check out these fabulous boobies I'm hawking

i think you can be 40 and have a coming of age narrative

“There’s nothing heroic about suffering” okay but what if I suffered and I was kinda sexy with it. Like my shorts were a little too short and you could see my ass when I bent over. What then.

when stede left home in the middle of the night and went down to the docks to the revenge there was a man standing on deck with a seagull on his head, and stede was like "and who might you be" and the man was like "nathaniel buttons. the Sea told me ye'll be needin' a first mate" and stede was like, this is probably how recruiting normally works for pirates

Ed: He filled his own house with chintz. What the hell was I supposed to do???

Bro, I know this is rough, but hear me out: you gotta keep it real, man.

potentially courting controversy here but i do not think stede bonnet is a golden retriever boyfriend i think he has corgi energy. he has the golden's friendliness and joy but goldens can be pretty chill in the way largish dogs usually are and stede bonnet is not chill, he combines the UNEXPECTED INTENSITY of a herding breed people regularly mistake for a lap dog with the goofy bearing of a little guy designed to annoy much larger animals by being too short for them to kick