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@sunsetsimulator

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✦ hello!
i am pausing this blog for a bit. i am glad you guys noticed my posts, though. didn't aim for that, but you actually read them!
need to be present in my own life more and take care of myself now.

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Hole in the sky, James Turrell (fotos: Florian Holzherr)
some pikas between bigger illus and work
@spacialsquid @writer-of-worlds
i love therapists giving practical advice cause brain is such a tricky computer with emotions after all, right?
✦ середовище, спротив і те, що насправді мотивує
UA
доктор к каже: не форсуй розум, культивуй його. гарна метафора. але ось що я зрозуміла, коли спробувала реально почати "полоти" своє інформаційне середовище — це рух проти течії, і течія відповідає.
я не очікувала спротиву звідти, звідки він прийшов. не від алгоритмів, не від фомо. а від конкретної людини — критика, хейтера, який з'явився саме тоді, коли я почала свідомо звужувати те, що впускаю в голову. ніби спроба контролювати власні інпути автоматично провокує когось на спробу нав'язати свої. і в цьому є щось показове: пропаганда, про яку говорить доктор к, — це не завжди абстрактна система. іноді це конкретна людина, яка відчуває, що втрачає доступ до твоєї уваги, і реагує на це.
ще одне — я не до кінця згодна з сентиментом "так роблять успішні люди". розумію логіку: спортсмени контролюють середовище заради результату. але стереотипи успіху мене не мотивують. взагалі. те, що мотивує мене — це самопочуття як досягнення саме по собі. не "я буду продуктивнішою", а "мені буде легше жити в власній голові". це різна валюта.
і ось де метод все-таки перемагає риторику: незалежно від того, чи мотивує тебе успіх чи просто бажання не тонути — техніки working. перемикання уваги, фізичний якір типу дихання чи кінчика носа, прополка бінарного мислення — це реально хороші інструменти проти темних станів, навіть проти саморуйнівних. не тому що вони звучать натхненно, а тому що вони механічні і відтворювані, незалежно від того, чому ти їх застосовуєш.
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✦ environment, resistance, and what actually motivates me
dr. k says: don't force your mind, cultivate it. nice metaphor. but here's what i actually learned when i tried to start "weeding" my information environment — it's a swim against the current, and the current pushes back.
i didn't expect the resistance to come from where it did. not from algorithms, not from fomo. from a specific person — a critic, a hater, who showed up right when i started consciously narrowing what i let into my head. like the attempt to control your own inputs automatically provokes someone else into trying to impose theirs. and there's something telling in that: the propaganda dr. k talks about isn't always an abstract system. sometimes it's one specific person who feels they're losing access to your attention, and reacts to that.
one more thing — i don't fully agree with the "this is what successful people do" sentiment. i get the logic: athletes control their environment for the sake of results. but success stereotypes don't motivate me. at all. what motivates me is wellbeing as an achievement in itself. not "i'll be more productive," but "it'll be easier to live inside my own head." that's a different currency.
and here's where the method wins over the rhetoric anyway: whether you're motivated by success or just by not wanting to drown, the techniques still work. attention-switching, a physical anchor like breathing or the tip of your nose, weeding out binary thinking — these are genuinely good tools against dark states, even self-destructive ones. not because they sound inspiring, but because they're mechanical and repeatable, regardless of why you apply them.

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where the city never sleeps.
Sade, 1985
Even after all the pain and hardships endured, I’ll never give up on love. Love is and has always been the point of life. We are made in the image and likeness of love.

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Sade Adu, 1992
Photographer: Ellen Von Unwerth