I’ve done to you. Extra sorry today. Would whip myself, but I enjoy it too much.

Still sorry.

We're still mind bogglingly sorry.

We're very, very sorry. Like, you have no fucking idea. Not that it changes anything.

Again, we're sorry. Did we mention that? We're sorry.

We're all very sorry. Very, intensely, overwhelmingly sorry. There is no feasible way to sufficiently describe the depths of our all-encompassing self loathing. We suck. We suck so hard. Industrial-strength vacuums ain't got shit on us. Tornados visit us at our homes just to ask us how we do it, how we suck so hard. And because of this, we are all very sorry. And yet it is not enough. We cannot move on, because that would be denial of the past. We cannot attempt to rectify the situation, because we are SWMs, and thus just don't get it. And of course, to have a different view on the subject, to disagree with any accusations or conclusions about us, or, [deity of your choice] forbid, be a bit resentful of what often sinks into petty hatred and self-righteousness, would make us suck even harder. We'd consume the entire universe if we sucked that hard, like that thing from The Yellow Submarine. Alas, we can do nothing but apologize, and join your protest against those who do not. So, we're sorry. Very, intensely, overwhelmingly sorry.