oh, my costis. oh, my friend.

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

the prawn bomb exploded into shrimpnel

a lot of people were krilled

crazy how no matter what undercover police wear they manage to look like theyve never worn clothes before. like how are you bad at wearing a tshirt

all hr departments should be destroyed, i am trying to fill out this work reference form for someone and one of the questions is "does this individual value excellence and integrity?" what the hell does that question even mean? me personally, i value sucking shit and telling lies, i value incompetence and perfidy, someone spills a liter of saline on the floor and then says "the floor has always been wet, i didn't do that" and i say "thanks, man, i value that"

i think amber heard shouldve beat him up more

It's crazy that I used to live without the saluting emoji

the word 'swim' is doing a lot of heavy work here

Not half as much as the audio is