No Shit Sherlock

guy who wins at poker not by being stoic but by bursting into tears every time he looks at his cards, just full hysterical breakdown every round and you gotta peer through the void of theatre kid problems to figure it out

ive forgotten the origin of "she blank on my blank til i blank" and i dont even begin to know how to look it up

i will ALWAYS go up to bat for the academic necessity of KYM. memes have become such an important cultural language in the past decade and losing the origins of these neo-idioms would be such a tremendous and needless loss.

unfortunately if you heavily curate and dampen parts of your being to avoid being cringe on your quest to be lovable you will never be loved for who you are and something will always feel missing. i know i know it's terrible. rips my own face off

Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.

you literally don’t need any other plot and i would watch the movie

This. All of this.

stop scrolling.

On it boss

boss it's been a year how long do I have to stay here

my main requirement in a partner is someone who's willing to "yes, and" me. if i say something completely insane i need them to just pick that up and run with it and commit to the bit until we wind up with a conversation that's funny to us but completely incoherent to everyone within earshot. actually now that i'm typing this out i've realised my ideal relationship might just be "shitty improv comedy duo"

my other requirement in a partner is if i make a weird noise they have to make the same weird noise back to me and then we keep doing that until something interrupts us

u know when something wont send for ages and ages but when it finally sends it goes 40 times. thanks for nothing technology you bastard.

in conversation about white people who go to Japan and expect their knowledge of anime to culturally carry them, I was once posed with “it’s like if there was a Japanese guy who was obsessed with spongebob and came over here and thought he could get by just communicating in spongebob quotes.” This is a false equivalence because if such a man existed we would crown him king. We’d love him. Americans would fucking love that. sometimes I get sad that this isn’t a real guy I can invite to a party.

apparently europeans have the impression that US Americans never learn the metric system.

like our science curriculum from day one is entirely done in the metric system. we just don't use metric in our day to day lives.

I have had people try to gently and kindly explain to me the workings of the metric system, as if Americans are having trouble with the concept of a base ten system. like no. we get it. we were taught this when we were like eight. it's just that like. we don't really wanna do it that way. for the bit.

It’s like formal and informal tense.