HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

​"I don't," Remus said calmly, not looking up from his book.

​"Everyone has a type! James likes people who hate him. Pete likes anyone who gives him the time of day. I like..." Sirius waved a hand vaguely. "Well. Anyway. What's yours?"

​Remus sighed, finally marking his page and looking up. "Fine. Dark hair. Ridiculously dramatic. Comes with a truly terrifying amount of family trauma."

Sirius went completely still. Remus’s stomach dropped as he watched the gears turn in Sirius's head. What the fuck had he done. Remus stopped breathing, bracing for the worst as Sirius leaned across the sofa, his eyes wide and horrified.

​"Merlin," Sirius breathed. "You're in love with Snape."

​Remus stared at him for five long, agonizing seconds.

​The panic instantly evaporated, replaced by a profound, heavy disbelief. Remus looked into Sirius's wide, genuinely horrified eyes, wondering how it was mathematically possible to fall so desperately in love with someone so incredibly stupid.

cut to sirius having normal arguments with his friends but his breathing's shaky, he's trembling with panic and his eyes are slightly unfocused as if he isn't there in the room with them. remus being the first to catch on to this whenever it happens and pulling him to his chest— even if they had been arguing two seconds before— and whispering small reassurances "it's alright" "i'm not angry, sirius" "you aren't there" "it's okay, pads. you're okay"

Remus: oh no we'r--

Sirius: almost three months.

Remus: wait what

Sirius: yeah remember you looked at me funny and said I was pretty then we hold hands

like, for example

sirius, texting under the table: jwlp

regulus, immediately calling, sobbing: sirius our dearest great aunt adhafera has come down with pneumonia; and she's so very old; not to mention great uncle absolutno fell and broke his hip; and if that wasn't enough, our turtle mr. turtle sprained his shell; you must come home immediately

sirius' date: wow that's a lot of bad luck

sirius: yeah; i really have to go

sirius' date: do you want me to walk you back?

regulus, still on the phone: and grandmother achird has hired help to hunt down strangers at the gate again :/ we will have to talk her down again

sirius: i think i should go alone

sirius' date, pale: i think so too

/

or

sirius, hiding in the bathroom: i need to get out of here

james, popping up, 10-20 minutes later, marching up to sirius' date: you asshole!

sirius' date: wha-

james, slapping him: after you told me i was the one?

sirius, immediately catching on: you told him WHAT

sirius' date: wait no babe---i've never seen this man before in my life--

james: oh you've never seen me? i see how it is; its as ive never seen you--the real you--the cheating, lying, horrific you

sirius, spilling his drink on his date: we're over

sirius' date: BABE YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME IVE NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE---

/

sirius, under the table: soemeh plx hepf

james: okay i'll go in and pretend that he's my ex and cause a scene--

regulus: no

james:

james: no?

regulus: sirius' text looked more distressed than usual

james: uh you wanna punch him? oof what if we both pretend to be exes and---

regulus: im going to drive my car into the restaurant and take him out with me.

james:

james: how about we go with my plan, and then we drive your car to a therapy session

regulus:

regulus: ???? was it something i said?

///

but also

james using this as an opportunity to sharpen his acting skills; he's the date's ex, his husband (whom he's still married to), his long lost cousin;;; he's a cop, he's a giant sandwich

regulus on the other hand either calls/shows up with a reason he just needs his big brother for, it's an emergency, or he tries to punch sirius' date (or worse)

Hey! Just a reminder! AO3 does NOT have an app. This garbage was made by theives who steal fan artist’s work and sell it back to you.

“Oh, but it’s free!” There are ads. They are making money off of this. They are stealing from the creators you love and you are hurting those same creators if you use this app or any similar app.