Swag

He can't cook, he can't clean, he can't drive, he can't do a job interview.

Wolfstar very hesitantly leaves him alone for a weekend to finally go on a honeymoon, but they send James over to make sure Regulus doesn't burn the house down.

*Sirius sitting in their dorm: looks at the marauders map and notices James and Regulus right on top of each other in the common room*

*also Sirius: RUNS to the common room to see James softly petting a black cat on his lap*

regulus:

regulus: cousins?

“So, you’ve got a problem,” Pandora murmured to Regulus as they both sat by the side of the lake, watching the sparkling water while most of their friends splashed around to their hearts’ content. 

“Just one? Clearly you haven’t met my parents,” Regulus deadpanned, eyes on James, who was happily holding Sirius under the water.

She snorted. “Well yeah. But I meant your boyfriend.”

Instantly, he turned to her. “Why? What’d he do now?” Not that he believed James would do anything wrong, exactly. It was just…well, James liked to cause trouble, and he often found himself dealing with the consequences.

But Pandora laughed. “I just went in his bag, right before you got here. Needed sunscreen and he had extra. And d’you know what I saw?”

He paused, trying to decide if it would be better if it was something living, or something already dead. “Do I want to?” he hedged.

“Your favorite snacks,” she said, deciding for him, a huge grin on her face, “that lip balm you like. The only tampons you’re willing to use. The ink you like. Three of your favorite quills. And your favorite book. All just there.”

Regulus gaped, eyes widening. “Seriously?”

“Mhm. I think he properly loves you,” she replied, smirking.

He felt his body go light and a bit hazy, happiness and terror filling him in equal measure. It was amazing to think that anyone would do something like that for him.  “Fuck,” he murmured reverently.

Pandora laughed and waved to James, who’d turned and was grinning eagerly at Regulus. “Oh, it’s so mutual, isn’t it?”

It's a lose lose situation.

Sirius is standing, a confident smirk on his lips. If James doesn't pick him, he'll never hear the end of it or worse.

regulus: oh i know

regulus, pulling out a hair straightener: im going to straighten my hair without heat protection

What if I say Barty Crouch Jr

James: Romantic dinner and reading books together?

Regulus: Sex on the couch.

James: Or your thing.

Regulus: Actually reading together sounds great.