spys ass could not be flatter if you tried

Soldier: got two rocket launchers, tied a rocket to each tit, and let ‘em rip

Demoman: did that sick ass move he does with the eyelander and sliced those puppies clean off in one swing

Scout: unfortunate foul ball accident at a Red Sox game that saw a 112mph fastball take them clean off while he was in the stands eating a hotdog

Pyro: sometimes they’re there, sometimes they’re not, just don’t worry about it too much and STOP FUCKING UNZIPPING AND REZIPPING THEIR SUIT

Spy: went to a clinic in Switzerland and spent his recovery time in the Alps in a fancy cabin with scout’s mother

Medic: did his own, decided he wanted them, gave himself new ones, decided he didn’t want them, did his own, decided he wanted them, gave himself new ones, deci

Heavy: never did his, man’s got his Big Naturals au naturel

Sniper: The Koala Incident

Engineer: swapped his for mechanical tatas with turret nipples, regularly torments spy by making him look at them, HAS shot scout in the ass with them

Bonus

Hale: there isn’t a man or machine on this planet that can take his rack save for himself, and he refuses to do it on the basis that they’re good for Mann Co. Advertising

Literally their entire relationship

they are all those rats whose tails have tied around each other and now move in a hateful rat monolith, squeaking slurs and expletives in their rat tongue.

[TF2] Strike a Pose!