keep going

ofc! basically I got a bachelors abroad in film and the job market dried up w covid and that mess so I spent a few years working (overworking honestly) in something completely unrelated and gradually became more and more miserable till it actually affected my health (I’m better now I’m getting meds and treatment but that’s a long probably unnecessary story so I’ll spare you lol) . So after getting a reality check I realised I didn’t want to spend my life like that, just existing waiting for something to change in an environment where nothing ever did yknow? (didn’t help that my closest coworker got more and more hostile until I was crying after every other shift but oh well)

I spent over a year looking at options along w my dr and other people helping me and decided that getting a different degree would be my best solution unless I want to end up on welfare (again another story blablabla), so to sum up I’m now getting a bachelors in nursing! It’s very intimidating since I graduated uni 7 years ago so I don’t remember what being a student is like and I haven’t attended uni at home so that’s a different experience to add on to it but I’m hopeful and excited to learn new things and try to focus on that as much as possible. For the age thing I just turned 30 so I 100% understand the fear I was terrified going into this but this first week has truly shown that people don’t really give two fucks, everyone asks how old everyone is bc it’s a common easy question but no one has like made me feel bad about my age actually the other way around which was very unexpected but has been nice.

It’s only been one week and it’s been mostly social events and a bit of lectures but next week it’s full go so I’ll probably yap here about how the semester continues to go but for now I’m happy I went through with this and quit my toxic job.

Something that helped me through it and reflect properly on my life is that we humans often stay in bad situations instead of trying something new because there’s an comfort in the negativity you know vs the fear of failing at something new. Usually it’s not even a conscious decision, it’s tied to an underlying anxiety that’s grown with you as you go through hardships that seemingly never end. It’s what kept me in that job for 6 years where the last 3 were hell, it took me losing two very important people last year out of nowhere to finally snap out of it. There’s a possibility I fail this degree and have to find something else entirely but at least I can say I gave it my all and broke out of the bubble and that’s actually good enough. I did the scary thing, I’m doing what I’ve been scared to do for 4 years and it’s actually going well!