Judeee

what am i even doing here, what am i doing right now

but i'm also unable to move on from these self prophesied well wishes for my future self

you know what...next semester i'm going to finish my essays a week before the intended due date

I CANNOT SUBJECT MYSELF TO THIS MISERY ANY LONGER, i refuse to chain myself down to an instance that could have been entirely preventable

also, my subjects are cool, i enjoy them quite a lot :((

however, it wouldn't hurt to have a nice view in front of me...it's okay, for now i'll just console myself with images of rolling fields and grassy hills

i've never stopped thinking about étant donnés, since the first time i saw it

one of my biggest pet peeves is when people uphold or encourage elitist beliefs, proudly declaring themselves to be a pretentious minded individual, it's horrific; and it's always ten times worse when they get exposed to be fraudulent, in their knowledge of a topic they claim to hold expertise in

you can kind of sniff it out, within two minutes of a conversation, when someone has no idea (or maybe just a heavily biased or misinformed view) of what they're talking about

ANYWAYS, i say all this because i tend to personally struggle with the idea of gate keeping; i'm always treading the line between dismissal, mostly due to exhaustion and frustration, versus being open minded and optimistic towards others gaining access or awareness over a 'space'

if you had ask me to clarify my position a few years ago i would have wholeheartedly decried the practice, but now i sometimes wonder if i should be a bit more reluctant in sharing ideas and resources among all

like take southern gothic, for example, it's almost gone through a process of gentrification — it's been stripped of substance; and it's the most unfortunate fate of all because the good stuff lies in the goo

similarly, you can't have the full experience and emotional effects (you know, i'm still very confused by the difference between affect vs effect...i'm justifying my particular usage here through ex, meaning out, in latin and its nature as a noun) of a genre or form etc without being able, and willing enough, to uptake the more uncomfortable, demanding aspects of said category

however, by drawing attention to writers who 'insist upon themselves and their ideas' (yes, i am referencing that post lol) to signify 'literary value', drawing associations to a sense of cultural superiority, was a revelation that i found to be very useful when editing my own work

the break down was written in a way that was simple, but precise, and grounded in reality

essentially, the original poster expressed their fondness and love for extended metaphors, through a few provided examples of their own; and obviously, they had a few misconstrued conceptions about the nature of prose and where its perceived value lies

i handed in a short review of an article just yesterday for uni and i felt so disappointed, almost lost, when trying to rework my style of expression; both while actively producing the words and later when adapting my third and fourth revisions

(btw is it a faux pas to place 'also' so soon after 'and'?)

however, i think my punctuation and grammar was fine, i've certainly been more strict with my usage of semicolons and commas as of late

(GOD, I WANT TO PUT THOSE BASTARDS EVERYWHERE!!!)

blinking down, he commanded attention with renitence, fury clear in his burning, forbidding fellow voyeurs from straying far