One year ago today (9.20.20) I lost my little brother and best friend. It was the day I joined the club no one wants to be a part of - the dead siblings club - the day my family changed forever. Iāve experienced plenty of loss prior to losing Nick, but none was as painful and hard as losing my little brother. Iām struggling to figure out exactly what I want to say, but I know Nickās in Heaven and is surrounded by family. This past year Iāve felt so many emotions - sadness, pain, anger, guilt, numbness, etc. Iāve learned that the grief process is never-ending and not linear. Iāve learned I will grieve for the rest of my life.
A year ago, Nick left to go to a ābuddyāsā house to watch a fight on TV. I remember saying āDrive safelyā to him before he went. Turns out Nick bought ācocaineā from this ābuddy.ā Nick came home later that night, and I didnāt see him because I had already gone to bed when he got home. Sunday afternoon, we found Nick dead in his bed. What Nick didnāt know is that his ābuddyā/dealer had sold him cocaine laced with fentanyl. Prior to Nickās death, I had no idea what fentanyl was, and I didnāt know that drug dealers mixed it in with other drugs because itās cheaper. It blows my mind that people would value a few dollars over a human personās life. For those who donāt know, fentanyl is a synthetic opioid; the amount of fentanyl it takes to kill someone is less than a grain of salt. Nick had over 8x the amount in his system it would take to kill a person. He stood no chance to live.
I guess Iām writing this to raise awareness of the opioid, more specifically fentanyl, epidemic in this country. Nowadays, if you buy drugs off the street or off of social media, you are literally playing Russian roulette with your life. You do not know what is in that drug, and chances are, youāll die. Please educate your children and friends about this. One pill can end your life and cause your family and friends endless pain. Now, Nick wasnāt perfect; he was only human. He made mistakes. He bought the drugs, but he didnāt deserve to die. He had a full, wonderful life ahead of him. My family will never get to celebrate another birthday with him. I will never get to have the future experiences between siblings with him. Heāll never get to have his own children.
I pray that my sharing will help someone else be spared the pain of losing a loved one like this. I pray that Nickās up there watching over us, and I pray that my family can find peace.
Nickās Big Sister - Forever23
Illicit fentanyl has become an epidemic in this country; so much so that the DEA has created a "National Fentanyl Awareness Day," which is today, May 10th.
I will continue to educate people about fentanyl poisoning until I die... because if I can save one family the pain of losing a family member, then at least one good thing came out of my brother's death.
Please don't assume that it "couldn't happen to your sibling or child" because I'm here to tell you that I had that exact thought after Nick died.... things like this don't happen to my family. I was wrong. It could and DID happen to my family...
Maybe if I would've known about fentanyl before Nick died, I could've done something, but I will never know... so here I am trying to educate as many people as possible.
#OnePillCanKill
