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"I'm gonna come," Eddie warns, and Steve pulls his hair harder, then releases him, sliding down his body smoothly, and wrapping his lips around the head of Eddie's cock.

That's all it takes, and Eddie comes.

Easily. Too easily.

He hasn't said a goddamn word, because he feels like if he does, that it will really be the beginning of the end with Steve.

And he's not ready.

Not yet.

Steve's leg is slung over his. He's fiddling with a die cast figurine he found on Eddie's nightstand. 

"You're coming faster," Steve says, and Eddie hears what he's not saying.

"Yeah," Eddie says, "must finally be getting some sensation back. Took long enough. Fucking bats."

"That's good," Steve says, but it doesn't sound like he thinks it's good.

Steve needs a project. Needs something, or someone, to fix. 

And if Eddie's not broken anymore? Then what? 

"Good job, your magic cock healed me. You should pat yourself on the back for a job well done." 

Steve laughs, but it sounds hollow. And a little sad. 

Steve's scarce. Eddie misses him. 

But Steve doesn't reach out, so Eddie doesn't either. 

He doesn't have a reason. 

His hair doesn't need to be cut, and his cock doesn't need the patience of a saint. 

Eddie hears from Robin that Steve's taking some girl he met to dinner tonight. 

It's fine. Eddie got ten years of friendship with a side of fucking. 

Steve's about to turn thirty. Eddie's sure he wants more out of his life than this slice of fucked up hell Eddie can offer. 

He definitely deserves more. 

The bedroom door creaks open, and Eddie sits up.

Steve's standing there in the doorway, hands clasped in front of him. Rubbing one with the other, like he's soothing himself. Like he isn't sure he should be here, even if he's always welcome. He knows that.

"I just needed to see you."

And Eddie doesn't really have time to decide how he's gonna deal with that, before Steve is on top of him, face buried in Eddie's neck.

His hand finds Eddie's, and he laces their fingers together, squeezing. Holding on for dear life, it seems. 

It feels like it did at first. Steve so desperate to hang onto anything, while Eddie was just the closest life raft. 

Eddie uses his free hand to rub Steve's back. Waiting for the next move, but there doesn't seem to be one. There's no grinding into him, no hard dick at all, just Steve breathing against his skin in warm puffs of air.

Snaking his hand under Steve's t-shirt, Eddie plays with the hair above the waistband of his jeans. It's soft, and his back is warm. Steve sighs, relaxing a little more to Eddie's touch. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Eddie asks.

They don't talk about their situation, but they do talk about everything else. 

Steve can tell him anything. 

Steve shakes his head and Eddie's not gonna make him. Instead, he just shifts, pressing his lips to Steve's rough cheek. His five o'clock shadow is scratchy.

Did he not shave before his date?

Steve sucks in a breath, "I can't. Not tonight."

Eddie pulls back, and slides his hand further up Steve's back.

"I can't be in charge of anything or anyone," Steve murmurs, and Eddie scratches his blunt nails against Steve's warm skin. "Not even you. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to do anything for me," Eddie says, "you can just lay here."

And Steve squeezes his hand harder.

"Can I do anything for you?" Eddie asks, and Steve's breath hitches. He pulls his face away, and looks in Eddie's eyes. Like he's searching. Or asking permission. Eddie doesn't know which. 

Eddie pulls his hand from beneath Steve's shirt, and lightly touches the side of his face, "What do you need?"

Steve closes the distance, and slides his lips along Eddie's. It's soft, chaste, and nothing like what they usually do together.

Eddie kisses him back. 

And they keep it up until Eddie feels flush, beard burn heating up his face. 

He pulls back, chuckling. 

Steve licks his lips, and Eddie smiles at him. 

"I couldn't go tonight. You've broken me." 

Eddie's smile falls, and Steve just squeezes his hand harder. 

"In a good way. I just want you. Any way you'll have me, but preferably for real."

Real. Eddie wants real. 

Steve continues. "It's always felt real, even if you've kept me at arm's length. Even if you have all these rules on how I get to touch you." 

Eddie swallows the lump that's in his throat. 

"Even if you did everything you could to keep me from loving you. It was impossible. But I pretended. Until you still cut me loose." 

Eddie squeezes Steve's hand this time. 

"I didn't mean to cut you loose, I thought you wanted to go."

Steve laughs, but he's not happy, "I've never wanted to go. Even if we're not compatible. Even if I wanna get fucked, at least sometimes. Even if I want to go slow, and soft, and hold your hand, at least sometimes, too."

"You can do all that," Eddie says. 

"I want you to know I love you, and that scares me, because nobody wants me to love them." 

Eddie nods along, "I want you to love me, because I've loved you for years and didn't know how to change what we were."

Steve laughs, this time it's a bright sound. A giggle. 

"I'm gonna tie you up and kiss you all over." 

"Promises, promises," Eddie says, pressing forward, kissing him again.

It's a good place to start.