Good Gainers

‘Might have ate all the pies?’ That’s the kind of pathetic, soft-boiled modesty people use when they’re trying to pretend their decline is a ‘choice’ rather than a collapse. Let’s be real, chubbs, you didn’t just 'eat the pies', you surrendered to them. You didn’t transition from an athlete to a guy who enjoys food, you underwent a total structural failure. You used to be a temple, and now you’re just a condemned storage unit for processed carbs and regret. Looking at you now, it’s not even a glow-down, it’s an erasure. You’ve managed to bury every single trait that made you impressive under a layer of soft, doughy failure. That double chin isn’t a feature, it’s a soft pillow for the ego you clearly still have. The most brutal part? You’re still talking like a 'hunky jock' in your head, but the only thing 'hunky' about you now is the sound the floorboards make when you walk across the room, fatty.