I spoke to, or I shall say, I’ve listened to Tim yesterday (it is not his real name). We shared a pint after work. Tim is the most successful professional in our region. He is in his late ’20s, a tall, handsome, clever, witty and confident man. Life of a party. Tim got engaged about 6 months ago. He has a beautiful and equally successful partner. He told me many interesting and funny stories about how he got this job, how he met his girlfriend or what he does on holidays. It would appear that he is very happy. He has everything going for him. There was one odd thing though. Several times during our conversation, Tim mentioned the words “suicide” and “killing myself”. It was always in between the lines and he quickly jumped on to the next thing...
Men account for about 70% of suicides and are three times more likely to end their life. Middle-aged men are the highest risk group. I have Googled these statistics this morning.
Why I am writing this post? First of all, and to make it clear. I don't think about suicide. Even if I did, being a man, and myself, I would not admit to it. I would just go ahead and do it the Hemingway’s way. But, only if I ever became a burden to others. As long as I am healthy and can take care of myself, I will keep going. I believe that every one of us has the responsibility to make the most of the precious gift of life we have been given. It was not our choice to be born and it isn’t to end it. No matter how hard it gets.
I used to think that only a coward would kill himself. That it is an easy, selfish way out of trouble, a final sign of weakness and surrender. And a man has to be strong!
But here comes the mental health and people’s struggle with it. 20% of us are affected by clinically significant depression. Most of these people do not get help when they need it. Men are the worse. While women are more able to discuss their feelings with others, we resort to internalising our emotions. This can take us down the path of social isolation and loneliness. The downward spiral leads to the black hole of helplessness where suicide might suddenly feel like the only logical solution. This is dangerous and we need to be aware of it.
Verywellmind.com lists the most common factors for suicide to be:
Being bullied
History of physical or sexual abuse
Relationship breakdown
Loss of a loved one
Not being able to sustain meaningful relationships
Social isolation or living alone
Using alcohol and drugs to help cope with issues
Unemployment
We cant easily change the way we are, open up the floodgates, ask for help and start talking about all the problems that are eating us from the inside. This is just not what men do. We do things differently. We go to our caves.
“Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping” Jordan Peterson.
We do need to watch out for these red flags. I can see more than one (!) Be aware of them. No one else is going to do it for us. We have to act sooner rather than later. One step at a time. The further down the path you are the harder it gets to stop the slide. The hell awaits at the end of it. Avoid the hell.
