The Theme In My Aching Hoes

Velociraptors are scary but really they aren't that scary because they can't change speed. They always move at exactly the same rate, so they're predictable and you can avoid them. The real one to look out for is the acceleraptor

t'es woke toi. toi t'es un wooooke left.

they used to do nothing to me back in the morally neutral lab. it sucked

you were the control

fuuuuck what were they doing to the other folks #fomo

I am so sorry you had a traumatic childhood and it made you stupid on line. I was raised as a lotus flower and I smell like vanilla all the time

unfortunately the awful little freak everyone hates has saved the world so now we all have to try to be nice

A modern adaptation of Dracula where you keep seeing Jonathan Harker’s face on bus stop bench ads for his realtor office.

#“This client doesn’t seem to exist online; a bit strange. But he’s elderly so it’s not that unusual” -Jonathan about to make a mistake – @capslockdoesntexpressmyjoy

I was about to joke about Quincey Morris still being a cowboy, but then it occurred to me that he’s not actually a cowboy in the source material, is he? He’s the wealthy heir of a Texas ranch-owning family who just acts like an Old West cowboy. If anything, that’s even more plausible today than it was in 1897.

arrested on 17 counts of dracula