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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@squirtleusedbubble

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john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be
he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen
the bar is at the earth’s core
literally fuck you to hell tumblr
This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while
John Mulaney’s entire thing about his wife (and when she was his girlfriend) is about undoing the toxic horseshit that male comedians have done in talking shit about their wives for so fucking long. When he first mentions her, he says about his Jewish girlfriend “this is gonna get playfully antisemitic,” except it doesn’t [note: I am not Jewish, and I am aware that shades my perceptions]. He talks about how she’s forthright and helps him be better at standing up for himself because he’s really fucking bad at confrontation and she is very good at pointing out that he shouldn’t have to wait an hour for food at a restaurant or be stranded at an airport. The parts of her nature that would be derided for being “so Jewish” by other comedians are some of the reasons John loves her. She doesn’t take shit, and he realizes that he doesn’t have to.
When he mentions her in the latest special, he mentions the conversation quoted above before he dives in. HE IS AWARE HOW LOW THE BAR IS. And what are his stories? There’s no nagging wife. There’s no stories of her not getting how manly he is. The jokes are about what a fucking dork he is and how her responses are in line with WHAT A FUCKING DORK HE IS. He ADORES her because she doesn’t give a fuck, and he is aware he gives entirely too many fucks.
And when he finally DOES tell a story about her messing something up, it’s a hilarious misunderstanding about the Last Supper that John finds fucking hilarious because he was raised Catholic, so the Last Supper is a BIG DEAL, and she’s Jewish, so it wasn’t on her radar. The story is hilarious because it’s about a very cute and funny misunderstanding based on different backgrounds. It’s not about “finally” one-upping that bitch he married. It’s about being DELIGHTED to find out that bitch he likes so much has a fucking hilarious take on the Last Supper.
Bring me WAY MORE male comedians like John Mulaney, and this bitch will be happy.
Plus, if you compare his recent versus early shows, you can watch him come to awareness about the toxic masculinity and other issues inherent in old-school standup and grow as a comedian into someone much funnier at the same time. Kudos.
amazing

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I let my kids name my Harry Potter character “Curse Baby”, and now I feel like I’m in a very uncomfortable relationship with Snape…
yike, the greek goddess of passive distress and mild horror

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so no-one told you life was gonna be this way *dun dun*
this is gay culture
this reads like a lost shakespeare play
me: *summons a demon*
demon: FOR WHAT PURPOSE DID YOU SUMMON THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE VOKULE?
me: girls night?
demon: OH FUCK YEAH GIRLS NIGHT!
no offense but if u just straight up drink milk then I will never listen to a word u say to me

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Friends, Romans, countrymen
i come to top caesar, not to bottom him
do u ever just wonder how another person’s brain works