sam

he'd rarely taken off his cross before. he wouldn't take it off when he slept. he wouldn't take it off during his games despite the pendant of the cross snapping over his heart. it was always visible through glimpses under his clothes.

but now his fingers are hooked around the clasp, and he can't seem to make himself let go of it. all that's running through his head is: is this a mistake? oh but i want this so bad... god will forgive me, right? if i pray enough? go to confession?

you think back to the baptismal promises you made during your confirmation, how you'd renounce satan and all his works and empty promises. surely if you just go to confession and do what the priest says, you'll be fine. you see the hint of fear and slight hesitation behind his eyes, reaching for the back of his neck, helping him take it off. the same thoughts have been running through your head.

"hey... i'm nervous too."

"really?" will says, surprised to see he isn't alone in the way he's feeling. "do you still wanna do this?"

"yeah... only if you want to as well."

will nods, confirming that he still wants to go through with having sex. feeling a bit more comfortable now, he's able to take his cross necklace off and set it aside in a drawer in his bedside table, outside of his view. there's no way he can be reminded of god, and his dedication to his faith, all whilst he's fucking you.

he gets a condom from the same drawer, his necklace replacing its spot. there's no way he could risk having a child out of wedlock, not when he's already committing premarital sex.

he gently takes off your clothes, breath hitching at the sight of you that he's never seen before. his bulge aches beneath his boxers, already forgetting about his worries from before. he undresses himself, releasing his cock, and letting out a sigh of relief. he rolls the condom on his cock, and starts lining himself up.

will runs his cock up and down your slit, collecting some of your slick from the built up excitement, despite the worries, on his tip.

"i'll go slow... tell me if you wanna stop, okay?"

you nod your head frantically, just wanting him already.

he starts pushing himself in, and at first, it's not at all what you thought having sex would feel like. it feels all tight and kind of painful, wondering why people would like this. but the more will pushes in, and the more your cunt gets used to and stretches around his cock, the better it feels.

will lets out breathless moans by your ear, taking in every moment and how tight you feel around him. he can't get enough of this, and just wants more. he slowly starts picking up his pace, moving his hips against yours faster.

he drags a hand down your chest, and brushes lightly over clit. he notices how you inhale sharply at the feeling, and presses down harder, applying more pressure as he circles his fingers.

both yours and will's moans get louder, and breaths get heavier. all that can be heard is the string of curses coming from the both of you -- "fuck... shit..."

he peppers sloppy kisses by your neck in between all his moans and grunts. you're both so overwhelmed with the feeling of pleasure -- the way you feel so full and your clit is so stimulated because of him, and the way your cunt clenches around his cock -- and the guilt of all of this long forgotten now.

"holy... will-" you let out, letting him know you were about to reach your high.

"i know..." he says as he continues to rut his hips against yours. "oh my god."

you clench around him, arching your back as he helps you ride out your high. feeling the way you tightened around him, will's hips jerk as he reaches his own high, spilling into the condom.

he waits for a moment, allowing you two to catch your breaths before pulling out. he carefully takes the condom off, and ties it off before throwing it into a bin nearby.

will takes you in one of his arms, the other one reaching for his necklace in the drawer. he looks at the cross for a second, brushing his thumb over it before starting to put it on. he struggles with the clasp a bit and without saying anything, you take over, helping him put his necklace back on. once it's fastened, he adjusts the placement of the cross, making sure it sits right where he wants it to.

he fiddles with it for a bit, clearly lost in his own thoughts, the worries from earlier starting to flood back in. you grab at the hand he was using to fidget with, stopping it, and bringing it in your own hand and onto your lap.

"hey..." he turns to you, snapping out of his thoughts when he hears you. "it's going to be okay."

his thumb brushes the back of your hand, not fully convinced yet. "but... what if..." he struggles to meet your eyes. his mind rushes back to all the catholic teachings he's been taught throughout the years: no lusting, no fornication, no use of contraception.

"fuck," he thinks to himself. "i'm going to hell, aren't i?"

you turn his head toward you, breaking him from his thoughts. "i know you're anxious... and so am i."

hearing that you once again share the same feelings as him, just being able to hide it better than he can, eases him a bit.

"we can go to confession first thing tomorrow."

his ears perk up, remembering that confession is a thing. that immediately released some tension from him, and you rub your free hand along his shoulders.

"we're not sinners are we?" he says, barely above a whisper.

you purse your lips, closing your eyes to stop and not let the tears that were forming fall from your eyes, and shake your head, barely able to let any words out.

in all honesty, you're worried too and just try not to show it. it's not like you regretted having sex with him, it was great and felt amazing. but the voice in the back of your head just keeps getting louder now, saying how you've just gone against the teachings.

"let's just go to sleep now," you manage to let out.

you rest your head on will's chest, with one of your hands now fiddling with his cross. his hand rests above yours, feeling your small movements under his palm. his other arm wraps around you, keeping you close.

you both just lay there in silence waiting for your minds to drift off, praying that the morning comes by soon.

it happens gradually the more you attend connor's games. at first, it was just remembering the number he played with. then it was taking mental note of "minten" on his jersey. suddenly, whenever connor's team takes the ice, your eyes search for fraser before anyone else.

the moment you realise you're looking for fraser each game, hockey all of a sudden becomes a lot more interesting.

you start paying attention during games instead of daydreaming and getting lost in your own thoughts. you ask questions about plays and strategies.

your parents think that you're finally taking an interest in hockey, and seeing why connor loves it so much. but only you know the truth.

as the years pass, it becomes almost embarrassing how often you find yourself looking for opportunities to talk to him. if he's lingering around the rink for a bit after games, you find yourself making excuses to stay back a bit. if connor invites some of his teammates over, you spend far longer downstairs than usual before retreating to your room.

you never push yourself into conversations, just hoping that they would happen and occur naturally. and whenever they do, they stay with you for days.

the worst part of it all is how he is always nice to you. he remembers things you tell him. he asks how school is going. he waves at you whenever he sees you at the games. all small gestures that probably mean nothing to him but would become the highlight of your week.

by the time you're old enough to realise you have a crush on him, it feels less like a discovery, and more like accepting the feelings that have always been there.

everyone at the rink cheers when connor scores, and you do too of course. but whenever fraser scores, your voice carries just a little farther, and your applause lasts a little longer. and if anyone looked closely, they'd notice the way your smile seems slightly bigger after one of fraser's goals than anyone else's.

even though you may have grown up around hockey because of connor, somewhere along the way, fraser becomes the reason you keep showing up.