Welcome to the Mundane Fantastic

So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

You should absolutely have an eye out for red flags, no matter who you are, no matter what the relationship. And the more intimate the relationship, the more time you spend with that person in private spaces, the more important it is to spot red flags and have an out.

But can we talk about this "gap in your resume" business for a moment? Because this is a societal issue. Being a housewife should not be considered a gap in a resume. If I work as a special education paraprofessional or at a daycare or even as a babysitter, I have may have no more credentials than a housewife, but these are considered "real jobs," despite the fact that they require the same skills. Why is taking care of someone else's children somehow more valid than taking care of my own?

This also goes for cooking and cleaning--a cleaner or a cook in a restaurant (though this second one is changing) may not be credentialed, but they're considered "real jobs." Because cleaning someone else's house is more legitimate than cleaning your own. Because cooking food for someone else's family is more legitimate than cooking for your own.

If we're talking about housewives who find themselves in abusive situations, why are we not advocating for housewives to be able to include these skills on a resume? Would that not make it easier for abused housewives to start lives afresh? Rather than just telling them they made bad life choices and sucks to suck? In fact, the delegitimization of managing a household as viable work experience is the reason some women become housewives--because it contributes to the notion that a woman has to choose between work and family, and they want a family.

if you're a rabbit, the boss rabbit is the one who gets groomed by its subordinate rabbits.

but if you're a cat... the boss cat is the one that grooms the other cats.

Something to consider? ,

And as they talk about it, it’ll become clear that they’re thinking about that label because there’s something in their life that’s uncomfortable, and they can see people with that label NOT doing that thing, and they’re wondering if they have a right to also not do it.

So this is me, giving you permission. Label or not, YOU ARE ALLOWED to:

Stop dating people (of a particular gender or in general)

Start dating people (of a particular gender or in general)

Have less (or no) sex

Have more sex (or with more people)

Get married

Not get married

Plan to never get married

Have a friend more important than people you date or have sex with

Wear skirts

Not wear skirts

Wear make-up

Not wear make-up

Cut your hair

Grow your hair

Try new pronouns

Wear a binder

Use a cane

Use fidget toys

Use noise-cancelling headphones

Take painkillers (or other over-the-counter medication)

Ask for help

Not eat that food

Ask for food alternatives

Not drink alcohol

Avoid that location with the crowds and the noise

You are allowed.

You are allowed to do these things some of the time, or all of the time, or only once.

If they make you feel better in yourself, maybe someday you’ll decide to take on the label that applies to many people who do them. But you don’t NEED a label.

He was like, "nah, I get it. It makes for a better story."