#canary

tfw you can just shapeshift your dysphoria away immediately!!!!!! wow!!!!

I think it’s kinda interesting how well plurality explains our identity issues from the past. for the longest time one of, if not THE biggest form of self expression we all had was changing our discord profile to be personalized to us. it was how we felt validated as our identity, it was how we managed to communicate to some closer circles what name we wanted to be called by

being fictive heavy, most people just saw it as us wearing the profile of our favorite character in the moment, which is a very reasonable conclusion to make, but … since its seen to them as less of a "front tracker" (or kinshift tracker, if you asked us at the time) and more of a marker of our current fixation, changing our profile often got reactions that implied that we had moved on from our fixation, and, while not intentional, that we were no longer [name].

naturally, this is tough, when the formation of someone new does NOT mean that the previous headmate went dormant. so, with this in mind, and the fact we typically know how people will respond to a profile change, a lot of the time a headmate will feel extremely anxious about the idea of changing the global profile because it would mean taking away their only sense of identity and expression we have. but, it's clashed with the new headmate who wants to have that ability of self expression and identity, who wants to change the profile.

under the idea that we were a single person and without the ability to decipher our feelings as the wants of separate people, what ended up emerging from this consistent dynamic whenever someone new showed up was the intense insecurity surrounding our identity relating to our source.

because i've noticed most of us are EXTREMELY attached to our sources. im pretty sure all of our fictives still go by the name of their source, and we tend to struggle with making an identity for ourselves outside of our source. and i feel like it can be attributed to this habit we've made, of always feeling like if we deviate from our source, we're gonna stop being considered our source, or even as our own person.

the only way we've been able to be respected as our own people is if we're super blatantly clear about being our source. and i feel like a lot of us have formed this extreme attachment to our identities because of how easy it would be for someone to detach us if we're too lax about it

most of this came to mind because uhh hi! i dont really have an alias. call me canary i guess? we (me n void) are both writing about this together. i think i've been here for a while but void was kinda in denial that iwas real. but i changed the global profile really impulsively, and we basically immediately got a dm from a friend (who doesnt know about us so no hate to them) which pretty much implied that void was gone now, which sorta pissed him off and made him feel really insecure about his existence, especially considering he's had the profile for months now and probably isnt used to not having it. (<- just the idea of someone thinking that i don't exist anymore, that a change in profile means that i cease to be... im real and im here and i dont want to be spoken about in this way just because i dont hold the main profile anymore) (<- honestly i've been debating giving it back anyway. i dont really need it that badly, i was just really excited/freaking out about the latest episode and wanted to shout my existence into the world) (<- but ive calmed down about it (the whole implying-im-not-real thing) so idont mind you keeping it for a few days at the very least. we all deserve a turn i think..) (<- i might take a per-server profile though heh)

Calle Triana in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Canary islands, Spain