Love yourself and play Okami

5 simple exercises to awaken dormant muscles

good evening, tumblr user @morning-st48. or should i say... bad morning? because i think you are the one spreading misinformation about my big beautiful daughter.

but i will not hold this against you. i am a big man with a big daughter, and i would like to use this as a teaching opportunity.

Dante doesn't smoke. He exclusively eats pizza and ice cream. He gets stabbed twice a week. He unironically says "Woohoo! Yeeha! Watcha!" All the women in his life keep attacking him and then take all of his money, with the exception of Patty, who got rich and decorated Devil May Cry in balloons and ribbons and then stole Dante's ice cream anyway. His nephew kicked him into a statue and impaled him with his own sword when they first met.

Vergil is a grown-ass man running around with a katana cutting down everything but his mommy issues. He loses every fight. He uses hair gel despite not even living in human society. He attacked his dad's enemy to prove he was just as good and they kicked his ass. He made up his own overpowered self-insert devilsona because he kept losing to Dante and then it kicked his ass. His humansona looks like if Kylo Ren googled what emo was. He killed millions of people for a fruit that makes you stronger and then Dante kicked his ass. And then his son kicked his ass. He has never paid child support. He answered Dante's statement of "You cut off your own son's arm for this?" with "My son means nothing to me" and then gets surprised when told that Nero is his son, implying he's cut so many arms off that his son being Nero never even entered his mind. His own doppleganger summon occasionally dances outside of his control, making him die of cringe.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow and you realize you (and everyone else in the world) can turn into an animal (And back into a human) at will.

Please go to this link to see what animal it will be for you:

(this is random, and yes, you only get one, no redos)

With this in mind, please reply to the following questions as truthfully as possible based on your current situation. (Not an ideal fantasy one.)