Strong 2 Survive

Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

Sanative Magazine’s 50 alternatives to self harm ordered by mood.

It is important in many peoples recovery journey to have a management plan when working through self harm. People can experience a wide variety of moods when the urge to self harm arises, although this list only deals with a few moods I hope that it is comprehensive and you will be able to understand that if you are feeling jealous you may like to try out the sad suggestions (if you are feeling particularly down), or the angry ones (if you are feeling particularly riled up and filled with frustrated energy).

It is good to have a few ideas that you would be willing to try in mind before the urge becomes too much to bare. Different emotional states often respond best to emotion specific responses, which is why lists like these can help. Keep any ideas that you are drawn to written down and try them next time you are feeling as if you want to self harm. These distraction and self soothing lists will be in constant revision as you find out what works for you (some things won’t work, and often nothing will work 100% of the time, but it is important to keep working at it.)

As with any mental health concern I recommend getting the assistance of a professional to work alongside you in this journey.

Here are a list of some distractions & self soothing ideas based on mood. Some of these activities could overlap into another mood, so don’t feel like they’re set in stone - use whatever you think would be helpful! SAD 1. Cry it out. 2. Watch a ridiculous comedy.  3. Take a warm shower 4. Listen to inspiring, upbeat music. 5. Spend time with a pet. 6. Organise your room 7. Phone a friend or even visit them 8. Read a trashy magazine 9. Make a list of quotes and lyrics that inspire you 10. Make a list of places you’d like to visit, or things you’d like to do within your lifetime. 11. Write how you’re feeling in a journal 12. Go for a long and peaceful walk 13. Bake or cook a favourite dish 14. Go to the movie theatre and watch the next movie that comes on (of course attempting to ensure that it will be trigger free) 15. Watch silly daytime television. 16. Play a video game or a board game. 17. Write letters to your best friends and send them if you wish to. 18. Start drawing, or a create a collage of how you’re feeling - don’t worry about how it looks, no one has to see it. 19. Cuddle a soft toy

ANXIOUS 20. Place a blanket in the dryer and wrap it around yourself 21. Make a cup of tea/coffee and attempt to focus mindfully on your actions whilst preparing and drinking the tea. 22. Look up and learn breathing techniques and mindfulness strategies, if you see a health professional try talking to them about these strategies and work out a plan of how to practice these techniques so that you’ll eventually be able to successfully use them when your urges seem unmanageable. 23. Run yourself a warm bath and fill it with aromatherapy oils. 24. Count by 9’s 25. Paint your nails 26. Colour in a mandala 27. If you are religious, pray or meditate. 28. Take photographs of something that catches your eye. Upload it somewhere like Instagram. 29. Collect a list of silly websites! For example 30. Look up funny cats and dogs on Youtube. Trust me. It’s endless and brilliant. 31. Fill in a CBT ABC worksheet or something similar. You can ask your therapist for something of the sort. Here is a good resource, it contains thought records as well. You can even draw up your own as these are arguably not the most aesthetically pleasing worksheets. http://www.psychologytools.org/download-therapy-worksheets.html 32. Watch a candle burn. 33. Fingerpaint ANGRY 34. Dance to ridiculous music 35. Scream out to music that expresses how you feel 36. Scream into a pillow 37. Punch a pile of pillows  38. Invest in a punching bag. Punch the absolute shit out of it. 39. Write a letter to someone you’re mad - swear at them, scream at them, get it ALL out, and and tear it up 40. Eat a lemon, sour loly, a chili - anything that will focus on your senses without hurting you. 41. Hold ice cubes in your hand, rub them under your knees, on the heels of your feet. 42. Watch a film that makes you laugh. 43. Take your dog for a walk 44. Wash the dishes 45. Go for a run/sprint 46. Write your thoughts on your body in red pen. 47. Hit soft toys/pillow against the wall repetitively. 48. Have a cold shower. With your clothes on if need be. If you get out of the shower and your urges/anger comes back, get in the shower again. ALL: 49. CALL A HELP LINE OR THERAPIST IF YOU ARE IN DANGER OR ARE FEELING UNSAFE LASTLY: 50. Remember that not every distraction will work and it is still important to consider why you are self harming to begin with. According to DBT therapy distractions are not a CURE for self harm, rather they are a technique to be used whilst the urges are too severe to work on. Aftere the urge has subsided it is important to SPEAK TO SOMEONE about how you are feeling. It is 34239534973657864% recommended that you find a health professional you trust to talk through these things with.

Male rape victim talks about why he finds male rape funny at the Atomic Vaudeville Cabaret in June of 2012.

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