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yourfriend5 are those jeans for me??

⤷ yourusername of course baby 😘

⤷ beckettsennecke_ 🤨 🤨 🤨

⤷ yourfriend5 sorry sennecke we're running away together

🔒 yourusername posted to their story

liked by samdickinson4, beckettsennecke_, and 27 others

A VIDEO POSTED ON YOUR TIKTOK

[start video]

L/N: “Hello everyone I’m Y/N L/N, a student with the Dodge Film School at Chapman and a media intern with the Anaheim Ducks, but you can call me Shotzy! I’ll be giving you a day in the life of a full time college student and what I do on a game day!

There are a few clips of your day: the sun over the film school building, the bustle of Old Towne Orange during the mid-day, and the crowd at the Honda Center during the game. Overlayed is “Day in My Life” in typewriter font with the sound of typing in the background.

L/N: “I start my day with a 9 am Spanish class to fulfill my last few required GenEds, but not before I have breakfast and my homemade iced chai. Then I meet up with friends at the library and go over notes for our Audio Techniques class, while also reading through emails from my supervisor with the Ducks to know what equipment I have to bring.”

A montage of you making breakfast, walking to class, taking notes, and scrolling through email fills the screen as you speak.

L/N: “Then we set off to our 11:30 am Audio Techniques class. My friend doesn’t like the class so it’s a struggle to get them in the building, but alas 12:45 hits and we’re out and heading to get lunch in Old Towne Orange. A splurge for the week since I know that today is gonna be a long one for me.”

You show clips of your friend dragging their feet on the ground as you walk to class, and their boredom during class. You transition to the walk to Old Towne Orange, and do an aesthetic video of your lunch.

L/N: “After lunch I say goodbye to my friend and head off to my 2:30 Intro to Television Production Lab and Lecture and final class of the day. It was a lecture day in class so I didn’t have to worry too much about getting everything right, and I may or may not have started planning my media questions for the game later today.”

You have sped up videos of you taking notes and responding to emails in your class.

L/N: “At 4 pm it’s time to head to the Honda Center for the game. I head back to my apartment to change into more work-appropriate clothing, pack my camera bag, and grab my dinner on the way out. The drive is pretty quick and once I get to the arena I give my questions to my supervisor, who gives me a ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ on which ones will pull the most engagement. Then I eat a quick dinner and help the videographer set up walk-in videos. Once the first player arrives it’s officially go time.”

You have some fun transition edits of you changing your school day outfit into your work attire, and then footage of you driving. There are clips of the media team waving at your camera, and you setting up your filming setup. The video turns into a selfie video of you.

L/N: “The first Duck has just walked into the arena so I’ll see how much content I can get while I’m working. They have me running around like a worker bee normally so I’ll let future me continue talking.”

There’s a few clips of players being filmed walking in, and waving at your camera. The real audio comes back when you get a video of Lukas Dostal walking past your camera.

DOSTAL: “This is for TikTok?”

L/N: “Yeah mine. Say hi to my followers.”

DOSTAL: “Hello!”

A few more players pass, some smiling or acknowledging your own camera, and others walking past which you slow down to make look like model shots. Beckett passes your video and you stop the slow-mo glamor shots and bring the real audio in.

SENNECKE: “They’re letting you film your own TikTok’s while on the clock?”

L/N: “Yes, now smile and look pretty Sennecke my fans will love this.”

SENNECKE: “What fans, Shotzy?”

L/N: “All 10 of them.”

SENNECKE: “Well two of those have to be your parents so that’s biased already.”

L/N: “No bigger fans than your parents.”

The clip transitions to a few shots of the crowd, the applause and cheering audible. There’s a montage of you taking videos of the Ducks entrance onto the ice.

L/N: “Back with voiceover Shotzy, I usually do videography during the games, I work with the head videographer and we get action shots and quality game footage to post on the socials. We get the footage from the game, between periods of fan contests and overall morale at the game. Luckily the boys got us a win so we can grab footage for the post game celly.”

You show video of the crowd, and you with your camera during the game before ending the section with the team hug that happened at the end of the game.

L/N: “While the players are in media, I send over the last bits of footage to the editing and socials team so they can get it up quickly for the fans, like you, to watch. Then I pack up my stuff and head out of the arena for the night. I’ll be back for the next game day in two days, before the head off on a roadie and I have to stay here for college.”

There’s clips of you sending over footage on your laptop, then packing up your stuff and heading to your car. You use the videos you have of your driving home to transition you back to your apartment.

L/N: “Final stretch of the day. I get back to my apartment and change into comfy clothes, before settling down to work on some homework. It’s already pretty late so I won’t end up doing too much. My boyfriend came over and ended up heading to bed before I did so I did not film the rest of my getting unready. He sleeps like the dead so I could have but I was getting lazy.”

You set up your camera in the kitchen and it has timelapsed footage of you working on your laptop at the counter. A figure wearing a hoodie and sweatpants passes behind you a few times but his face is out of view of the camera.

L/N: “Anyways thank you so much for following along with my day as a full time student and part time intern! I’ll see you next time!”

The last shot is of you powering off your laptop and then flicking off the lights in the kitchen so the whole phone screen goes dark.

[end video]

COMMENTS ON THE TIKTOK

user1

This is the kinda content I want to see!

5h Reply

View 6 replies ⌄

user2

I love this behind the scenes content! Plz do more!

5h Reply

View 8 replies v

user3

umm did y’all see the way Beckett was looking at her 👀👀

4h Reply

⤷ user4

I did….would it be bad to say I ship????

4h Reply

⤷ user3

No I agree, they’d be really cute together

3h Reply

⤷ user5

Guys she literally has a boyfriend so let’s maybe not

2h Reply

View 3 comments ⌄

🔒yourusername

ain’t shit • doja cat

liked by yourfriend5, samdickinson4, and 219 others

yourusername boyfriend appreciation post

view all 23 comments

beckettsennecke_ boyfriend appreciation my ass

⤷ yourusername I appreciate you very much baby

⤷ beckettsennecke_ then where are my good photos?

⤷ yourusername 😶😶😶

yourfriend1 MOG ON HIM QUEEN

yourfriend2 don’t ruin your feed

⤷ yourusername dw i put the cutesy pics first 🥰

yourfriend3 YOU LOOK GORGEOUS…and he’s there too!

⤷ beckettsennecke_ do any of your friends like me?

⤷ yourusername of course!

⤷ beckettsennecke_ doesn’t feel like it

⤷ yourfriend4 don’t even worry Beckett we like you plenty

⤷ beckettsennecke_ I feel threatened rn

⤷ yourfriend5 good ☺️

you found out pretty early on in your life that the average little girl doesn't wish she could disappear from the earth forever everytime someone scolds her, just to make them feel bad and let the memory of her haunt them. the average little girl isn't left speechless everytime she receives an act of kindness, saying she hasn't done anything to deserve it.

when your first relationships came around, much later than they had for every girl your age you knew, you came to the harsh realization that maybe that wasn't what you were made for. you weren't someone who could be loved endlessly, you weren't someone that people craved to be around, someone who's company your loved ones cherished.

your first boyfriend, back in high school, dared to say the words 'i love you', and you still remembered clear as day the feeling of absolute void that the organs in your ribcage sank into. he didn't love you, he couldn't. he was lying, and liars didn't have a place in your life. the two of you never hung out again after that day.

the next handful of guys that had approached you afterwards were equally as untruthful, saying you were the most beautiful girl ever, saying your mind was brilliant, saying they'd die to get a date with you. lies, lies, more lies.

you weren't someone that people could ever want to pursue romantically, because the love you had to give would never be enough. because you would never be enough. why give your entire heart to someone that would just leave you at the realization that the world is filled with girls who are prettier, nicer, more easygoing?

that was not you. you were that gloomy presence that lingered too long in a room and made the fun atmosphere die down. flowers died in your wake, you brought destruction everywhere you stood. of course, that was your own perception of yourself, and it hardly ever matched what others thought of you.

you were objectively a trusted presence, always there listening and trying your best to give everyone a good piece of advice, but when it came to you, you closed up and shielded away your feelings from everyone. you were stoic, but far too much for your own good.

the life you’d learnt to live, with a tight circle and no romance whatsoever, was working out perfectly for you. after all, you never had to worry about feeling like you owed your partner something for simply bearing the burden that was your presence.

it was working, but that didn’t mean you didn’t lie awake in bed at ungodly hours at night, wondering what the fuck was wrong with you and why you couldn’t let yourself be in love.

that, until you met will.

the night your eyes met those blue irises that changed your life forever was a blur, bar hopping with your group as you passed around spliffs and different signature drinks to try. it was in a cozy, half-empty pub downtown, with wooden walls and yellow dim lights, that your gaze inevitably fell on him.

you had no clue whether it was the weed, the alcohol, or a fever dream, but you couldn’t stop stealing brief glimpses of that guy. you were entranced by those blond curls falling softly over his forehead, by the way his sleeves were rolled around his arms, by those wholehearted, wide smiles that he showed off to the people he was sitting with.

and, for once, your mind was at ease about your emotions. those same emotions that you usually felt so deeply that they nearly consumed you, leaving you isolating yourself from anything that you thought was slipping out of control. that night, you didn’t have control, and it felt fucking amazing.

before you could overthink it, your legs moved faster than your brain as you stood up from the wooden bench and approached him. you’d waited just enough for him to get up and reach the bar, probably getting another drink.

“hey.”

“hi there.” he replied, seemingly even more enthusiastic than you. that bright smile was now directed towards you, and your insides nearly melted at the sight.

he was so easy to look at, and even easier to talk to. in about half an hour, you returned to your seat, surrounded by your friends, with his contact in your phone and the promise of a text to set up a proper date.

text that, when you woke up the following morning, wasn’t there.

you’d let the buzz get to you, but with the newfound clarity that the early hours brought, you couldn’t help but wonder how you could’ve been so stupid, so foolish to think it could’ve worked out. nothing ever did, not with you, and maybe you deserved it.

you went on with your day as usual, not leaving behind the same old self-deprecating nonsense that swam around your head and refrained you from enjoying anything ever. then, at three pm, your phone buzzed.

you’d be lying if you said your hands didn’t almost drop it as you rushed to check where the notification was from, and you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t skip a beat as your eyes read ‘will (bar guy)’ when the screen lit up.

‘morning! you busy tonight, let’s say, around 7? ;)’

your hesitation was replaced by pure delight, your lips curved into a soft smile and you chuckled at yourself for always being so damn catastrophic, for assuming the worse. maybe it wasn’t going to be bad, maybe good things were around the corner for you.

yet, calling will smith simply a good thing was minimizing.

after bringing you to his favourite restaurant for the evening, sharing so many stories about himself that made you feel like you were long lost friends, after going for a ride around town and reaching the best viewpoint of the area, stargazing on the hood of his car as you talked about girl scout cookies and snorkeling and your favourite punk-rock band, you felt like you were breathing fresh air for the first time in your life.

“so,” he mumbled quietly as he started the car, after offering to drive you back home. “when are we doing this again?”

your voice stuttered slightly while you tried your best to form a coherent sentence. “again? with me? like, this, again?”

his brows furrowed and he looked towards you briefly as he backed up from the parking spot and onto the dry and softly lit road.

“i thought we had a good time together, did i get the wrong impression?”

“no! i’m sorry, i enjoyed being with you, i’m just… confused. i didn’t- i mean, i wasn’t going to assume anything.”

what you’d meant to say was you didn’t think he’d want to see you again, but you realized that exposing such an insecure, vulnerable part of yourself after barely one date was most likely going to scare him away. you shook your head as you debated with your own head, and will chuckled as he stole occasional glances to you.

“i understand,” he nodded firmly, slight smirk still pulling at the corner of his lips. “but you don’t have to assume. i do want to go out with you again, i really, really do. if you do too, that is.”

and once again, when you were around him, all your rationality jumped out of the window. you could barely contain your excitement, a smile broke out onto your face despite your attempts to bite it back.

“yeah, of course i do.”

“great, i’ll call you, then.” he replied, car coming to a halt right below your building.

he leaned over towards the passenger side and, as if to seal the deal you’d just made, he pressed a kiss to your cheek, dangerously close to the corner of your lips. your stomach jumped, your heart fluttered. you took a deep breath, trying to regain your composure, before smiling politely and wishing him a good night as you unbuckled the seatbelt and walked out of the vehicle.

your friends couldn’t recall the last time they’d heard you talk about a date with such enthusiasm, but they could all see how radiant you looked as you blushed under their scrutinizing eyes whenever they tried to get some details out of you during brunch the following day. it would’ve taken approximately two years before you got into specifics.

however, as the hours passed and your phone buzzing never signaled a new text from him, your heart filled with doubt all over again. maybe that first date hadn’t gone as well as you’d thought, maybe he’d only said otherwise out of courtesy, to get rid of you without any questions. it wouldn’t surprise you that someone so amazing would have no interest real in you.

the spiral of sick thoughts swallowed you for the rest of the day, that you spent rotting in your own misery locked in the safe walls of your bedroom. it hadn’t even been twenty four hours, but you felt like your world was about to collapse. until your phone buzzed yet again and, after grabbing it unenthusiastically, after having given up on all of your hopes, a short text appeared in a notification bubble, in the middle of your lock screen.

‘sorry i’m late, practice killed me and i napped all noon. breakfast tomorrow? :))’

breath after breath, it was like your heartbeat had finally settled and stopped threatening to break free from your body. your lips curved involuntarily into a soft smile, one that felt freeing after spending the entire day with your usual overthinking.

you stood against the window, eyes darting at the dark sky and the sparkling stars scattered across it. then, the moon caught your attention, so bright and yet straying away from everything else. completely alone, all the time.

your tendency to stray away from affection seemed to fade, but never completely. after your first time together, still laying in bed entangled, a sudden wave of self consciousness hit you and led you to burst the bubble of comfort, just to drive back home and spend the entire night analyzing every action, every word that had come out of will’s mouth, almost desperately looking for something wrong.

but nothing was wrong. will was perfect in everything he did, especially when you were on the receiving end.

there wasn’t an exact breaking point, it was rather a slow succession of events throughout the months, those signs that you have to explain right away, because if you brooded over them even for an extra minute, they’d become too painful.

at first, it was a girl stopping him as the two of you were in the parking lot of the arena, right after a home game. the californian air was warm, the breeze on your exposed arm comforting as you and will walked across the broad expanse of concrete.

then, she approached you. well, she approached will.

you stared at her, not intimidatingly, just taking her in. the more your eyes stayed fixated on her, on the perfect way her hair curled at the ends, on the sultry smile she showed off to your boyfriend as she pulled out her phone to take a picture, the more you felt yourself fall back into the devastation that was your mind.

how easy would it be for will to find someone better than you? clearly, all he needed to do was step outside.

“babe, can you take it?”

will’s sweet voice pulled you out of the unbearable trance you’d put yourself into. your head barely shook, as to bring you back onto earth. you noticed the brunette’s hand - holding her phone - extended towards you, radiant smile still on her face.

you wanted to speak, say something, not seem like a rude person, but your throat was dry and coarse. you nodded, grabbed the phone and shot a couple of pictures. their arms were around each other, not in an inappropriate way, but it was enough to shoot a sharp pain into your chest.

the girl thanked you both with such kind manners that you tried with everything in you to smile at her, forcing a small beam.

will’s arm wrapped around your shoulders the way it had as you left sap center earlier, but it didn’t feel nearly as soothing. he seemed to notice the tension in your muscles, the way your face had gotten completely still and emotionless.

“baby, is everything okay?”

you nodded and hummed, lips slightly tilting in a hint of a smile as you quietly climbed into his passenger seat, praying he wouldn’t push it any further. he didn’t.

you thought it was because he didn’t care, but he was truthfully just trying not to overstep your wishes, and hopeful that you’d open up to him whenever you felt like it.

a couple of weeks later, with summer fast approaching, you decided to give yourself a chance to enjoy the offseason with him in his hometown.

the streets of the small town looked straight out of a movie, and you deeply enjoyed every little detail that will recalled as you two walked through them hand in hand: the kindergarten where he learned how to tie his shoes, the rink he practiced in for the first time, the cafe that had served him the best strawberry milkshakes of his childhood, every small memory he shared seemed to help you get even closer to him.

then, one evening, the two of you decided to tag along to a house party at an old high school friend’s house.

you probably should’ve seen it coming, but the crash down came so unexpectedly fast it knocked your breath out.

you befriended will’s childhood friends immediately, joining in on their conversations and group jokes with an ease that made will’s heart swell in his chest.

the party was about two hours in when someone sitting at your left stood up and called out a name, sarah. your eyes moved swiftly across the room, finally settling on what seemed to be her.

your gaze lingered a moment too long, but you couldn’t stop yourself: sarah was nothing short of a model, taller than you and with long blond hair that looked like they were taken directly from a barbie doll. her smile was contagious and her skin was soft, dazzling, perfect.

quickly enough, everyone around you greeted her warmly, like her mere presence had just reactivated something dormant within their soul. will hugged her, not tightly, not for too long, just a quick and easy hug between old friends, or so you thought.

he introduced the two of you, and you thought nothing more of it until you and will found your seats once again and his hand reached for your own. “you remember sarah, right? i did mention her.”

you looked at him confused, brows furrowed as you went back to every conversation you’d had in the past months. seeing your expression, he smiled softly and joked about your short-term memory.

“my first girlfriend? the one whose hamster i almost killed that one time?”

the words echoed in your ears like shards of glass. your smile faltered, you stood frozen at the table, wooden edge digging into your palm as you clung to it for support. that was his first girlfriend. you felt like a nobody looking at her, and she came first. it wasn’t just easy for him to find someone better than you, it was already done.

you’d known about her, but nothing could have prepared you for the burning sensation of inferiority that would settle in you at the sight of her, drop dead gorgeous and ridiculously nice. how could you even compare to that?

will’s mouth opened, like he wanted to add something else, but closed right after. his hand, still tangled with your own, delivered a firm squeeze under the table.

pushing aside the ache in your chest, you smiled like nothing had happened and nodded, like your vision wasn’t blurred by the anger and the sadness you were feeling. you continued to bond with the group with your usual joyful demeanour, without them knowing it was taking you an absurd amount of self-restraint to not scream and cry and leave.

when you returned from your trip to massachusetts, you avoided will for five days.

five days of being within a ten-minute drive from each other, and yet you kept making up different excuses as to why you couldn’t hang out with him. once it was your grandma who needed help with the tv, once you were too tired after a particularly intense workout at the gym, once you had to meet up with your friends for some well earned girl-time.

none of it was true.

you thought you’d been smart about it, that your fabricated justifications had been enough to fool him.

on the morning of the sixth day, a knock on your door startled you. you weren’t expecting anyone, you’d planned your entire day around your intention to cry and denigrate yourself while motionlessly laying in bed.

nothing could have prepared you for the way your stomach flipped when, on the other side of the wooden frame, the very familiar head of blond curls appeared.

as your gaze darted towards anything that wasn’t will’s tired face, with dark circles and messy hair and eyes full of concern, you felt like your heart was disintegrating from within you. you didn’t think it was possible but seeing him right there, showing up for you after you’d tried so hard to push him away, was making you feel worse.

he did everything he always did when he entered: he took off his jacket, put it on the second knob of the coathanger, grabbed the phone from the right pocket and shoved it in the front pocket of his sweats. when he finished his routine and you inevitably ran out of things around your entryway to observe, you were forced to face all of your worst fears and, finally, face him.

his eyes pierced into yours as he inhaled and exhaled slowly, like the movement was calculated rather than involuntary. he needed to say something that would’ve fixed the situation, something right, because he must’ve done something hurtful to push you away for so long, with little to no explanation.

he cleared his throat before speaking. “why are you hiding from me?”

“i’m not hiding from you.”

“you are.” he said, matter-of-factly, tone not raising one bit. “you’ve always said that even seeing each other for five minutes was enough, but it’s been five days since i’ve last seen you.”

“i’ve been bus-” you started, interrupting yourself when will shook his head firmly.

“there’s no way you haven’t had five spare minutes in the span of five days.”

he was right, you’d had an unreasonable amount of spare time that you’d spent calling yourself things that if will heard he’d go insane, crying yourself to sleep and waking up not even feeling fully conscious. you hadn’t just had five minutes, you’d had five full days to become the shell of yourself, because you knew your presence was irrelevant, that you could be substituted like nothing had happened. you’d seen it yourself.

you inhaled sharply at the recollection, biting the inside of your cheek to calm the nerves. “i don’t know what you want me to say, will. i just wanted some space, that’s all.”

“you want me to leave you more space? is that it?”

christ, no. that was the worst case scenario.

“that’s not what i mean.”

“then what do you mean?” a hint of irritation crept back into his voice. “what’s the problem? talk to me.”

you felt rushed. you felt cornered. you were in a situation where breaking free was impossible. that feeling of sheer panic got straight to your head, your chest felt tight as you cleared your throat, words suffocated while they left your mouth.

“i don’t think this relationship is going anywhere.”

will was stunned, his lips parted slightly as his breathing grew irregular. he felt his legs give up so he sat down at the dining table, hands resting in front of him, twitching and fidgeting.

“what are you talking about, baby?”

“there’s not much more to say.”

“are you kidding me?” he asked, eyes widening ridiculously. “there’s a whole lot to say. did i do something to upset you? what happened?”

you shook your head, nails digging into your sweaty palms as you tried not to cry, lying straight through your teeth. “i’ve been feeling this way for a bit now.”

he was incredulous, eyes blinking back tears as he scanned your face in search of something, anything that would’ve woken him up from that bad dream.

“that’s not true.”

his words were directed at himself rather than you, but it’s not like it made much of a difference; you were too caught up in your own head to pay any attention to what was happening in front of you. you stood there, in front of him, hoping he would just leave you alone and forget about you, go on to live a happy life without the insurmountable burden that you were.

you swallowed your saliva like you had rocks in your mouth, scraping along the inside of your throat and jagging whatever was left of the shell of your body.

“tell me you don’t love me and i’ll believe you.” will said firmly, eyes damp but still full of what could only be described as hope. “look me in the eyes and say it to me.”

“oh fuck you, will!” your venom-filled words fell on his deaf ears, but all he could focus on was the way your voice cracked, and the tears that pooled inside your eyes.

will blinked slowly once, twice, then he stood up from his chair and ran a cautious hand through his hair.

“let’s talk later.”

your brows furrowed with something that was a perfect mix between rage and confusion. “i don’t want to talk later.”

“we’ll solve nothing if we continue right now. let’s both blow off a little steam, yeah?”

he leaned over and pressed a small, burning kiss to your temple, before grabbing his jacket and leaving through the front door. you stood there, speechless and with your arms crossed in front of you, as to shield you from the external world.

you weren’t used to this level of calmness, to being understood without needing to say a word. at first, you thought it wouldn’t help, that your anger would stay boiling under your skin everytime sarah’s face appeared into your head. the more hours passed, the more your feelings shifted into rational thinking.

realistically, you couldn’t bring yourself to be the one to break will’s heart.

a part of you, the most egoistic and selfish part, wished he would walk back through the door and just stitch you up like nothing had happened, fix what was broken, whatever was wrong with you. you wished he could fix you with everything you had.

but he couldn’t. and, even if he tried, you would never let him. you wouldn’t let him near your decaying soul, you couldn’t let him rot with you.

your eyes were vacant, staring in the distance. your chest was rising and falling in shallow, rapid gasps as the debate within you seemed to never cease. you tried to be the bigger person, to end things and let him be, but the slightest resemblance of a pout on his face had been enough to stop you in your tracks.

scavenging through the depths of your mind in search of something that would ease the hurt in your soul, that would help you finally make up your mind and prepare the speech you were going to deliver to will, you could only find joyous moments and heartfelt words exchanged by the two of you.

you remembered the first time he said ‘i love you’, the wave of uncertainty that faded with time, replaced by trust and a newfound self awareness that you could actually be loved, and will did it so effortlessly. yet, at the slightest complication, everything fell apart.

it wasn’t because of will, it was solely and purely because of the twisted mind games you played on yourself.

the vortex of thought swallowed you and the concept of time that passed, and you only realized once you heard a new set of knocks on your door. he was back, and you were more of a mess than you were when he left. you had obtained no clarity, no calmness, nothing but chaos.

will’s demeanour, on the other hand, had completely shifted. as soon as your front door opened to let him in, he took the few steps that separated you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a tight and much needed embrace. you inhaled, smelling his cologne and slight notes of your own perfume, which had lingered on his jacket for more than a week, just how he liked.

after days of barely hanging it together, harsh sobs rippled through you before you could stifle them.

“shh, it’s okay,” will mumbled, hands caressing your back like you were made of porcelain. “let it all out and then you can tell me what’s been bothering you.”

not sure where to start, you just let him take care of you for a while longer. he sat on the couch with you, grabbed a cup of water, held you close until your breathing went back to normal, until you finally managed to get words out.

it wasn’t easy to explain, you’d never revealed so much about yourself to anyone, especially not something that caused so much shame and so much suffering to you. will didn’t judge you, because he never did: he listened to your confused words as you tried to make sense of your deepest, most secret feelings, hand still entangled with your own. he nodded occasionally, squeezed your hand when needed, never interrupted.

those big blue eyes seemed to be staring directly into your soul, but never in an unsettling manner. if anything, you felt finally seen.

he reassured you in the best way he could, choosing his words carefully as he told you you deserved everything good that had been given to you, that every word and action that came from him always came from a place of pure love and adoration, that you didn’t have to worry about anyone from his past, that you were the one and only who could make his heart beat out of his chest. and you stood there, for once in your life really taking those words in, as he didn’t dare interrupt your thoughtful silence.

“you know,” you started, voice cracking after not speaking for a couple of minutes. “i’ve always felt miserable, in every relationship i’ve ever been in. now, i felt the most miserable when you left.”

“i don’t wanna leave, ever.”

“you don’t know that. i don’t know that, and the fact that i don’t makes me feel crazy, like one day i’ll just wake up and you’ll disappear because you got tired of me.”

“you think i don’t wanna be with you, that i’ll get tired of you?” he scoffed, not mockingly, almost like he was surprised. “you have no idea how hard it is for me to stay away from you, even for half a day.”

your eyes watered all over again before you could realize, not giving you a proper chance to fight it back this time. will promptly noticed, his hands took ahold of yours and his thumbs brushed your knuckles with the same care he put in everything that regarded you. his head shook slightly, before he spoke again.

“every time i drop you off at your place, i wish you could just stay with me forever. when i get home, i hug my pillow and wish it was you, because i can’t fall asleep otherwise. yeah, you might kick me and drool all over my shirt,” he said, interrupted by your breathless chuckles that brought a smile back to his own face as well. “but you’re my first thought every morning.”

he was looking at you with that dopey, sickening grin, the one that showed his teeth just enough to have you swooning. you inhaled deeply, corner of your lips shifting into a sincere smile in the middle of your tear-streaked face.