I see you every night and into the mornings I demand rest. That’s the last thing I get. Even in my dreams you’re far away. Someone else in the way. My attention diverted onto some other self serving task.

You were cruel and I was naive and hard headed. This paired with the heart on my sleeve I once wore made me a pain. A pain I can now appreciate and agonize over myself.

Agony isn’t as big of a word after you’ve felt it time and time again.

I disappoint myself.

I disappoint the ones I love including you.

For that i’m sorry.

For not loving me more, I’m sorry.

For loving me now, I’m sorry.

For not taking the time to love you….here…and now….

I wish I could say I was sorry.

I wish I could see into the future and cash those checks you write with each promise, but instead I’ll write my own knowing I may very well do the same.

That’s why when you call I answer.

That’s why I lose sleep over trying not to call and hoping you don’t answer.

I love you. I always will.