hey. anon. you don't have to have it figured out. you are taking space the community has, since day one, reserved for questioning folks because you were ALWAYS meant to own it. if you feel seen and accepted here? frankly, I don't give a shit if you end up deciding you were always alloromantic so long as you felt safe to explore that here. if you were "wrong", if things change, if you're a late bloomer, if you never figure it out, - hey, guess what? I want you here while you feel like this provides you a safe place to explore that.

the mods were a bona fide late bloomer. we were asexual in a "never felt that" or "if we felt it it was so weak we didn't notice / couldn't tell" until 19. then, all of a sudden, bam! sexual attraction to a random person in a grocery store. and honestly? it was fine. we were ace. we aren't now. we could claim a lot of labels, truth be told, but we personally have always found it safer to explore and talk about even that experience in the aro community, and never felt safe talking about it in the ace community here. maybe that's changed. i hope it has.

there's folks who are formerly-aro who interact in the aro community still, and I'm happy for them. a lot of them felt they learned a lot about amatonormativity, and can have a healthier experience with their romantic attraction because of it. I will always feel more comfortable around them than someone who is boldly, proudly excluding their participation.

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

this is alloarophobia

I tried my hand at making an allosexual aromantic flag, after some discussion with others; It was fairly well received on Arocalypse, so I thought I’d post it here. Obviously, no one has to use this flag if they don’t want to, and if you’re interested, I’ve created a survey to gather input on the flag: https://goo.gl/forms/PFINgMKNDfa0UDLh2

It was important to me that the flag very obviously look like an offshoot of the aro flag, and I kept the shades of green the same as the aro flag for convenience of use. The color gold was chosen as the second color not only because it looks nice with green, but also because it’s the opposite of purple on the color wheel (with purple being the color associated with asexuality). As for what the color stripes represent:

Green - The aromantic community. Our place in this community and the solidarity and support we share with fellow aros. (Aro green.)

Light green - Lack of attraction, differentiating us from others. This obviously includes lack of romantic attraction, but can also include aros who don’t desire close platonic partnerships, aros who identify as ace-spec along with another sexual orientation, etc. (Also aro green, because lack of romantic attraction is what makes us aro.)

White - Diversity of sexuality. For welcoming and uniting all allosexual aros, no matter what their sexual orientation, and for acknowledging a broad range of sexual experiences and relationships with one’s own sexuality. (White, because white light is made up of all other colors of light mixed together.)

Light gold - Relationships, be they sexual relationships, QPRs, romantic relationships, friendships, family bonds, or any other type of relationships. (Light gold, because our relationships are important and precious, but not always necessary or defining of who we are.)

Things I have seen people insist are platonic and anyone who says otherwise “doesn’t understand friendship”:

Kissing

Petting someone’s hair after that person says that only romantic partners get to touch their hair

Kissing (with tongue)

Demanding your friend stay single and celibate because any romantic relationship or sexual activity = betraying your friendship/cheating

Buying someone extremely expensive gifts of the sort traditionally given as a romantic gesture in your culture

Naked massage for emotional bonding purposes

The Folgers Incest Commercial

Extensive hours-long texting exchanges that you hide from your spouse, with someone you gush extensively about to your actual friends and say you connect with in a deeper and more meaningful way than you ever could with said spouse

Every censored cdrama based on an explicit gay romance

Insisting on sleeping in the same bed together when separate beds are available

Naked cuddling

Naked spanking

Hand jobs

Every gay relationship a historical figure has ever been in, including the ones where historians have copies of their love letters and diary entries full of musings about how they like to fuck other women

Whatever Louis and Lestat have going on in the book version of Interview with a Vampire

Blow jobs

Actual literal penetrative sex. For the purposes of sexual gratification. The person in question insisted that they had “platonic sex” with their friends and insisted that this was considered different from being “friends with benefits” because it was “nonsexual sex.”