You made the wbg Mike guide which I love but I'm wondering what exactly you mean by the cowboy thing being a form of self harm for Michael.
cw for murder, suicidal ideation (the passive sort), and self harm (psychological, not physical). mike guide is [here]
the cowboy accent was originally a prank concocted by mike and michael for their first mission to save mikey, which is probably one of the primary regrets of mike's life, and during this mission, as part of the cowboy act, michael killed a man with a cold-bloodedness that surprised all three. when mike and michael reminisce in 107, michael says something got into him that day and never left (presumably the gay cowboy ghost that periodically possesses tumblr users to make posts).
after he drops the act michael confesses to mike that he had been shaking terribly when he killed kaz, but in the moment, trying to keep up the grizzled old cowboy routine, he sells it. he doesn't let on how scared he is. he gets the job done.
that's the utility i'm talking about that is both a coping mechanism and a form of self-harm. in that moment michael realized the cowboy schtick accessorizes wonderfully with his own self-worth issues. he can use it as a mask and bury his emotions. feelings? michael? no, you're mistaken, he's much too grizzled for that. have you seen his pipe?
the cowboy act functions first of all to hide his feelings, from himself and others--a form of self harm in itself--but more than that, i think he uses it to remind himself of his conviction that his life is over in all ways but physical.
he seems to be getting away from this type of thinking, particularly with sly's help, but my read on michael is that he views himself as a loose end that has yet to be tied up. everyone he loves from his own timeline--everyone who was his and not first and foremost some other mike's--is dead. his timeline is a dead end.
michael is a refugee from his own life and, to him, a product of the grim reaper missing a spot. he should be dead already, but for some reason he still has his life, so he may as well use the stolen, cheated remainder of it to protect the other mikes and help preserve in their lives what he failed to keep safe in his own. it's not as if he's good for much else.
and really, what better role for a man whose days are numbered than the grizzled old cowboy mentor who is destined for a heroic sacrifice? what better reminder that he no longer gets to have things for himself, that he's nothing but a side character in someone else's story?
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this is probably terrible PR management considering my url but i need to talk about the scene where VAL makes that baby eat its own mother because i finally understand its narrative purpose. like obviously on the surface there's what VAL says about needing to make a statement by doing something so awful that it prevents anyone from even seriously entertaining the thought of questioning her power, let alone attempting retaliate (demonstrating that she is, even at the summit of her cruelty, still ultimately a scared child in horrible pain lashing out), as well as the implication that she's subconsciously attempting self-destruction even as she denies as much by seeing how far she can push herself until she either reaches her limit, or someone stops her (how much further she can go before she's forced to admit that in attempting to make some kind of meaning out of the suffering she herself has experienced and that which she's inflicted on others, she's only ever been lying to herself). however. it's also relevant to the more general theme of the podcast of creating something which ultimately consumes and destroys you. both on a personal level with regard to VAL's character arc, as it's essentially a traumatic reenactment of her own hallowing and subsequent repeated ritual sacrifice of her mother as revenge and sublimation of her desire to punish those who enabled it (her real mother, of course, but also carson, the legislatures, everyone who failed to prevent or speak out against the war in the first place, etc.), and in terms of the narrative as a whole.
it's telling that the most horrifying thing that chuck harm, who we soon learn has no aspirations of starting a family himself, and in fact takes an incredibly dim view on the matter of attempting to secure one's own legacy through reproduction, can immediately think of when asked is an infant devouring its creator. it's telling that VAL, who is at this point delusionally styling herself a god, relies here on a mere human to invent a random act of cruelty and terror - a bad miracle - for her to perform. because it's so much more than that. it's paige's relationship to the woundtree which she so loathes and despairs in, faulkner and rane's to his prophethood, roemont's to his grand narrative, carson's to his lies, roake's to his wither mark, mr finch's to the hollow. it's society's relationship to its gods; its rhetoric, its stories - creating something with the intention of claiming power and a place in the grand narrative for yourself, feeding it so it grows, telling yourself that it won't develop an insatiable taste for flesh, that it isn't only growing hungrier with each sacrifice, and won't ultimately rise to swallow you whole - until there's nowhere left to run, and it finally turns on you, and closes its jaws around the throat that bore it.
obsessed with the Helena and Irving parallel and what it says about the aspects of our identity we think are fundamental (but aren't)...
Like Outie Irving assumes his Innie is just as radically anti-Lumon as he is. He assumes his hatred of Lumon is something ingrained in his personality! That's why he stays up at night drinking coffee and making paintings, because he hopes that when his innie dreams about the testing floor, he'll say "okay bet" and start exploring. That's what Outie Irving would do, after all. But he miscalculated! His hatred of Lumon isn't inherent--- his desire for meaning and art and spirituality is inherent. That's what his hatred for Lumon is built on. But in a world where there's no meaning outside of Lumon propaganda, of COURSE his innie would become ridiculously devoted to the company.
And Helena!! She is the corporation, that's her whole identity. She presumably assumed that Helly would be just as pro-Lumon as she is. But she miscalculated too! Her devotion to the company isn't inherent, her headstrong and entitled nature is what's inherent! And in a world where she's denied any agency whatsoever, that manifests as rebellion.
It's the same dynamic flipped on its head. They both sent their innies in there with opposite intentions--- one to take down the company, one feed the company's expansion--- only to realize that rebellion and devotion aren't inherent characteristics. Their innies have become the exact opposite of their outie selves, while still being exactly the same!! Because even though your personality is inherent, the values you hold are determined circumstantially. OUGH IT'S SO GOOD.
homestuck gradually exaggerating and pushing against gender roles, especially in the nuclear family, is such a fun joke within the comic but also speaks a lot to the kids' struggles.
dad and mom form the groundwork for it. their designs are so archetypically "male and female" it's like looking at a bathroom sign. and then you're like oh, mom has a bronzed vacuum, that's pretty weird. oh, dad has an account on an app entirely dedicated to fatherly figures whose main interests include pipes and fedoras and formalwear and shaving, that's a pretty funny exaggeration of manhood. then you get to bro, who is basically an experiment to see how far you can push the "messy and irresponsible prankster" archetype of the big brother until the audience actually recognizes his actions as abuse and not sibling banter (you can push this incredibly far, it turns out). then you get to the trolls' parents, who are literal animals and monsters. and by the time you reach the alpha kids, 3/4 of them don't even have monster parents around and, for the most part, grew up completely alone. and then there's the whole meteor and ectobiology thing, where none of these characters technically had parents in the first place but still, in a weird way, have relatives...
homestuck gradually warps of the idea of family to the point where it is barely recognizable to the viewer, and even then, you can feel how important family is to these deeply lonely children. in the case of trolls, "true" family (notably, defined by genetic relation) is basically understood by their culture as a fairy tale. despite this, they cling desperately to the razor-thin connections they have to their ancestors, even if those connections lead them down a path of suffering and self-hatred. and even when these kids are completely isolated from "birth", they still manage to repeat the sins of their guardians in a twisted infinite time loop of causality and generational trauma, across timelines and across universes.
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it's not that tavros is weak. nothing implies that tavros was weak before being paralyzed. vriska hated tavros because tavros could live a life of peace and happiness on a terrible planet when she could not, and she viewed that as weakness but also was incredibly envious that tavros didn't have to off random people to live. she wanted to teach tavros that you can't survive by being nonviolent and that the world was kill or be killed. and vriska was wrong
regular lesbian shame but with the additional feeling of responsibility to madoka whom she believes is Ontologically Purer than herself
"I'm not human" (In addition: "Because I have chosen to become a (magical) girl.")
"I am a corpse"
Originally extremely shy, tries to make herself as small as possible -- eventually is forced to become bitter and jaded through being afforded the unique perspective to see how the agents of Patriarchy (kyuubey) violently subjugate herself and the other girls, who are themselves unable to see the state of affairs, and who are thus Enlisted by Patriarchy to destroy her and each other.
This Pattern Is Destroying Me But To Change It Means I Must Acknowledge That Continuing It Was Meaningless And Immediately Fall To Despair
I have invented such a newfound way of hating myself that I have somehow innovated an entirely new form of selfhood, which both skirts the boundaries between (magical) girl and beast (witch), but which transcends both. I did this because I am so profoundly desperate to be loved, and have had such a vacuous lack of it in my life, that I latched onto the first woman who showed me the remotest amount of kindness, and upon whom my desperate affections have literally Imbued Godhood Into.
Hated By The Cosmos, Spiritually
Considered "shittier than other magical girls" by Nature, and has to work eight billion times as hard as other magical girls to be considered their equal
Is still reviled as an outsider and rejected from the fold, and regarded with immediate and visceral suspicion by all the other magical girls who meet her
Willpower which transcends multiple universes to keep staying alive despite all of the cosmic burden and the forces of Patriarchy Embodied (kyuubey) aiming all of their power at her Cessation.
Grieving the loss of something that the other magical girls literally are fundamentally incapable of comprehending.
Weird-Ass Chuunibyou Name That Fucks Extremely Hard
Is the only one who sees The Patriarch for what he is, and is therefore maligned by the Other Magical Girls for shooting him with a gun.
Uniquely selected by The Patriarch for freakish, violent laboratory study, where she is tormented and forced to live a hellish nightmare for unknown years.
believes "My Capacity For Love Is What Makes Me Bad, Because I Am A Spiritually Corruptive Force."
Considered by the Patriarch to be a failed, degenerate form of Magical Girl, which, rather than fulfilling her purpose as a tool of his designs, interferes with his plans.
Was Not Naturally Made with a magical girl weapon (Sayaka's sword, Kyouko's spear, Madoka's bow, Mami's rifle) but was rather given an entirely different kind of tool -- a shield -- and therefore has to innovate the technology to manufacture her own artificial weapons, which are notably symbolically associated with "male violence" (yakuza)
Is the only one fighting the actual fight that matters (against the Patriarch Himself), rather than fighting the false battle that the Patriarch has convinced the other Magical Girls is the real battle.
ok I mentioned this earlier and people were sort of confused but I’m gonna try to explain why I think the long AND short lifespan issues were resolved by the end of dungeon meshi.
WARNING: DUNMESHI SPOILERS AHEAD
-
Part 1: the lifespans aren’t natural
ok so I’m gonna start with that no I don’t think Marcille got her wish, at least not the way she wanted. Marcille wanted to bend the rules of nature so everyone would live an unnaturally long time. However, the lifespans that the races in dungeon meshi have (besides tall-men, but I’ll get to that later) are also not natural. They only had those lifespans because the winged lion was maintaining that lifespan for their race.
You can see at least 3 different races here that are asking for different life spans, what they’re asking for lines up with what the lifespans are.
the dwarf asked for immortality, the elf asked specifically for a thousand year life, the half foot heard this and said that was too long, and to make it shorter. The only ones who didn’t ask for a lifespan alteration were the (would be) tall-men.
The lifespans aren’t natural, they’re caused by the demons magic…
part 2: so what of the demons magic?
This is I think the most explicit statement, that the demons magic, every wish the demon granted, is lost. This includes lifespans, one of the oldest wishes it granted.
And I wanna highlight one thing she says specifically. “We have the luxury of time”.
I don’t think that means a long life, I think it means the opposite. The narrative regards these lifespans as unnatural, destructive and soul sucking. The immortal townspeople are cursed, time doesn’t matter to them, and so they have no desires, or drive to continue. This is depicted by them finding food flavourless.
and when they no longer have immortality look at how they think of food. That is the luxury of time, not to avoid it, but to experience it. This is what the “long-lived” races must learn in the absence of the demon, now lacking the extra hundreds of years the demon had gifted them. That’s why it’s important that Marcille didn’t get her wish the way she wanted, because she wanted everyone to live forever.
And speaking of Marcille’s wish.
She says she’s learned to embrace death, and not because of anything the demon did. She wanted to live forever with her friends, she didn’t want to confront death. With the demons magic gone, she no longer has the extra thousand years. She’s learning to accept her friends mortality, yes, but she’s also learning to accept her own.
part 3: the theme of accepting death
Like I said earlier, Marcille is afraid of death. So is Delgal/Yaad. The end of the story resolves their acceptance around death and dying. As much as Marcille wanted everyone else to live, there’s a reason she decided everyone should just live a thousand years. She doesn’t want to sacrifice her own lifespan, she wants infinite time with the people she loves. In the aftermath of the winged lion, she instead gets a much shorter amount of time. Delgal/Yaad is similar, in that he feared death. He says he was afraid of dying and losing everything, but now he’s ok with that reality, because the reality of an extended or eternal life was much worse.
part 4: the curse of living and the curse of living too long
To desire is to eat is to live. Our most primal instincts.
The long lived races, while not immortal and desire-less, had an unnatural amount of time on their hands. They were able to forego their humanity because they’d been gifted all the time they wanted, which lead to fighting and oppression of the short lived races (which is why it’s important for Laios to be the king, even though the elves and dwarves have lost the demons magic. Their mindset at that point in time, is of people with too much time on their hands.)
When Falin speaks to the demon, stripped of all his desire, he describes living as cruel. From his perspective, humans have a limited time and a constant desire, sorrow and anxiety pressing at them. Yet, Falin says it’s delicious. The fear inherent to living is natural, it’s what makes life interesting, and so it’s thematically important that the magic allowing certain races to avoid this reality isn’t maintained. Marcille’s wish was based in truth, it was how she went about it that was wrong.
Part 5: the end of the racial power dynamic
Obviously the races and cultures are still different, they were different before the winged lion began granting wishes, and will remain different, however what the narrative tells us again and again is that the lifespans are equivalent to a power structure. Elves and dwarves are at the top, because they were granted long lives. This power structure is explicitly not natural, it’s not how the races should be, Ryoko Kui emphasizes this several times.
So given this, I think it’s really important that at the end, when the demons magic is gone, all the races become one unit. There is no more power structure, is what this implies. One of humanities oldest desires, the desire to live eternally, is undone.
Ryoko Kui wanted to show that the racism and the power structures weren’t logical, and they weren’t natural, and now the people will have to navigate without those, without differences of lifespan, and without the ability to push away death.
part 6: conclusion
“Surely your kind exists for no reason but to starve” = “you exist for no reason but to die”
as Laios literally consumes life force itself, destroying the demon and destroying its magic. After he does this, the races are portrayed as one unit. The elves say that while magic isn’t gone, the demon’s and what came with it is, and that things will be different from thereon-out.
magic will continue to exist, but its been effectively reset, or unraveled, by the death of the demon.
the ability to live hundreds of years is lost, and while the winged lion, an eternal creature, thinks of this as a curse, to humans it’s a secret blessing. The impact of time is what keeps us going.
The structures set up by the ancient lifespan wishes are also undone. No race should get to live longer than any other, humans shouldn’t have unnatural structures like that. It disrupts the natural flow of living. Thats the resolution to the lifespan issue. Not “Marcille has to accept that she’s going to live an unnaturally long life”, but “Marcille has to accept that no one should have that much time, including her”.
That’s why I think the lifespan issue is resolved when the demon dies. Thanks for reading, if you managed to read all of this.
oh right I was gonna add smth to this that’s why I srb’d.
Ok. So I don’t think I explained in the og post, but one of the things that I think also kind of supports this is the people in the golden country. Bc they also similarly had their lifespans artificially extended. It’s implied that eventually they’ll turn into dust, but if that’s true it should be true of all lifespans, since all of that was the Winged Lions doing (its not like the mana will pick and choose what it keeps, it’s all going back to its original shape)
but also I think. Maybe I’m crazy. But I think the implication with Yaad’s “im not dust yet!” Is that people’s lives are going to play out to their *natural* length still. Like. Ok.
This is what I imagine it’s gonna look like, combined with time probably feeling different and much slower for the long lived races. Like your physical age won’t change, it’s not gonna “catch up” to you. That’s why Yaad isn’t dust yet - and actually the fact that he isn’t dust, to me, is another element proving that with the mana reset everything is returning to before it was manipulated.
If the mana isn’t enforcing lifespans anymore, then it’s not going to enforce the years “catching up” to you either, and it’s not going to enforce that if you leave your immortal kingdom you’ll die. All it cares about is the natural form you have, so if you’re a young adult you’ll still be that.
does any of this make sense? It’s Late. I’d include my golden country evidence screenshots but i am tired.
Also in case anyone is wondering- yes I think this will take a while to be discovered, and even longer to be verified. Yes I think when it eventually is, it won’t be pretty.
Soooo I read all of Dungeon Meshi in this past week and I have many thoughts bouncing around in my brain and I think the only thing to do with them is some AGGRESSIVELY CLOSE READING of a scene I wanted to come back to and try to understand better.
So: I want to talk about chapter 28
This entire section of the story is something I feel like I am going to want to come back to a lot, because its such a transitional time and I feel like there are a lot of themes/ideas that I wasn't fully aware of during my first reading, and stuff I missed because of that.
One of the biggest things I have been turning over in my head is... hey, what was UP with the Marcille/Falin bath scene? Maybe it was because I was already primed to pay attention to stuff with them going into the story, or because I had already seen a couple of panels out of context. In any case, it really kind of stuck out to me as being very short but also VERY intense, while also being... hard for me to define? Some part of the nature of the intensity felt like it was going over my head.
I wasn't sure that revisiting it would help with this right away, but to my surprise, it actually WAS a lot easier for me to follow and understand when I went back to it. So I want to just do a close reading of That Scene and some other parts of the chapter & context around it all, because I think it offers insight into Falin & her relationships, and what purpose this chapter serves within the story as a whole.
So first of all, I think it's interesting that the scene starts with Marcille bathing Falin.
It feels very caring in a more platonic, less charged way then what will follow.
Marcille goes from this caretaker mode to joining Falin in the bath, and then of course we get the first of The Panels
(as a small note, I only noticed when revisiting that Marcille is using the rest of her Kelpie soap in the bath. Isn't that just the most heartwrenching little detail. Augh)
Anyway, one of the first things I thought was interesting going back to this is how much it reminded me of the very different sort of intimacy that came just before it - when Laios and Marcille assembled Falin's bones.
This is such a beautiful and intimate sequence, and something about Marcille examining Falin, whole, after the fact... I can't imagine there are not some echoes of those bones in Marcille's mind. The action seems more startling/intense for Falin at first, and maybe part of that is because Marcille has already experienced this level of intimacy with Falin's body in a way Falin herself wasn't a part of.
This panel in particular I think is a summation of the difference in the experience for them. This looks like... near orgasmic for Falin tbh, and Marcille is very focused on the actual like practical part of what she's doing, seemingly completely unaware of the Effect she is having on Falin.
The whole short sequence is focused on this intimacy that Marcille initiated seemingly without fully being aware of what she was actually doing. And once Marcille is satisfied, she is also the one that ends it, sitting back in the bath and moving out of Falin's proximity. All on her own terms, and for her own ends.
HOWEVER... Falin doesn't just let things go.
Instead, she returns Marcille's attention. First, by asking after her wellbeing:
Marcille, of course, deflects (there will be a lot of that in this scene).
But Falin doesn't let it go.
Falin is not a confrontational person. She likes to keep the peace. In this context, and in context of the way that Marcille was the one to come into Falin's space initially, the way that Marcille controlled the initial intimacy... this is striking. I genuinely think that these three panels might convey one of the most assertive actions Falin (as herself) takes in the entire story. One of the only things that outdoes it is the fucking INCITING INCIDENT OF THE WHOLE STORY.
I'd also like to point out here that this action of Falin's also parallels her resurrection by Marcille & Laios. It's is also a forbidden magical action done to save someone(s) she loves, and its something she does TO them, that they are not fully aware/able to react to until its done.
Anyway, back to the bath scene. Falin is taking action here and asserting herself. And how does Marcille react?
She flips out!! She rejects it! She tells Falin that she isn't supposed to be acting like that.
It's a very distancing response from Marcille, and also one that puts her back in that caretaker mode from the start of the scene. She also puts even more distance between herself and Falin by sinking into the water.
Falin doesn't give up though! She continues to assert herself. She's okay, she is allowed to chose to do this.
And Marcille continues to push her away. It looks to me like she only starts to relax a little once she fits Falin into a role she can better define and control. You're a patient, you're recovering, I understand this fact and you don't. Let me take care of you.
But, for a third time, Falin pushes back.
I don't think it’s coincidence that this is where she opens her eyes. She asks directly about the thing that they have both been dancing around:
The resurrection spell. The fact that Falin KNOWS about this, at least in part, recontextualizes the quiet battle for control between the two them. They both know at least some part of the truth. Marcille wants nothing else then to ignore it. Falin wants to be able to talk about it. Marcille's blatant refusal to give her those answers, I think, is what keeps them out of sync - intimate only ever in one direction at a time, never fully together.
And of course, even when directly confronted, Marcille refuses to engage with the truth.
This moment being on the bottom of the page is notable too. There's a beat here. The last panel holds on Falin's face. The reader reaches the bottom of the page, and they are held here for a beat as well, with Falin. It's not quite a rejection yet. What Marcille says isn't directly an answer to Falin's question, but it is a response. A valid one, even! Falin wasn't just asking the question after all, but struggling with guilt that Marcille has every reason to want to reject.
But then you move on the next page, and...
Marcille isn't actually addressing the question at all, not directly. She's deflecting, again. Oh we had a ~difficult time~, there were a lot of "tough situations." Even though she and Falin both know about the resurrection, and Falin has made it clear that she wants to talk about it, Marcille pushes away from the actual topic. She keeps things broad and indirect.
She offers the smallest gesture to Falin - nothing more than a whisper of 'don't worry about it I won't get in trouble' (even though Falin's concern was never just about Marcille getting in trouble).
Marcille then continues to deflect even further, completely changing the subject onto clothes and frog adventures, which seems to distract Falin as well, as she finally gives up on pushing.
And that's where the scene ends! Marcille pushes into Falin's space (without fully realizing), and Falin pushes back. She tries three times to get Marcille to acknowledge her wants, and three times Marcille rejects her, though she does eventually convey some truth. She is honest in her belief that Falin doesn't need to feel guilty, and that things will all work out, even as she continues to deflect the rest of the question. Falin finally accepts that, the topic of conversation changes, and we move on.
But there is a little bit more that happens between them. Towards the end of the chapter, they have this little 'oh no we have to share a bed' situation. Classic stuff.
And Falin seems to realize that the context of this is kinda different now then it was when they were in the magic academy. She's not a kid any more, and they just had those intimate moments in the bath. There's a new tension between them, or one that new at least to the bed sharing of it all.
And in this respect, too Marcille pulls away from what Falin is trying to say. She tries to frame Falin as a kid, tries to insist that nothing is different.
When I first got to this part, it honestly felt... a little uncomfortable? After the bath scene, it is really weird to move into a new intimate situation with Marcille explicitly treating Falin as a kid.
What I have realized in coming back to this scene, though, is how much I think its meant to feel uncomfortable. Throughout the chapter, Marcille's responses to Falin become increasingly patronizing. By letting some of that conflict between them resolve at the end of the first scene, the chapter seems to let things rest, and lets you set it out of your mind.
Then, when the same type of conflict comes back at the end of the chapter, Marcille is even more blatantly treating Falin like a kid, and the unfairness of it hits even stronger. They are both adults, and Falin deserves the truth. After 27 chapters from the perspective of Laios, Marcille, and the others in the group, this progression lets you feel things from Falin's perspective. It's supposed to feel uncomfortable because it IS uncomfortable for Falin, the way no one will quite tell her the truth.
After all, Marcille isn't the only one to do this kind of deflecting when Falin tries to ask about what happened. Laios has a similar response, right down to the 'treating her a bit like a kid' part.
Even more importantly, this final conversation of the chapter reveals one last layer in the knowledge/power imbalance between Falin and the rest of the party: she doesn't actually remember sacrificing herself and teleporting them out.
As I mentioned before, that action was one of the most assertive things we see Falin do in the story, and she doesn't even get to keep that for herself. Instead of being her action, her choice, it becomes yet another thing that the others know more about than her.
I think that's part of why there is such an air of melancholy to this hug they share on the next page
Obviously, obviously, there are so many emotions here for Laios and I don't think its all meant to be viewed as a negative thing, or that he or Marcille are being completely unreasonable. They've been through a lot, and what's more, they think they have time now. So much more time then they actually will have. Time to explain, to open up, to let Falin return to the group in full - as a teammate and not just as someone to be cared for and protected.
But they don't get time. And this relenting by Falin, this "I won't do it again," it's not something that feels triumphant. It's an attempt to comfort them, more a prayer than a promise. As if she is trying to exorcise a spirit. As if she is capable of promising that death won't come, eventually. It's what Laios needs, not what she wants.
That's the real tragedy of the chapter, I think. It's the one time, in the midst of everything, that they have the chance to give Falin what she wants - and they don't do it.
But I do think they realize that, and I think that this failure is a core part of their journey. It's another bittersweet taste to add to the mix - all the missed chances in this chapter to connect, amidst the moments of genuine peace they do get throughout it.
As Laios puts it later...
If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, and perhaps if they hadn't failed her here, they never would have had the adventure that they got to share.
(or, perhaps more tactfully: in life & chapter 28, there are both good times and bad. Thanks, Chilchuk)
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I think my favourite concept in Dunmeshi is that... There is an urgency in most of us to sacrifice our peace of mind when push comes to shove. Perhaps to worry means that you care about the emergency at hand (whatever level of emergency that is subjectively) and we pinpoint focus on the task and everything else disappears. Our sleep and diet patterns change even though these activities are pivotal for our dopamine systems and functionally make us feel healthier and help us think clearer. It's self-punishing, the "grind" so to speak: to persevere we have to forget the self and think solely of the object.
But Dunmeshi doesn't let you get away with that. These people's friend is captive in a monster's body, their world is literally ending, and still they sit down to eat. To eat is to live. Only living things eat and it is the privilege of the living. Yes, there is a crisis. Yes they are upset and heartbroken and distressed. But they still focus on the food: the very thing that sustains you and gives you energy to think, to move, to keep going. A moment of gratitude offered to life by actually, consciously indulging in it. They aren't bad people for eating while Falin's suffering, no. It is simply unfeasible to give parts of yourself to a situation while hoping to gain twice as much back. Just take the time to make food, think about how delicious it looks, and eat. Even if you fail, you need to eat. Even if you succeed, you need to eat. You need to live life no matter what. You need to enjoy it no matter what. It is never "inappropriate" to just live your life.
I really, really love that we know basically nothing about Dora Ingerlund.
We know a handful of basic facts about her life and her relationship with Harry, but we know nothing about who she is as a person. Our only Dora Primary Sources are a short 20-year-old letter and a phone call. We only see Dora filtered through Harry - and not even filtered through Harry's concrete memories, because he doesn't have those anymore. We only see her filtered through his emotional memories and his dreams. I think it's likely that Harry's dream conflation of Dora and Dolores Dei bears very little resemblance to the actual person Dora Ingerlund; she's become a symbol of his own self-loathing and regrets.
By doing this, the narrative avoids placing blame on either Dora or Harry for Dora leaving. Was Harry awful to her? Was she awful to him? Is Harry right that she didn't want to deal with his poverty? Was she driven away by his alcoholism? Was it just an inevitable clash of their personalities and/or external factors that made things fall apart? We have no real idea. And it doesn't matter! The problem isn't what happened, or who's at fault; the problem is that Harry can't let go. The amnesia can be a gift, if Harry lets it - it's much harder to self-flagellate about his mistakes and agonize about might-have-beens when he literally doesn't remember them. It's impossible for the audience or Harry to know the truth of what happened, now; and that was always true, because human memory is deeply subjective, but the amnesia made that much clearer.
Disco Elysium is about how people are shaped by their circumstances and their past choices, and it's also about how people always have the agency to make new choices. The narrative is deeply compassionate to people who make bad choices; it doesn't shy away from the negative impacts those choices have on others, but it's not about blame or fault. The substance of the past shapes you - your perception of the past shapes you - but moving forward is what matters.
You know people like to say that vriska caused every plot development in homestuck in some way but like give terezi some credit she is what lead to davesprite's timeline which also influenced rose to go grimdark eventually and then she made sure the trolls find the beta kids to begin with. Then near the end she instructed john on how to go about the recton.
The difference is that Vriska exploited game mechanics to make everything about her retroactively without changing anything of importance, while Terezi exploited them to advance her agenda, without concerning herself with taking the credit
Terezi has always been a better manipulator than her despite not having mind control powers, one of the reasons is that she doesn't brag about how great she's at manipulating
"i hate davepeta they ruined davesprite's character arc!!" mfw the character burdened with their identity finds freedom and joy in allowing themselves to become a different person rather than remaining trapped as a "bargain bin" facsimile of their ideal self
it's the whole point that davepeta comes out of nowhere. they're a big fuckin trans metaphor, as is obvious to anyone who lays their eyes on them
self love is not forming a rigid expectation of who you should be, what you should accomplish, and what you should look like, and then hurting yourself over and over by trying in vain to live up to that impossible ideal. self love takes you by surprise. davepeta is tacky, strains the eyes to look at, they have wolverine claws and big bird wings and cat ears and sunglasses and a cat face and they're wearing a trenchcoat with puffy sleeves over a nightgown. theyre like an oc ripped from deviantart. they are a hodgepodge of opposing traits that seem like they could never fit together. it's nowhere close to the ideal that either of their components imagined for themselves, but they still love it. they find beauty in their own disorder, and constantly discover things about themselves that makes them laugh with shock at the absurdity of their own being. even THEY know how stupid their existence is, and they love it. davepeta's joy makes them beautiful
So, White Steven, unlike the original, is pretty balanced with his abilities. Classic Steven had sooo many powers.
So if you had to choose the same amount of unique abilites that you gave to your Steven, what abilites would you conserve?
Well, alright, let's get into this.
Currently, WD!Steven has displayed the following Standard Gem powers:
bubbling other gems
using warp pad
summoning weapon
shapeshifting
Excluding these, we can deduce he has the following Unique Abilities:
glowing like a nightlight
TrueSight (seeing a gem's intended or desired form)
Power Word Poof (poofing blast from end of season 3)
Geas (limited control over a gem's actions, without compromising their overall personality)
electromagnetic telekinesis (controlling tech)
STILL TECHNICALLY A SPOILER
SPOILER
Canon Steven, at the end of Future, had the following:
healing
phytokinesis (plant control)
stronk (arguably a general gem ability)
bubble shield (debatable, this may be a variant manifestation of his gem weapon)
Dream Communication with gems
Floating/Doublejump
Angry Blast (as per Pink Pearl's wall-shattering yell)
Superspeed (activated in Future when Smokey fuses)
So TEEECHNICALLY speaking they have a pretty equivalent amount of powers.
The reason Steven feels OP is because a lot of his powers are... Extreme. He doesn't only heal, he heals OBJECTS as well as people. He doesn't only control plants, he gives them sentience.
His powers actually make sense, and I think the only thing I would ostensibly change about him is his doublejump/flying ability and his superspeed.
Not because they're OP, but because he doesn't really... need them? And they don't tell us anything about his overall character.
Then again, I love the fact that Rose floated, and it could be explained away by the fact that gems naturally need to be able to adjust to any planetoid's surface gravity - and Pink may well have figured out a silly way to disrupt that natural rubber-band effect in order to goof off by floating.
The superspeed also seemed a bit overkill, but maybe that's just me. Afterall, Future was all about Steven pushing himself to his limits. Maybe that was really what was happening, and not a new burgeoning power.
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homestuck does a kinda funny psycheout thing with jade's grandpa that i havent thought about since i first read it, where it spends all this time not just building up to this very cool image of who grandpa harley will be, but also his relationship with jade. because the thing that happens with all the guardians beforehand is that things Escalate. john is annoyed by his dad? well rose openly resents her mom. and then dave is actually afraid of his bro. john's house is oddly decorated and filled with secrets but ultimate safe? well rose's is dark and imposing and unsettling and filled with secrets of an even greater magnitude. and dave's is just straight up intentionally dangerous and hostile. john has a silly prank fight with his dad? well rose has an emotionally turbulent confrontation with her mom. and dave's bro just straight up beats the shit out of him. and so far everything about jade and her grandpa seems prepared for a ramp up. the guardians get more and more eccentric, more and more embroiled in their own egos, getting their kids wrapped up in more and more dangerous shit. dave's bro makes him learn to fight with a sword? jade's grandpa makes her use a gun. see, its a ramp up!
and then jade's grandpa is a fucking stuffed corpse and like. i mean it sure is a ramp up! just not the one you're led to expect
