Staidwaters

Ignore the hokey-sounding title. It is epic, and adorable, and and absolutely everything I want out of a show. It has a wonderful bromance/political intrigue story that will rip your heart out, and it is so amazingly done. Gorgeous cinematography, great action scenes, excellent music - I went out and bought the soundtrack immediately- an intricately laid out plot with fascinating, unique and all too relatable characters...

It gets dark, but not in a way that made me not want to watch it. There is a lot of blood and betrayal- but the leads are pure hearted and determined to be good. They may have to compromise their morals to protect the people they love, but they never let it make them become twisted. (They weren't who they had been, but the growth wasn't in a bad direction, in the end.). I guess it made me feel sorry for the leads, but it didn't give me that icky, disgusted feeling that usually goes with shows labled "dark." But you might not want to watch it if you are feeling down.

This is a perfect time to read the brilliant and unforgettable graphic novel(s) Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, about growing up in Iran during and after the Iranian Revolution, and the rise of the oppressive theocracy that persists to this day.

Both graphic novels are available free online (Persepolis vol. 1, Persepolis vol. 2)

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

And relatable. honestly, make-believe really does work for exercize. I used to pretend I was the only one who could stop a disaster but to do so I had to outrun the evil and get a secret weapon to the hero so they could defend us.