Stipulating that the South Caucasus nation should be nothing but ash by the time it’s all over, the will of recently deceased Sen. Lindsey Graham orders his estate to start a war with Azerbaijan, sources confirmed Monday. “The entirety of the document consists of very specific battle plans for the scorched-earth military conquest of Azerbaijan and a clear directive that all persons named in the will immediately begin deploying troops to carry out these objectives,” said a person close to Graham’s family who spoke on the condition of anonymity about the two-pronged offensive the late lawmaker had meticulously diagrammed for a land invasion from neighboring Armenia and a naval bombardment from the Caspian Sea.