Star Writes

“OW! Shit!”

I jerk my arm away from my hair. My fingers take another tug to pull free from the knots then carefully slip out of my jacket’s sleeve. I pull my arm to cradle it next to me, blood seeping out of the new slice down the length of my forearm. Wera was definitely right about needing to find a solution to the jagged edges of my horn.

With my uninjured arm I pull free a strip of torn fabric away from my belt and quickly wrap up my forearm. I’m supposed to learn healing magic soon. Maybe Wera will give me a lesson when she fixes this.

Stepping up to the edge of the roof lets me see the drop down the hill and into the Burrows. I should head home. It would be the smart thing to do. Curfew is soon- once the shine of the moon is the only light source in the sky amidst the scattered stars, but I don’t want to go back yet. Even if my arm is sore and some of the shadier folks are going to start poking their sleazy heads out of the holes they hide in during the day.

Taking in a big breath I sigh, loud enough that if anyone else were on my rooftop with me they’d hear. I hate being responsible. Getting down how I normally do will be harder… but what’s the fun of giving up and using the stairs. A smirk crosses my face while I size up the flagpole a short jump away from where I’m standing. I don’t really need two arms for it.

A few steps back gives me the running start I need to leap off the edge of the building. For a few short moments I’m weightless before my good arm catches the pole. The inside of my elbow impacts hard into the metal, forcing an exclamation of pain from my lungs. Despite the jarring impact I manage to swing my leg around and catch the pole, much smoother this time, with the back of my knee. My jacket and pants let me slide down easy enough and reach the ground mostly fine.

The most important thing when walking through the Burrows is to make sure everyone knows they shouldn’t fuck with you. Thus… the curfew. Wera says that it’s good to have confidence and walk with it, but until I can fully back it up it doesn’t matter that I’m fifteen. Most of the asshats here will try to take advantage of me for something.

Slinking into my own Burrow doesn’t take long. A warm smell of soup and curing meats greets me. “Wera!” I look up to see my mentor and let the cold facade of street confidence wash away. “I didn’t think you’d be back already.”

“It seems like it’s a good thing I was.” The older dwarven woman chuckles warmly. “It looks like you were going hungry tonight. I thought I left enough for you to have until I got back.”

“Well, technically you did since you’re here today instead of tomorrow.” I counter, shrugging the other side of my jacket off to hang it up at the back of our little shack.

Wera looks like she’s going to make some sort of comeback before she properly looks me over. Her jovial mood and soft smile fizzles away quickly upon seeing my arm and the blood seeping through the wrap I put over it. “What is that?”

I never like it when she pulls out her mom voice. “It’s fine. I just…” I motion to my horn. “I’m still getting used to it is all.”

“I told you we need to do something about that.” She says sternly as she walks over and holds out her hand. I dutifully place my wrist in her hand.

“I wrapped it immediately with the cleanest fabric I have. I would have cleaned it better, but I know how you feel about me using magic without you around.” I try to explain as she unwraps my arm to get a better look at it.

“You did a very good job with what you had.” Wera’s tone softens again. Pride wells in my chest and I can’t help the smile on my face at her words. “And it’s a good thing you didn’t cast anything too. They’re starting to enforce their laws and if you’re even suspected of casting they’ve been locking people up. We need to be careful.”

My pride sours to worry. “People aren’t going to come after us, are they? Everyone around here knows you and what you can do. I don’t trust they wouldn’t turn us in for a quick coin.”

“We’re going to be okay for now.” My mentor smiles softly, hovering her hand over the slice down my arm. “From now on we only cast around those we know won’t turn us in. If they try to catch you, run. You know the Burrows better than them. You can get away.” Wera plucks at the River and hums softly, moving her fingers like she’s strumming a harp. Numbness seeps into my arm around my wound just before the cut seals itself up, leaving only a scar. She turns my arm side to side and pokes at the scar, nodding in satisfaction at her work. “There. Now, clean yourself up while I finish up dinner.”

A nervous hum vibrates under my teeth. “What if they come after you?”

“Then I’ve got friends I can call some favors in for. Don’t worry about me, kiddo.” She waves her hand to dismiss the conversation. “Like I said. Clean up. You know the spell.”

“Okay.” I grumble, anxiety picking at my lungs. I try to ignore it and sit down on the stool at the side of the room. With a deep breath I focus on the space around me, looking for the Flow as it moves around us. Once I find a faint trickle I carefully reach out for it. “I went up to the abandoned warehouse today and sat on the roof for awhile.”

Wera hums an acknowledgment from her place at the pot. “And what did you see?”

“Nothing super interesting. There were a lot of people going about their day. The market is starting to set up now that the worst of the cold is gone. I think that the buskers are going to be out first this year, but that the guard are going to drive them off until the stalls can be properly reset.” I can tell that I’m starting to slowly entice the trickle towards my outstretched hand.

“Didn’t they set up around the buskers last year?” Wera asks, easily wrapping a finger around a tendril of the Flow and putting out the smokeless fire in the center of the shack. The ripple I’m reaching for wavers, but doesn’t leave.

“Well, yeah. But everyone complained. The sellers said that they had to set up further apart which meant they couldn’t co-sell anything with anyone. The buskers said that the stalls were put too close to where they were performing and didn’t have enough space. And anyone walking around were saying that it was too spread out and they had to walk too far. I think they tried it because the buskers have been complaining about how the market is too cramped for them to properly do their stuff anymore despite the fact that there have been some areas scattered throughout for space for them.” The ripple gets close enough for me to slowly wrap my hand around and feel as magic floods into my arm. Next step…

“As for me, I wasn’t a fan of everything being so far apart. It spread everyone out which made it really hard to swipe anything. It was easier to see when someone dropped any coins, but the extra visibility made it so that it was really hard to actually get to it before someone else did.” I take a deep breath and take in the last of the magic I can from the ripple. I feel the low rasp in my voice as I speak in Infernal. “Clean up.”

Starting from the hand I reached out with- the one Wera just healed- all the dirt and grime and blood fleck away, leaving my gray skin spotless. I feel my face relax from my focus to a big grin. “I did it!” My tail lashes excitedly behind me.

Wera’s expression matches what I assume mine is. “Well done kiddo.” She takes the four steps to cross the room with a bowl in one hand and ruffles my hair with her other. “That was very well done.”

I bat her hand away from my head. “That mess is bad enough without you making it worse.” I can’t keep the laugh from my voice.

“Want me to help you with that?” Wera holds out the bowl towards me.

I nod. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Of course.” Wera chuckles and steps behind me, pulling out a comb from her side pouch as she does so to start pulling it gently through my hair. “I’m going to braid it like my beard until we can figure out a better way to take care of it, okay?”

“Okay.” I finally slouch a little and let my shoulders drop. “Will you tell me a story?”

The day of the festival arrived and Cal finds themself wishing they could see their reflection. Instead, they do their best to make sure their outfit for the evening is on nicely. Running their hands on their sides the vampire feels the structure of their corset laying in the correct places. Their custom fit men’s dress pants accommodate for the distribution from the corset. Overtop of the undergarment and the waist of the pants is a nicely fitted blouse and women’s jacket with slightly peaked shoulders. a lower collar and fine embroidery. After finally deeming themself prepared Cal grabs their cane, making sure the handle is locked securely, and walks to the foyer to meet with Lark.

Lark isn’t down quite yet, so Cal leans against the wall and fidgets with the top button of their jacket. This might be overdressed, but it’s one of their more casual outfits. Was the invitation just a courtesy and they won’t actually want them there? That kid didn’t really want to come up to the door. This seemed like a good idea to get to know Lark better, but maybe it was dumb.

A minute or two later Lark comes down the stairs in a sleek evening dress. It looks as though she’s only wearing one petticoat under it, but her top shapes her as lovely as the garments are made to. Overtop it all she wears a smooth velvet caplet. Cal nods respectfully and opens the door for her, waiting for her to have enough space to step out before following. Before Cal can properly catch up to Lark she’s already stepping down the stairs, causing them to walk quickly to be by her side as they start towards the waiting carriage at the end of the path. The vampire tries to offer their arm out to Lark, but she ignores it and another few steps in they give up. This was a bad idea. She’s going to hate it. After all, the two barely know each other and Cal has invited her almost immediately out to a public event.

It’s too late to go back now. Winston has opened the door to the carriage and holds out a hand for Lark to enter. She raises a leg up and almost steps on her skirts before yanking them out of the way to step in. Cal gives Winston a nod, trying to keep their face neutral as they take the first step into the fine vehicle.

“Are you alright, my lord?” Winston asks as Cal passes.

Cal pauses, placing one foot back on the ground as to not tip the carriage too far to the side. “Just fine, Winston, thank you for asking.”

“Of course, my lord.” Winston gives a half bow as Cal steps into the carriage. The door closes behind them and a few moments later after a jostle from the front of the vehicle. Winston can be heard urging on the horses and the carriage gently lurks forward.

The carriage ride passes in awkward silence. Each time Cal tries to get up the courage to ask a question or try to start a conversation they falter. This was a mistake. Cal tries to keep themself from bouncing their leg, so they push back the curtain and focus on outside. The familiar landscape of the roads beyond their estate gently passes by. A glint of eyes catches their attention just before exiting out of the treeline to enter the town. Cal frowns, sitting back in their seat and closing the window curtain.

Cal looks back at Lark who seems to be tracing every seam of their carriage with her eyes. She’s secured her hair into a braid and has it resting over her shoulder. A silver dragonfly pin rests on top of the tie of the braid catches Cal’s eye and they realize that the designs around the neckline of Lark’s dress matches the design on the wings.

Just as Cal goes to make comment on the design choice the carriage jerks to a stop, causing Cal to slide to the end of their seat before they can stop themself. Lark gives them a curious look, but the vampire is just as confused as she is.

“Just trying to get to town for the festival.” Winston’s voice calls clearly from the driver’s seat. Cal frowns and closes their eyes to focus on listening for the response.

“-have to pay the toll to get through.” An unknown man calls out from further down the road.

“There is no toll to pass through this part of the road. I travel it quite frequently and there has been no addition to payments here.” Winston answers back. As he does the carriage shifts slightly, probably from the horses. Cal ignores it and focuses on the conversation. Winston will keep the horses steady.

“There is now. Call it insurance of safe passage. If you’re going to the festival you must have some coin. Based on that ride I doubt you’d miss it.” The stranger sneers back.

“My lord is not inclined to give our coin to bullies.” Winston’s voice keeps calm and Cal smirks. “We will be just fine without your insurance.”

The man scoffs, but before he can speak Cal raises their voice from their seat. “Everything alright out there, Winston? Do you need my assistance?” They lean under their seat and grab their cane that had been stopped from sliding by their foot.

“Only if you feel the need to stretch your legs, my lord. There are only four of them.” Winston responds.

“The fuck are you on about?” Cal opens their eyes as the stranger yells at them and looks up to Lark.

“Apologies for this delay. If you’ll pardon me for a moment.” The vampire opens the door and steps out of the carriage. They hear a quite hum from Lark, but focus more on an intimidating entrance for these bandits than leaving her behind.

Walking forward, Cal makes sure their cane makes a distinct tap in their walking rhythm as they approach the drivers seat. They pause and look to Winston, ignoring the expletives from the strangers down the road. “No need to get up Winston. I’ll handle these ruffians. Please make sure our ride stays comfortable for our guest.”

“Very well, my lord.” Winston takes the reigns in his hands again and pushes a scabbard back under his seat.

The stranger continues to shout down the road, “Oh the great lord deciding the muddy their boots. We should be honored boys. If they don’t want to pay up we can just take it off their corpse.”

Cal sighs and stops walking halfway between the carriage and bandits. “This is your one warning to let us pass.” They say calmly, only raising their voice enough to be heard.

“HA!” The stranger in front of them, a larger man with muscle that looks built for show, looks to his companions spread across the road. They display similar physiques to their leader, if a little smaller. “Our warning? Please. What’s a pitiful noble like you going to do? Pay us or die.” He spits on the ground in front of him.

Cal sighs. “I did warn them, Winston.” They look back to their butler. “You did hear that I warned them?”

“That I did, my lord.”

“Very good.” The vampire nods. They breathe out and in an instant are in front of the thugs blocking the roads. Without even unlocking the blade hidden in their cane they slam the handle hard into the leader’s gut before he can finish his thought that Cal is sure contains more expletives.

His goons all turn towards Cal with blades drawn, but once again before they can do anything Cal is moving faster than they can process. They crack one goon on the side of his head, taking the risk to turn their back to the other two. They both swing towards the vampire, but Cal jumps over the now crumpled body of the first goon to avoid the two swipes. They finally pull their blade from its disguised scabbard and block two more strikes. Before the two, still conscious, goons can follow up again Cal is behind them. They slam the grip of their sword into the back of one of their heads and follows it up with an elbow to the other.

With all four thugs crumpled on the ground Cal puts their blade away and listens to it click locked. They roll their shoulders back before looking towards the carriage again. “Let me take care of these bodies and we can be on our way Winston.”

A few minutes later Cal walks back to the carriage. “They shouldn’t recall what’s happened here. Let’s continue on, Winston.” The vampire instructs as they re-enter the carriage.

“How exciting.” Lark comments when Cal sits back down.

With a click of his tongue Winston urges the horses forward again.

All of Cal’s anxieties return. Before responding they set their cane back under the seat. “We don’t usually get brigands on this road, but I must assume the more frequent travel on this road made some assume they could get something they haven’t worked for. It shouldn’t be a problem for the rest of the night.”

“I can tell.” Lark leans forward and with her thumb wipes something off of Cal’s cheek. She looks at the blood she took off their cheek before rubbing her thumb and pointer finger together. Dried leaves crumble out of her fingers and when she looks at her thumb again the blood is gone. “Did you get a meal out of any of them?”

It takes a moment for Cal to feel like they can breathe again and are grateful that she gives them time to put thoughts together again. “Ah, no. It didn’t seem like the correct time.”

This was a bad idea. They should have just said that Lark couldn’t have made it. First their jacket is somehow sort of fae repellent maybe, they’re not really sure how it works but she wasn’t comfortable taking their arm initially. Cal only comes here for the bare minimum they need to anyways, what enjoyment could she get from the night? Does she even like crowds or parties? Cal knows that fae are typically social, but what does that-

“I know breathing isn’t technically a requirement for vampires, but you seemed to have stopped when you usually make the effort.” Lark’s voice is soft enough that only Cal’s heightened hearing can pick her up. “Are you alright?”

Cal takes a breath in and pauses before they can see the decent of the stairs at the end of the hallway. The shadows of the entry hallway gives some relief before the bright lights of the ballroom. “I’ll be alright. I’m just not a crowd kind of person and I don’t attend many functions so people will want to talk to me and learn about you and keep me here longer than usual and it’s going to be a long night I should have stayed home but that would have been worse but they’re all down there,” Cal takes a step back, breathing stopped again. They press their tongue against a fang, pushing against the sharp point at the same time they try to take another step back. This time, however, they get caught by Lark’s arm still being hooked into their own.

The fae twists to look at Cal, sliding her elbow out of theirs to have a hand on their. “Hey. Focus on me. Breathe.” She holds Cal’s gaze until they take a breath again. “You’ve done this before. You can do it again. Do whatever it is you normally do. If they want to know about me then I’ll talk to them.” Cal focuses on pulling air into their diaphragm and pushing it out, doing their best to focus on Lark’s words. She’ll do the talking. Cal can keep to the sides like they usually do.

“Okay.” Cal tightens their grip on the cane in their hand and places it comfortably next to themself again. One big breath in and out. “Just like any other sanity check ball.” They brush their thumb against the lock mechanism at the base of the cane head before stepping up next to Lark again and presenting their arm. Cal runs their tongue over their fangs and continues forward towards the properly lit room.

Once they get to the top of the stairs Cal stops, Lark gently slowing next to them. Winston steps from the dark alcove next to the grand staircase and gives a small nod to his employer before stifly turning to the room. "Lord Callow Carnifax and Lady Lark Silverwing.” The butler announces before stepping back into the shadows.

Cal feels frozen staring down the stairs to the crowd, but a light tug on their arm gets them moving again, though they can feel the stiff movement of their legs. Come on, this isn’t anything new. Cal isn’t quite sure how they made it down the stairs without falling over, but Lark smoothly moves the both of them away from the center of attention as soon as she can. She leads them to the side of the staircase and as soon as some of the harsh light is blocked Cal starts to feel slightly better.

“You didn’t seem thrilled about coming, but I didn’t realize you hated parties this much.” Lark smooths out the wrinkle in her skirt from where she held it to descend. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. My apologies.” Cal breathes out, the intention of the motion steadying themself. “I got stunned by how bright they made it in here.” They take a moment to properly observe their surroundings. The food table lines the wall twenty feet away from them. Supports for a balcony create a visual barrier between them and the tables. It’s likely there’s one on the other side as well. The room itself is open for guests to dance and mingle in a large center space. Soft music fills the room and with some focus Cal can pinpoint it on the other side of the staircase, likely set up in the mirrored alcove. “I’m alright now.” They focus back on their date’s face.

"It was a bit of a shock entering, there’s no need for any apologies.” Lark takes a step away, scanning across the room. “We do seem to be catching some attention. Would you like me to divert it from you?” She steps in front of Cal and blocks their view of the main floor.

With the only thing in their view pretty much just Lark the vampire focuses on her and nods. “Yeah. That would be nice. If you wouldn’t mind.”

A soft, pleasant smile sets itself on Lark’s face as she gently squeezes Cal’s hand. “Do what you need to and I’ll meet you back here to check in soon.” She gently lets go of their hand and glides out to the grand floor of this hall, gracefully flitting between conversations like this is what she was made for. Cal supposes its possible that it was.

In an effort to avoid some of the overwhelming light pressing down from above Cal moves beneath the overhang and leans on a pillar, a soft exhale pushed from their chest now that they have found the comfort of the shade cast over the area. As they find their peace, Cal watches Lark float through the ballroom. She slides past conversations, listening as she goes and occasionally finds an entrance into one. She’s so elegant. Each movement had power and grace and the ballroom looks like she was made to traverse it.

Cal doesn’t know how long they watch Lark flow through the crowd of people, introducing herself and leaving conversations graciously, movement like a dance without needing a partner. Eventually. she curtsies and separates herself from a conversation and turns back to Cal. They quickly move to grab a glass of blood to try to act as though they haven’t been staring this whole time.

“Enjoy the show?” Lark’s soft chuckle causes Cal’s ear to twitch towards her.

Had the blood be there it would be flushing their cheeks. Instead, they turn and take a sip from their new glass. “You certainly seem to know what you’re doing.”

“It’s an interesting group of people. I cannot wait to get to know them more.” Lark takes a step past Cal to pick up a small plate from the table and gingerly place some fruits and cheeses onto it. Cal isn’t sure what the tone in her voice means, though from what they understand of her origins they feel like they might want to be concerned? “How often do you have gatherings like this?”

“This specific one is once a year to make sure the Council can keep track of us all. Others have smaller gatherings throughout the year, but I don’t usually attend.” Cal takes another sweeping glance around the room, tracking if anyone has brought someone new now that some food has focused their perception.

“Interesting. Well, it’s certainly a good party and your music is lovely here too. I can understand why you may not enjoy it though being so solitary as you are.” Lark settles into standing next to Cal and snacks on her plate, letting Cal take the time to compile their thoughts.

“Oh, yes. Well, I’m glad you seem to be enjoying it despite your initial discomfort with our styles.” Cal glances over to Lark. She had her protests, but she looked lovely.

“It’s not the worst I suppose. I think the final test of my opinion is how well I can dance in it.” Lark comments as she finishes the last strawberry on her plate. Cal nearly chokes on their drink, but manages to swallow the blood down.

“Oh. Yes. Um, okay.” Cal turns to place their glass down before returning their attention to Lark and holding out an arm. “Would you join me to the dance floor?”

What do you do when you stand in front of someone knowing it’s the last time you’re going to see them? Goodbye doesn’t really cut it, does it? A single goodbye cannot contain the amount of love that fills the time we spent together. And yet, here I am standing in front of you trying to find the words.

No. That’s not right. I have the words.

I’ll always remember you. You have make every day I’ve seen you better. I love you so much it feels like my heart can’t hold it all. You’ve changed me for the better. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. The light you brought to my life will burn in me forever. You’ve taught me so much.

Why can’t I tell you?

It all gets jumbled and sticks to my tongue, hot and thick like wax molding into my throat.

I’m being pulled away. I’m going to go so far and I’m never going to see you again and I can’t push past invisible net holding everything inside my mouth. Reaching out you get further and further away. The longer I wait the less I have to say and I’m just watching you drift away. Further and further you go. Tears blur my vision, pushing out all the frustration of not being able to speak.

How do I say it now that you’re gone?

I reach out, but it’s too late. You’re gone. The words still heavy on my tongue. They fade away now. Not gone. Always sitting just at the back of my throat. They’ll sit there forever. Every time I swallow they’re passed over.

Instead, I hold you tight. I’ll bury you away to the safest parts of my heart to keep the memory of you away from harm. As if that makes up for the words that you never heard.

Can it make up for what I could never say?

You know the answer to that.

It has to. It has to…

Of course it’s enough.

Every step is heavy, breathing haggard with the weight closing vocal chords together, but I still keep moving. I have to keep moving forward because what else is there?

I meet others. Love others. But I feel broken. How can I ever let them in when I failed you? I am doomed to fail them too.

But if it’s enough then you did not fail.

It was enough.

Then why do you hold yourself back.

I don’t. I’m moving on. I said goodbye.

But did I?

And yet I still hold people away. What am I so afraid of? I speak beyond the cobwebs. You’re tucked away so deep that even I cannot touch you. When did that happen? Is that what I wanted? You’re safe. That means you’re safe. It means I never have to say goodbye. It means. I don’t know what it means. It was supposed to keep you safe.

You’re safe… right?

Within memory. That’s all you have left. That means that’s all that matters.

Is it though?

You tell me.