졸음 / 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

rikkie could feel her mind beginning to buzz with intoxication. she walked with an air of confidence even in her drunken state, but she was nothing if not a lightweight. she had never been the type to be able to drink an entire bottle of liquor, not when it took her somewhere between seven and ten drinks to hit a level of belligerence. “ aw, you think i’m hot, ” she grins, maybe it was because she didn’t believe her anyways, maybe it was because she was drunk, but something had made her mind stick on that statement. maybe it was because she didn’t believe it, maybe t was because she was drunk, only time would tell. but when mia asks if she actually wants her to teach her, rikkie’s biting back an enthusiastic nod, because she cannot have mia thinking she’s enthusiastic about something. “ you know as well as i do that i can handle you romano.” she winks. her weathered hand reaches out for her drink, and she takes a long sip, but her eyes never actually leave mia’s form. she’d be a liar if she said that looking at the other woman wasn’t just as intoxicating as the vodka running through her veins. she could practically feel the men from across the bar still staring, but right now, she was too busy to deal with it. 

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         wyatt  didn’t  know  what  it  was  about  himself  that  felt  made  him  believe  that  no  one  really  cared  about  him  .  that  it  was  more  of  their  own  wants  and  needs  than  his  .  although  ,  it  probably  had  something  to  do  with  the  fact  that  he  didn’t  know  how  to  accept  that  people  did  care  .  he  didn’t  know  how  to  feel  like  he  deserved  it  so  instead  he  pushed  it  away  ,  he  rejected  it  .  he  made  comments  that  honestly  ,  belittled  everything  she  was  saying  to  him  .  that  continued  the  uphill  battle  of  anything  being  resolved  .  if  he  couldn’t  trust  her  in  something  as  simple  as  being  there  ,  how  was  he  ever  going  to  completely  let  things  resolve  with  them  ?  how  was  he  ever  going  to  get  passed  their  past  ?  if  he  couldn’t  forgive  himself  and  find  himself  at  least  a  little  worthy  of  the  girl  sitting  across  from  him  ,  how  would  he  ever  get  passed  this  ?  although  ,  wyatt  didn’t  like  to  think  too  hard  on  it  .  he  didn’t  like  to  be  reminded  just  how  much  mia  still  affected  him  .  how  much  he  still  thought  back  on  the  past  .  maybe  that’s  just  how  love  worked  ?  once  you  felt  it  ,  it’s  hard  to  let  that  feeling  go  when  you  hadn’t  even  felt  love  in  the  most  simple  and  platonic  ways  .  again  ,  wyatt  wouldn’t  admit  that  though  .  if  anything  he’d  say  that  maybe  love  just  wasn’t  in  the  cards  for  him  .  that  maybe  he  was  just  the  piece  of  the  puzzle  that  just  didn’t  work  .     ⏤     the  worst  part  was  that  it  wasn’t  even  his  relationship  with  mia  that  got  him  thinking  this  way  .  he  had  always  thought  this  way  …     (     which  probably  helped  put  the  final  nail  into  the  coffin  of  their  relationship  .     )     because  it  wasn’t  easy  .  being  with  him  wasn’t  easy  and  he  knew  that  .  he  knew  that  he  had  far  too  many  issues  with  himself  to  be  fully  there  in  a  relationship  but  he  loved  her  so  much  .  he’d  go  through  it  all  over  again  ,  the  hurt  ,  the  good  ,  the  bad  ,  he’d  go  through  it  to  love  her  in  the  time  he  did  . 

maybe  they  both  weren’t  ready  but  wyatt  couldn’t  help  but  blame  himself  the  most  .  if  there  was  one  thing  to  look  at  now  and  be  proud  of  …  it  was  mia  .  it  seemed  as  though  she  was  pushing  forward  ,  she  was  moving  on  and  trying  to  be  better  .  there  was  something  inspiring  about  that  .  it  wasn’t  that  wyatt  felt  like  the  both  of  them  would  be  forever  stuck  and  ruined  .  it  wasn’t  that  he  didn’t  think  she’d  get  over  him  .  he  knew  she  would  and  he  knew  she’d  pick  herself  back  up  ,  she  was  a  lot  stronger  than  most  people  he  knew  ,     (     she  was  stronger  than  him  .     )     it  didn’t  matter  how  many  demons  tried  to  eat  away  at  her  ,  here  she  was  .  still  fighting  to  be  better  .  wyatt  couldn’t  say  the  same  for  himself  .  so  no  ,  he  knew  she’d  push  through  but  it  was  still  nice  to  see  ,  even  if  he  couldn’t  say  that  out  loud  .  because  of  his  own  pride  ,  his  own  hurt  …  his  own  selfishness  that  he  was  still  drowning  in  the  death  that  was  their  romantic  relationship  .  and  honestly  ,  he  didn’t  know  if  he  could  ever  let  it  go  ?  wyatt  had  this  thing  where  happiness  ,  it  was  something  he  could  feel  and  then  let  go  of  ,  something  he  would  take  for  granted  .  but  pain  ,  hurt  ,  sadness  …  those  were  all  things  he  could  hold  onto  .  he  clenched  onto  .  as  if  to  believe  in  a  notion  that  if  he  didn’t  have  the  hurt  ,  he  wouldn’t  be  him  anymore  .  there  was  a  part  of  him  that  wished  he  could  teach  himself  how  to  be  better  .  to  be  someone  that  someone  like  mia  could  see  herself  with  again  but  those  were  pipe  dreams  and  wyatt  was  a  realist  .  everything  had  its  end  …  even  if  he’d  be  willing  to  ruin  everything  by  trying  again  and  chasing  a  feeling  that’d  more  than  likely  die  out  the  way  it  did  the  first  time  due  to  the  fact  that  he  still  wasn’t  ready  .  

      listening  to  her  ,  the  sigh  that  escaped  her  lips  was  all  too  familiar  to  him  .  it  was  a  sound  he’d  heard  time  and  time  again  because  this  definitely  wasn’t  the  first  time  he  had  sad  something  that  had  made  her  sigh  .     “     we  were  both  a  mess  and  you’re  right  ,  maybe  because  of  that  we  just  ,  we  were  products  of  bad  timing  .     “     a  theme  for  wyatt  ,  time  was  never  on  his  side  .  it  was  beginning  to  seem  more  like  a  wyatt  problem  than  a  time  problem  .     “     honestly  ,  i  don’t  think  i’m  built  for  it  .  the  serious  relationship  shit  …  so  maybe  it’s  a  good  thing  i  figured  it  out  sooner  rather  than  later  .  but  i  just  hope  whatever  person  comes  into  your  life  next  ,  they  don’t  take  it  for  granted  .  that  they  don’t  take  you  for  granted  .     “     shaking  his  head  ,  he  took  a  sip  of  his  coffee  .     “     i  know  ,     “     looking  at  her  again  ,  it  was  hard  looking  into  her  eyes  because  he  knew  from  the  way  she  was  looking  at  him  that  she  was  being  sincere  .  he  knew  that  look  ,  she  meant  what  she  was  saying  .     “     maybe  it’s  a  good  thing  you  just  see  me  that  way  now  .  maybe  something  different  is  better  .     “     he  agreed  ,  despite  the  small  dagger  he  felt  himself  stab  in  his  own  chest  .  but  no  matter  how  he  still  felt  ,  she  was  probably  right  .  this  was  better  for  them  .  and  he  had  to  agree  with  it  ,  he  couldn’t  put  himself  out  there  knowing  he’d  be  faced  with  disappointment  .     “     it’s  all  part  of  the  charm  ,  romano  .  piss  ‘em  off  and  leave  ‘em  laughing  .     “     he  smiled  before  nodding  .     “     no  hard  feelings  .     “     the  male  repeated  .

      mia felt the cup in her hands become warm with every minute that passed, as well as a little more empty with each sip, indicating that her time there was running out. the coffee grew cold, the minutes passed and the conversation seemed to go on to a somewhat bittersweet ending. exactly as their breakup had been some time ago. mia felt it was bittersweet simply because she now understood that they needed it to keep from hurting themselves even more, but that it still hurt nonethless. she could play strong now, show on the outside that she had managed to get over the sleepless nights because of the homesickness she felt, but no one would know how much she still hurt a little. she really still felt confused, and the urge to search for any lighter topic just because she didn't want to leave made her feel pathetic. moreover, she felt more and more bound hands, not knowing what else to say. it seemed that everything she said was somehow invalidated by the way that wyatt reacted. she had long ago learned how to deal with it, but it seems that time has also done it’s job in that regard. she didn't feel like she knew how to get inside his walls anymore and so she felt that the best thing to do was just let him handle the situation. at that moment, she decided that she would let him come to her occasionally if he needed and wanted to. she would never deny him anything, and as much as she felt naive because of it, she just couldn't be different. she really gave herself to people, maybe it was her sensitive side as a melancholy artist. who could say?

     deep down, mia felt that she was gradually giving up on fitting in with someone, and maybe wyatt had a little to do with it, even though he wasn’t the only culprit. much of the reason was in herself. maybe she shouldn’t create too high expectations and be that intense. her way of taking care was to move worlds and funds so that she could help, so that she could relieve even the slightest burden of the other person. mia was really holding on to not do that now. her tongue itched to say all the things she wanted, to try to make wyatt a little optimistic, so that he could escape the quicksand that were his internal issues. she knew him too well and to see him sabotaging himself  clutched her chest tightly. she knew there was nothing she could do, and it bothered her. if she could, she would switch places with him for just a few hours, just so that alves could see himself the way she saw him. her thoughts took too dangerous a route, but it was inevitable.

     romano was trying to be rational at the time, but the boy wasn't exactly helping her by saying all those things that didn't fail to somehow stir her heart. a sad smile seemed to have fixed itself on her mouth. she just couldn't think of any other way to react. “   well, i start to believe that i wasn't made for that either. the idea that we need to have someone lovingly talking in order to be happy is somewhat underestimated in my view.   ”  she remarked with the same sincerity. the thought was already prowling her mind, since love was too much complicated in most of the cases. “   maybe, yes.  ”  she gently shook her head, not wanting to speak more than she should. the different might not be that different, but mia didn't want to complicate things too much. more than that, she couldn't. and she would have to be able to cope, it shouldn't be that difficult. her eyes scanned the clock on the locked screen of her cell phone, just to check. “   thanks for giving me this chance to talk, wyatt. i will not take much more of your time. '' she hurried to say, afraid that she might have been holding him too long there. “   see you around... i guess?  ” she added, trying not to sound so expectant for a positive answer.

rikkie: yeah i guess you're right

rikkie: but i'm so bored

mia: fancy to know i'm a boredom killer for you

mia: i mean, i'm really honored, we're escalating this relantionship

rikkie: yeah i'm fine now

rikkie: if you're trying to annoy me you might have to work harder

mia: good, then

mia: nah, not this time

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       wyatt  didn’t  know  why  he  asked  mia  to  sit  with  him  while  they  drank  their  coffee  but  he  felt  like  it  was  something  they  needed  .  or  maybe  …  he  just  wanted  to  be  around  her  a  little  longer  .  wyatt  had  very  wishy  washy  feeling  when  it  came  to  being  around  mia  .  he  either  didn’t  want  to  be  around  her  ,  he  didn’t  want  to  see  her  ,  or  hear  her  voice  because  there  was  something  about  it  that  hurt  him  .  a  reminder  of  what  he  had  lost  .  but  on  the  other  side  of  the  spectrum  ,  he  wanted  to  see  her  ,  be  around  her  ,  hear  her  voice  just  a  little  while  longer  because  the  reality  hit  that  ,  things  would  never  be  the  same  anymore  .  because  he  did  miss  her  .  wyatt  wasn’t  one  to  throw  around  the  world  love  ,  he  didn’t  feel  it  at  the  drop  of  a  hat  but  he  did  love  mia  and  he  didn’t  think  he’d  be  able  to  stop  loving  her  .  she’d  always  have  a  piece  of  him  with  her  .     (     he  just  had  to  learn  to  leave  without  that  piece  ,     )     and  maybe  one  day  he  would  get  to  that  point  .  maybe  one  day  ,  things  wouldn’t  be  so  hard  .  maybe  one  day  he  wouldn’t  torture  himself  over  something  that  he  won’t  ever  have  again  ,  something  ,  someone  he  had  to  let  go  of  .

pulling  his  hand  away  ,  he  put  the  cash  back  into  his  wallet  before  sliding  it  back  into  his  pocket  .  he  knew  that  she  wouldn’t  let  him  pay  ,  she  offered  after  all  ,  but  that  didn’t  mean  he  wouldn’t  try   .  it  was  reflex  for  him  to  pay  for  himself  .  wyatt  wasn’t  a  big  fan  of  handouts  or  more  so  ,  he  wasn’t  a  big  fan  of  feeling  like  he  owed  someone  something  …  but  this  was  different  .  he  had  to  put  his  pride  to  the  side  for  now  .  they  told  each  other  that  they’d  try  .  they’d  try  to  be  better  around  each  other  .  to  not  fight  or  argue  .  and  wyatt  knew  better  than  to  ever  think  that  mia  would  buy  him  something  ,  her  treat  .  and  then  expect  something  out  of  him  .  he  knew  her  well  enough  to  know  that  that  wasn’t  her  .  wyatt  trusted  mia  .  which  was  ironic  ,  being  that  their  breakup  was  built  on  distrust  for  each  other  .  and  maybe  he’d  be  a  liar  if  he  said  that  there  wasn’t  a  part  of  him  that  didn’t  completely  trust  her  .     (     not  that  mia  wasn’t  a  trustworthy  person  in  the  grand  scheme  of  things  ,     )     she  was  a  very  trustworthy  person  .  but  wyatt  had  a  hard  time  trusting  anyone  .  it  was  easier  to  feel  as  though  no  one  was  completely  trustworthy  than  to  put  your  trust  in  someone  ,  only  to  be  disappointed  by  the  outcome  .  he  had  felt  ,  he’d  done  that  for  too  many  people  time  and  time  again  ,  and  he  couldn’t  bare  to  do  it  anymore  .  he  was  tired  .

       sitting  down  ,  wyatt  looked  out  the  window  for  a  moment  .  watching  as  a  few  people  walked  down  the  sidewalks  ,  entering  whatever  shops  they  ended  up  wandering  into  .     ⏤     when  hearing  what  she  was  saying  ,  wyatt  looked  at  the  girl  again  .  at  first  he  was  quiet  …  as  if  he  was  either  taking  in  everything  she  was  saying  or  he  was  trying  to  hold  back  something  .  and  honestly  ,  it  could’ve  been  a  little  bit  of  both  .  wyatt  was  still  unsure  if  he  could  believe  it  .  what  did  she  have  to  stick  around  for  ?  why  would  she  want  to  ?  he  wasn’t  worth  her  time  ,  he  knew  that  .  friendship  or  otherwise  ,  he  didn’t  feel  like  he  was  worth  it  and  he  figured  if  anyone  knew  how  unworthy  he  was  ,  it’d  be  mia  .  she  knew  him  better  than  most  .  she’d  seen  him  in  a  lot  of  different  positions  .  although  ,  they  had  both  kept  things  from  each other  during  their  relationship  ,  that  didn’t  mean  that  she  didn’t  see  a  lot  still  .     ⏤     “   okay  ,  if  you  have  to  prove  something  to  yourself  than  i  won’t  stop  you  .   “   he  nodded  a  little  ,  pressing  his  lips  together  for  a  moment  before  swallowing  a  little  and  bringing  the  coffee  up  to  his  lips  ,  taking  a  small  sip  of  the  hot  liquid  .  placing  it  back  down  on  the  table  ,  he  couldn’t  help  the  sigh  that  fell  from  his  lips  as  he  shook  his  head  and  looked  into  her  eyes  .   “   but  you  should  know  ,  it  wasn’t  you  that  hurt  me  .  i’ve  always  done  a  pretty  great  job  of  doing  that  to  myself  .  you  just  …  you  ended  up  getting  stuck  in  the  middle  of  my  own  shit  .  i  shouldn’t  have  put  you  in  that  position  .   “   it  was  true  ,  wyatt  was  hurt  ,  but  he  blamed  himself  more  than  anything  .  it  was  just  easier  getting  angry  at  her  than  continuing  to  beat  himself  up  .   “   and  i  could  never  hate  you  ,  mia  .  do  you  ever  piss  me  off  ?  sure  ,  and  i’m  sure  i  piss  you  off  constantly  but  hating  you  isn’t  something  i  can  do  .  even  if  ,  something  i  think  that’d  make  things  a  lot  easier  .  if  i  could  just  hate  you  and  forget  about  you  ,  not  care  .  but  that’s  not  that  case  …  so  ,  you  don’t  have  to  keep  thinking  any  of  that  .  it’s  resolved  .  feel  free  to  let  yourself  off  the  hook  .  you  don’t  have  to  stick  around  .  no  hard  feelings  .   “

if you have to prove something to yourself ; that sentence caught a lot of her attention, and it would be a lie to say it didn't bother her. mia's ever-expressive eyebrows twitched, as well as her lips curled, and now it was her turn to let a heavy, long breath echo through the space between them. mia didn't want to prove exactly anything to herself with the whole situation. she just wanted to lessen the wars she had been waging on just about everything in her life. would it be that hard for him to realize that she simply wanted to have his presence back?? it was difficult for mia to say her wishes with all her words, but as time went on she saw that she would have no other choice. wyatt was too suspicious, too withdrawn and mia couldn't deny that at some point in her relationship with him it started to wear on her. it wasn't easy to deal with someone like that, but she just liked him so much that she let it go, and did everything she could to make sure she was there. but, somehow, that wasn’t enough. she didn't feel enough, and then everything went downhill. mia started to weigh in if it was really worth living like that. there came a time when, unfortunately, only love no longer justified living in constant struggle.

thinking about struggle was quite ironic, since none of that went away when they were done. despite all the problems, her parents liked wyatt, and that was one more point in his favor. ending a relationship was never easy, especially when mia still loved him and felt like a failure for not being able to keep what they had, not even their complicity. as she listened to him speak, she pushed some more of the liquid down her throat, feeling that the caffeine helped her keep her thoughts in order to continue to conduct the conversation well. for a moment, she wondered if she was really doing the right thing. deep down, she felt so, because sitting there facing him and having a civil conversation after all this time just felt right. it was familiar, it made her comfortable and she liked that feeling. mia felt that was what she had been missing in her life lately. it was a relief to hear from his mouth that he didn't hate her, and something deep inside (  long asleep  ) stirred when he let it be understood that he hadn't been able to forget her either. romano had to restrain herself, not let her hopes get too high, much less lose the line of the limits she needed to leave drawn. they would be friends, and that's all. mia didn't want to feel that her loneliness made her put everything to waste with any kind of relapse. they were fine like this, wyatt didn’t need her to mess things up in his life with something that had to stay in the past. maybe they just weren't meant to be and everything was fine.

“   i don't want to prove anything.  ” she replied at last, shaking her head slightly. she made her eyes rise from the cup between her hands, meeting his warm browns, sustaining the exchange of looks that a sincere conversation needed to have. “   you also got into the mess my own life was in. i think we both started at the wrong time, neither of us was ready to get into a serious relationship. on my part, at least, i can assure you that it was all for real. i still like you, wyatt, whether you want to believe it or not. but it’s kind of caring, something different, you know? shit, we're human, it's practically impossible to get rid of 100% of things.  ” she finished with another sigh, rolling her eyes slightly. “   you actually pissed me off a lot, but you also made me laugh just as much. i think you must have a gift for that.  ” mia let out a small amused smile. a silence stretched for a moment, when mia tried to find her next words. “   okay. if that's what you want, i can do it. but i need you to know, that i really want to be your friend again. no hard feelings.   ”

he laughed, rolling his eyes with a nod. “you aren’t wrong there.” he noted. he clapped his hands together, eyes growing wide with mock excitement. “really? oh, i’d be honored, mia. oh finally i have my dream job.” he smirked. he was sarcastic, that was one of his many traits, but it was always in good fun. playful banter was what he lived for, and he dished it out whenever he could. he nodded his head quickly. “yes, please. i’m starving. what are you thinking?” he asked curiously, gesturing towards the door. “fast food? chinese? tacos? choice is yours, my treat.” he hummed smiling at her. 

rikkie: hey

rikkie: thanks for being there the other day

rikkie: sorry you had to deal with that chaos

mia: you don't have to thank me

mia: well, you're fine now, aren't you?

“you think far too highly of me, mia. i’m worth a half eating mcdouble and some stale fries, so any bet is better than that.” he mused at her response. in his mind, that was the truth, and there wasn’t any amount of arguing that would change his mind. he waited for the other worker to come up before nodding his head at the guy and handing him the keys before making his way over to where mia stood. “it’s highly suspect. their a pretty good band, and i have quite a bit of their music interlaced in my playlist.” he noted, leaning against the bin. he was always happy to help when it came to music, especially since it was all he ever really thought about. “if you need to update your playlist, i’m always down to give some suggestions. i have far too much knowledge on music, and i’m just waiting to give it all out.” he chuckled. 

nik had spent most of his day at work, which was a usual for him. between bills and saving for a car, it was essential he worked as much as possible. of course , he always found time for his friends, whether that was on his day off, or like right now when they would come into work and talk with him. it was no surprise to him when he heard mia’s voice. he chuckled as he leaned against the counter, looking at her. “oh, i’m good, just hanging out at work, per usual.” he hummed. he chuckled at her offer, before nodding his head. “sounds like a plan to me, romano. but, if you’re willing to put your money where your mouth is on that game, i’m even more down.” he teased, pushing himself on the counter to help one last customer as the guy who was replacing him came through the door. “looks like it’s your lucky day, today. i believe i’m just about to get off.” he said with a chuckle. 

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      mia  had  grown  up  feeling  as  though  she  had  to  be  tough  ,  that  she  had  to  push  her  way  through  the  suffering  or  even  keep  that  suffering  to  herself  and  in  a  sense  ,  wyatt  was  the  same  .  but  at  the  same  time  it  was  a  very  different  way  of  growing  up  .  it  actually  made  sense  that  they  were  both  the  way  they  were  .  wyatt  grew  up  holding  everything  in  because  he  was  fearful  of  what  would  happen  if  he  said  anything  .  he  also  grew  up  around  parents  that  didn’t  battle  through  any  of  their  hardships  ,  instead  they  let  everything  drown  them  and  they  turned  to  uglier  things  in  order  to  make  the  drowning  somewhat  bearable  …     (     or  maybe  they  were  just  making  it  worse  for  themselves  because  they  didn’t  care  enough  to  make  it  better  .     )     either  way  ,  that’s  what  he  grew  up  around  .  he  grew  up  learning  to  make  everything  ten  times  more  difficult  on  himself  than  it  had  to  be  .  he  grew  up  learning  to  blow  things  up  when  they  got  too  easy  .  he  also  learned  a  lot  about  distrust  ,  insecurities  in  himself  ,  and  forever  feeling  convinced  that  something  would  eventually  go  horribly  wrong  .  he  was  always  waiting  for  the  other  shoe  to  drop  …  which  more  than  likely  ,  didn’t  help  his  relationship  with  mia  all  that  much  .  the  two  had  flaws  ,  they  still  had  a  few  of  them  if  not  all  of  them  ,  maybe  it  wasn’t  all  that  surprising  that  they  didn’t  last  ?  put  them  together  and  the  concoction  is  bound  to  explode  at  some  point  .

it  had  been  awhile  since  they  were  together  ,  wyatt  knew  that  .  but  that  didn’t  change  the  fact  that  he  still  held  onto  the  past  .  it  didn’t  change  that  he  still  cared  about  her  .  it  also  didn’t  change  the  fact  that  there  were  some  grudges  he  was  still  holding  onto  .  there  was  a  mixture  of  things  he  was  holding  onto  when  it  came  to  mia  .  grudges  ,  hurt  ,  regret  ,  and  even  love  .  but  he  knew  he  couldn’t  dive  into  all  of  that  .  scared  of  the  possibility  that  it’d  mess  with  his  head  .  there  was  a  reason  wyatt  didn’t  get  into  relationships  ,  he  knew  he  was  fucked  up  .  he  knew  that  ,  even  though  he’d  like  to  grow  and  learn  from  his  experiences  ,  he  really  hadn’t  yet  .  hell  ,  in  some  way  he  was  becoming  just  like  his  parents  ,  in  the  mindset  that  he’d  rather  let  everything  drown  him  ,  rather  than  looking  it  in  the  face  and  trying  to  change  or  even  come  to  terms  with  it  .  in  order  to  be  better  .     ⏤     another  reason  the  two  probably  didn’t  work  out  ,  wyatt’s  undeniable  stubbornness  .

      letting  out  the  smallest  of  laughs  ,  he  nodded  his  head  .  he  was  also  trying  to  lighten  the  mood  .  she  was  right  ,  they  couldn’t  keep  arguing  out  in  the  middle  of  the  street  ,  in  front  of  a  coffee  shop  .  and  who  knows  ?  maybe  they  could  find  some  middle  ground  here  ?  find  that  friendship  they  once  had  before  the  break  up  ,  before  even  the  relationship  .  or  maybe  that’s  just  what  wyatt  was  telling  himself  ,  trying  to  get  himself  to  believe  it  ?  in  the  moment  ,  he  didn’t  know  why  he  was  even  agreeing  to  all  of  this  …  it  was  easier  to  just  run  away  from  it  all  .  but  deep  down  ,  maybe  he  just  didn’t  want  to  lose  another  person  that  was  an  important  piece  in  his  life  .  maybe  he  just  didn’t  want  to  feel  so  alone  ?  maybe  it  was  because  he  still  cared  about  her  ?  he  still  had  feelings  ?  or  maybe  he  just  wanted  his  friend  back  ?  he  couldn’t  really  pinpoint  where  he  was  coming  from  right  now  and  he  didn’t  really  feel  like  exploring  why  .   “   i  know  ,  but  i  guess  we’ll  have  to  see  for  sure  if  you  like  that  challenge  when  it’s  me  or  us  or  whatever  .  see  if  it’s  even  worth  it  .  i  don’t  know  ?  i  hope  you  don’t  change  your  mind  .   “   wyatt  said  ,  pretty  honestly  as  they  got  up  to  the  spot  to  order  .  before  ordering  ,  wyatt  looked  at  the  girl  .   “   but  they  aren’t  always  a  bad  thing  either  .   “   he  shrugged  ,  maybe  if  he  was  different  ,  if  he  changed  how  he  was  ,  they’d  still  be  ok  .  ordering  what  he  wanted  ,  he  let  her  go  next  as  he  pulled  out  some  cash  from  his  wallet  and  handed  it  to  the  cashier  .   “   wanna  sit  by  the  window  ?   “

    they  just had to wait for the only person before them in line to fulfill their request, so that they could finally do the same. the delicious smell of coffee that gave off in every corner of better beans aroused in mia the desire to stay there all day, with a good book in hand and a cup of coffee that made the girl feel warm inside. her passion for caffeine was undeniable, and during the night when it was the only time she could have peace to study, it was a welcome ally. maybe her addiction started from that habit developed recently, but the truth is that mia was beginning to be a recurring figure in that space of the city. maybe that's why she didn't even have to tell the attendant which drink she would like to have, since most of the people there in some way already knew the brunette. so, while she waited, mia had time to think about what wyatt had just said.

    in one side, she felt a little upset that alves still thought that at some point all of that would stop being worth it to her. if he stopped to think for a few minutes, he would understand that it wouldn’t make sense for her to invite him in with her if she didn’t think it would be worth it. but after all they've been through, mia was aware of how wyatt used to act and think. so she knew that one of her biggest efforts would be to always make it very clear to him that she didn’t intend to be stupid enough to leave again, not if he didn’t want her to go and let her know what his was will. the time she had with her therapist, even though it had been short (  since she was still quite reluctant to open her life to anyone  ), made her understand that certain matters in her life needed to have a conclusion. if it went by herself, she would never be there trying to resume whatever it was with wyatt, since for a long time he had been the subject that hurt her the most and that she wanted at all costs to forget and avoid. mia even managed to do these two things successfully for a long time, but cornell was too small and anywhere she went had something that reminded her of him and all her effort was wasted in a matter of seconds. therefore, mia realized that the only way to end all that anguish (  and, as much as she didn't want to think about it now, the lack that wyatt certainly represented in her life  ) was to face that problem once and for all. mia romano was an obstinate person, sure of everything she did in her life, and was sure she wouldn’t change her mind.

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            mia    was    honestly    better    at    all    this    than    wyatt    ,    or    at    least    she    seemed    to    be    better    at    it    all    .    she    matured    through    all    the    hell    they    endured    ,    through    the    good    and    bad    of    their    relationship    .    she    pushed    herself    up    and    learned    from    the    situation    .    meanwhile    ,    wyatt    liked    to    think    he    learned    from    it    but    really    he    just    picked    up    a    very    pessimistic    view    on    relationships    ,    love    ,    and    letting    people    in    .    really    ,    in    a    lot    of    ways    he    was    still    stuck    in    the    past    rather    than    pushing    forward    and    trying    to    move    forward    .    it    was    something    he    definitely    needed    to    work    on    but    it    was    a    lot    harder    to    do    than    he    had    thought    it    would    be    .    truth    be    told    ,    mia    was    a    lot    stronger    than    wyatt    was    as    a    person    .    wyatt    tended    to    let    the    world    swallow    him    whole    .    even    if    he    denied    it    …    he    did    .    

he    let    everything    suffocate    him    until    he    couldn’t    breathe    anymore    because    instead    of    facing    things    he    pushed    them    away    ,    ran    from    them    ,    or    completely    disregarded    it    .          (          is    that    healthy    ?          )          not    at    all    ,    but    wyatt    wasn’t    the    healthiest    person    at    times    .    he    had    always    struggled    ,    he    had    always    been    accustom    to    drowning    .    even    if    it    was    mostly    internally    .    there    was    an    ongoing    battle    with    himself    at    all    times    and    when    he    was    with    mia    …    there    were    times    she’d    stop    the    war    he    put    himself    through    and    other    times    when    she’d    ignite    it    but    he    couldn’t    let    go    of    those    little    moments    she’d    clear    it    all    for    him    .    again    ,    going    back    to    how    he    more    than    likely    relied    on    her    far    too    much    and    he    shouldn’t    have    .    not    because    she    wasn’t    reliable    ,    she    was    .    mia    was    a    great    girlfriend    and    friend    .    they    both    just    broke    at    the    seams    in    the    end    because    they    were    both    obviously    not    ready    for    something    like    that    .    but    it    was    more    so    ,    wyatt    had    to    learn    to    feel    some    kind    of    self    comfort    or    love    for    himself    as    well    .    he    couldn’t    rely    on    mia    or    anyone    else    for    that    matter    to    take    all    that    weight    for    him    .

“        i    can’t    promise    it’ll    be    easy    …    but    i’m    willing    to    try    too    .      “      he    said    ,    swallowing    what    felt    like    a    brick    in    the    back    of    his    throat    .    he    didn’t    know    why    it    felt    like    someone    was    squeezing    his    heart    and    twisting    but    everything    about    this    ,    it    felt    a    lot    like    giving    up    .    which    honestly    ,    that    was    probably    what    was    needed    .    for    both    of    them    to    completely    surrender    to    it    all    .    putting    his    hand    out    ,    wyatt    reached    his    hand    out    to    shake    hers    as    if    they    were    making    a    deal    .      “      truths    to    not    ripping    each    others    hair    out    today    ?      “      wyatt    continued    .    it    was    nice    knowing    she    didn’t    hate    him    because    honestly    ,    he    hated    himself    for    letting    everything    get    to    where    it    was    but    at    the    same    time    there    was    a    part    of    him    that    wanted    her    to    hate    him    .    it’d    make    it    a    hell    of    a    lot    easier    .    or    ,    that’s    what    that    pessimistic    part    of    his    brain    told    him    .          ⏤          walking    in    behind    her    ,    he    grabbed    the    door    and    held    it    open    ,    letting    her    go    in    the    rest    of    the    way    before    going    in    after    her    .      “      yeah    ,    you    know    me    ,    not    a    huge    fan    of    change    .      “

one of the things she admired most about her dad was how he was always strong, unshakable, as if he could take anything that life gave him. she knew the complicated story that the father side of her family had to deal with when leaving sorrento to settle in america, and she had no words to describe how much she admired them all. in a way, she had inherited that strength from the romanos. not that her mother’s side of the family was weak, but had something in the way the romanos dealt with suffering and difficulties that was in fact different, even more optimistic. mia was in the habit of simply suffering in silence, as if the slightest weakness she showed would make her less worthy. in her relationship with wyatt, this trait had been a huge obstacle that she knew had a big role in creating an even greater distance between them. she never really managed to say everything she felt, everything she had suffered from the problems they faced and still felt that she had it all stuck in her throat.

 this, however, wasn’t the time for this and she wouldn’t spoil everything just by digging into the past and bringing it all up. mia liked to think that she was doing well, that she didn't need to think about all that chaos anymore and that no good would ever get into that subject anymore. she had managed to go through it all without having to expose herself, so it was okay and she could go on like this, dealing with her problems alone as she always has been. bottling everything was the easiest way she found to deal with things, especially while still living with her parents and seeing how they didn't have time for her teenage dramas. wyatt knew about the surface, he knew about the frustrations she let out in the middle of the arguments they had, but in her mind it was enough. things have already gone wrong only with superficial frustrations, and she was frustrated that she was unable to save what they had. now, however, that page was turned (  at least she thought it was  ) and if she had the possibility to rescue at least the friendship they had now, it was what she would do without having to sink into the past again.

mia made her laugh, when she got like this. when she started drinking, and the scathing banter was more flirty than angry. “ i’d like to see you try, babe.” rikkie chuckled, her arm wrapping around the woman in the seat next to her. “ i’m not bragging, i’m being honest.” she’d be a liar if she said that mia’s tendency to be vocal didn’t also work in her favor. the amused men on the other side of the bar receive a scathing look from the blonde, and she feels her blood boiling. she feels like she’s about to walk over there and start a fight. she picks up the glass and follows after her, her green eyes looking up and down mia’s body. it wasn’t lost on her that the other woman was stunning, and most of the time she didn’t understand how she’d pulled this off. not that she mentioned that, it would inflate mia’s ego too much. but she didn’t mind thinking about it, because fuck, she was excited for where she knew the night would inevitably lead them. she leans over the pool table, to pick up a cue, she hadn’t tried all too hard when it came to the night out. her usual uniform of skintight black jeans, open black button up, and notched eyebrow gave her a very stereotypically soft butch look. she hadn’t worked that hard, beyond the usual effort she put in. because of that, she often wondered why mia chose to come home with her. maybe it was the immaculate head she had alluded to. when mia asks her if she knows how to play, she has to laugh. “ no idea. but i’m a quick study, so you could totally teach me.”