✨Star._.Bot✨

I’m sorry for the serious post on this au blog but I feel I have nowhere else to put this and I have to get it out as tonight the feelings are particularly intense. Basically this is me me screaming into the void.

I know this may make me seem delusional or something in a similar vein but I genuinely don’t know who to talk to about this as I’ve never met anyone who feels the same way. That being said, this post is not roleplay or satire or anything of the sort , I am being 100% serious.

I hate my body. I don’t hate the way it looks, I just hate the body itself. I’ve been drawn to animatronics/mechs and any media including them since I can remember because although I know it’s not normal I yearn deeply to be mechanical. I hate the way my flesh feels, how squandered my potential is and how many limitations are placed on me simply due to having an organic body. I long to feel a smooth and sturdy frame instead of this human skin, wires and metal structures that can be fixed and changed at will to suit the task and maximise my efficiency. I feel nothing but resentment for the limitations and the inevitable deterioration of my human body that rips the control of my own mortality away from me.

Normally I can push those thoughts away but tonight it feels suffocating. Everything about me is wrong , it all feels wrong , foreign , like my body isn’t mine , it’s consuming my mind and eating away at my thoughts, my entire body disgusts me and I want to break out of it and put my consciousness, everything I am into the perfect machine I feel I am meant to be but I can’t! That technology simply does not exist yet and the feeling is agonising.

During the weeks/days leading up to emergence the carrier experiences clear behavioural changes as their frame prepares itself for the process.

The most noticeable signs include:

1)Nesting

While nesting is a common practice for flight frames in general (even those who are not carrying), carriers soon-to-be in emergence tend to become very fussy and nit-picky over the state of their nests. They will spend noticeably more time rearranging it and making sure it is perfect than usual, tending to get quite irritated if the nest is not up to their standards.

2)Excessive Recharge

A few days to a week before emergence the carrier will spend drastically more time in recharge. They do this in order to conserve the large amount of energy they will need for this long and exhausting process. During this time they will spend as little time out of recharge as possible.

3)Clinginess

Even though at this stage the carrier spends more time in recharge than awake, they still seek out plenty of attention and affection. The desire for the sires presence is almost constant as at this stage they are at their most vulnerable and crave the feelings of comfort and safety their lovers provide.