ᯓ ✶ stockpiled memories˖ ݁♬˚꩜

Endo centric is a term I made to describe behaviors, communities, actions or individual people in the greater all origins plural community. Something or someone being endo centric means that despite to be “all origins safe” or inclusive of CDDs, it is clearly designed with non-cdd plurality in mind.

Some examples being:

A pro endo posts an advice post for “all plurals”, however the advice would be directly harmful to most people with CDDs.

USING NAMES FROM CULTURES YOU AREN'T PART OF IS FINE!!! SO LONG AS: the culture is open, you do research on the culture's naming system, and do research on the specific name's meaning, origins, and cultural significance

If the name is very culturally significant and used for like... idk, random imaginary example: royalty only or something... DON'T USE IT. But otherwise— and so long as you're following the guidelines above— literally do WHATEVER YOU WANT. NO ONE CARES

I am BEGGING people to learn what cultural appropriation actually is. This is cultural APPRECIATION, not appropriation

ALSO. Because I see this in particular alot: JAPANESE IS NOT A CLOSED CULTURE (afaik). Maybe historically, but not anymore. But again, follow the guidelines above if you wanna use a Japanese name, just like you should with any name from any culture you aren't a part of

it really depends what the people in the culture say i think. just do research and make sure you know the origins of the name

- refusing to form relationships, especially if local, because of the fear that the new person knows or is affiliated with your abuser(s).

- being able to identify exactly what you are feeling, but unable to express the emotion. happy but can’t smile. sad but can’t cry. angry but can’t scream. scared but you’re not shaking.

- letting people hurt you, or hurting yourself, because you enjoy it. not even thinking you deserve it. you genuinely enjoy being hurt, because it’s all you’ve known.

- avoiding certain buildings, rooms, parks, roads, and places because they feel vaguely familiar, but you don’t know why.

- on the contrary, driving straight to those places for the same reason. you don’t know why, but you have a connection to this place, and you have to go.

- always assuming the worst out of loved ones. your partner forgot to text you before they left? they hate you and are plotting how to leave for good. friend gave you a gift? they’re testing your reaction to see if you really like them.

- struggling with hygiene. not because you deserve to not be taken care of, but because you don’t know how to take care of yourself. you don’t know how to brush your teeth. you don’t know how often to change clothes.

- not knowing the difference between good and bad smells. you’re sweaty and people keep looking at you funny? it’s fine, it’s not that strong. someone says your clothes smell dirty? they were cleaned a week ago, so they’re fine.

- finding people who are positive or happy either weird or stupid. i hate that girl, she’s too bubbly. that guy smiles too much. they’re too nice to me, they probably don’t even know what it’s like to suffer.

this isn't an original thought, I know, but clearly people keep forgetting it. dormancy and fusion are not "death" and should not be viewed as such. they're signs of healing. they're signs of recovery.

and why do so many genuine systems fear it or feel the need to censor talk around it? endogenic rhetoric. endos always focus on the alters part of the disorder, so of course they prioritize having alters, and losing that is like losing a loved one to them.

the thing is, in regards to endos, they never had them to begin with. for them, there's nothing to lose.

I understand dormancy can be scary. fusion can feel depressing if you were close to the alter who fused. but ultimately it's a good thing.

alters are not natural. I cannot emphasize this enough. we are not meant to exist. if we were not traumatized as a child, I would not exist. I would not be writing this post.

dormancy and fusion are signs of healing. we need to start treating it as a good thing instead of the scariest thing you've ever heard of.

[IMG ID: but of course, fuck JKR, you can enjoy HP without supporting her END ID.]

genuinely i think the endo community’s weird obsession with programmed systems is this bizarre form of jealousy that like. they think programmed systems are universally validated and accepted for their trauma and mental illness because it’s “bad enough” in a way they feel entitled too. which it isn’t even true, endos get treated better than programming/RAMCOA survivors and CDD systems as a whole because they are not mentally ill or trauma survivors so they have the privilege of being free from that discrimination. they also fail to understand that having “worse” problems makes getting help harder for a number of reasons including doctors literally not knowing what to do with organized abuse survivors. 

i’ve literally heard endos say stuff like “systems with x type of trauma are lucky because people think they’re valid” 🫩

there are a lot of rlly shitty things they frequently say about programmed systems and/or RAMCOA survivors. the most common i’ve seen is using us to try to prove you can be endogenic … because apparently being deliberately tortured by a high control group at a very young age with the goal of training you to behave in a specific way (usually because it makes you easier to further torture) is the same as deciding to make some imaginary friends one day? like they deadass take “my traffickers would intentionally trigger dissociation so they could take advantage of my brian’s coping mechanisms” as proof that you can decide to be a system whenever you want.

for me i was also convinced i was “mixed origin” and “protogenic” by endo systems when i was like 14 because of programmed alter splits & internal handlers programming alters and the fact that my trauma started when i was a baby so “it has been happening for as long as i can remember so i must have been born a system”. for me at the time i was mostly safe from my abusers but i know people who were taught stuff like that while actively being trafficked or in a cult that was taking advantage of the fact they were a system.

they convinced me that my trauma wasn’t bad enough to have DID and that i didn’t have amnesia (i had debilitating amnesia). i was also taught that my system would never act in a way that hurt me and shamed for being a toxic/selfish host when i reacted in unhealthy ways because of programming or like was hostile to internal handlers who think it’s best that we do whatever our abusers want.

this didn’t just happen to me like i said it’s insanely common among other programmed systems i know. polyfragmented DID especially programmed HC-DID presents in unconventional ways and a lot of things common in CDID systems have been appropriated by endos, such as not knowing when or why splits happened, not remembering trauma, having symptoms since a very young age, having lots of alters with a complex inner structure, even having alters that “make alters” which ppl will insist makes you mixed origin but it is not unheard of for alters to represent in system functions that you cannot really control, like an alter representing how your subconscious splits alters by physically cloning them in headspace.

sometimes i genuinely feel like some endos are intentionally grooming young trauma survivors. not all, i don’t want to make such heavy accusations towards the whole endo community even tho i don’t like them because i think the majority are just ignorant and ableist or children being manipulated, but they definitely have a hatred for victims of trafficking, cults, and other organized child abuser groups. generally they do not like PTSD survivors and other mentally ill people which is not surprising considering their origins but it is annoying when they claim to not be ableist or hateful towards victims.

You described perfectly some of my thoughts on endos and how they treat some parts of the CDD community. And i agree. How people treat ramcoa/programmed systems WORSE compared to people who dont even know what a system is is genuinely heartbreaking. All endos do is discredit the disorder when it's hard enough as is getting help or people that believe and support you alone. Thank you for sharing.