The World Ended In 2012.. This Is Just Hell

im just so obsessed with the things that come out of my mouth

my dog after he throws up

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every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

i looked at my calendar turns out it is both saturday and june

I checked again and apparently we’re halfway through 2021

when i put away the largest longest kitchen knife from the dishwasher to the knife block for the moment it’s in my hand i become the final girl in a horror movie. and then i go back to normal after

dude stop telling me to count dracula I only ever see the one

what’s up guys i detach a little more from reality every single day

blaze it, i whisper as i light my homework on fire

I’VE WAITED 2 FUCKING YEARS TO POST THIS BECAUSE I MISSED 420 2 FUCKING YEARS IN A ROW

If every grown ass man who wanted to fuck teenage girls died tomorrow the world would be a brighter place.

if anybody has beef with me, it’s one-sided. i do not care. i do not have the energy. i am tired.

Truth

[ID: the bug’s bunny meme. the text has been edited to read “i wish all people who have lost all motivation to complete even the simplest tasks during this pandemic a very pleasant evening. /end ID]

my best feature is that I'm blindingly intelligent for about 30 seconds a day

I do not get to choose which seconds. they are not consecutive