the only “v” “tubers” i care about are the “root vegetables” i grow in my “vagina”. to all the haters who saw this post early on patreon and told me not to post it: kill yourselves, sincerely this time

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I went to every afterlife and there wasn't a single goomba in any of them. Where the fuck are these things going

im so tired i could sleep a horse

im so tired i could sleep a horse

My uncle lost a job as a 5 Guys scribe bc he tampered with the burger archives.

Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

one time in trader joes I saw a deathknight wither a nectarine to straight up mildew and ash in their hands and then put it right back on the display

The ancient sumerians had everything they needed to make an addams family pinball machine and yet they didnt

Star Wars has three types of guy: Fump Geezgo from the Womflee system, Stabba Badguyman, and Chris

I love how Tales of the Underworld introduces the fact that Cad Bane used to be named Colby. He transitioned from Chris to Stabba Badguyman.