this is arophobia

this is a blog based on the other "this is _" blogs to be about arophobia due to its lack of acknowledgement

please understand that this blog is specifically about aromantics and arophobia. and not to send asks or tag us in posts about alloace specific things.

this blog will also post asks about solidarity and aro acceptance but is mainly discrimination focused.

"#not arophobia related" is for posts not about arophobia

mod likes to goof around and is ok with joke asks as long as they r stated to be jokes

mod is aroallo and is a man who uses he/him

mod is a youtube/google boycotter. do not send me youtube links. you will be ignored and blocked if repeated

people get so uncomfortable or grossed out or scared of me or they get all quiet and go "..oh" yknow that kind of reaction? like everyone asks and gushes about labels and partners and once i share ive ruined the mood or something they werent asking about queerness they were asking about attractions they wanted to talk about labels and crushes and i always feel like i ruin that becuase im a man i dont catagorize myself the same and i dont really get crushes i dont partner up i just have sex and its with men its like doubley what people dont like and dont want to hear

im somehow preying on women and people they catagorize as women (dispite the fact theyre not women just because those people certain bodies barf terf bs) somehow im preying on them despite the fact im not attracted to any of them or their body types but also im evil and sexist because im not sexually attracted to them and i dont want to date them but im still nice to them so that means im leading them on because why would a man be nice to somene else????? wow

ugh its such a headache i dont even know how to articulate the feeling of going around in a group talking about sexuality and then they get to you and you give a answer tehy dont like and the cold feeling of oh they dont actually like me they dont accept me at all theyll just lie to themselves about me and then you dont feel like youre in your body and you just have to act out the rest of the hang out like a play fake whatever until its over be nice until you can just go home and get away i think its the realization ill need to just dissasociate through this to make it through the converstions because either way these peopel dont like and accept me or even know me because they cant accept me

and if you keep being nice after the converstions gone south theyll treat you like a dog liek youre stupid or soemthing like sure youre queer but youre a man and youre not like actually queer or anything so you must just be like out of the loop right? youre just kind of clueless who can expect anything better out of someone like you theyll talk down to you i think thats what it is thats what its been this whole time

adn you cant bring up the fact you have a sexuality either and anything about sex and attracted you do feel because "omg thats like nasty haha ewwwwww oh my godddddd" once they find out the attraction exists outside of partnership and romance then its like all just disgusting its not about love anymore its "like.. gross dude.. no one wants to hear about that" its not that its coming of age or accepting yourself and talking about people you care about and like or anything no its like suddenly explicit i guess because well cmon you cant actually care about these peoples wellbeings if youre just having sex with them and not dating them... (sarcasm. the people i sleep with dont have any kind of extra special bond or anything on top of what it is but i do care about them were friends not in a partnerhship way or in a special way but we are friends and i trust them enough to sleep with them and then i know their body too because weve been intimate and i care about their wellbeing the sex isnt coupley or partnery either. it frusterates me when people act like sleeping with someone makes them your partner on some level. we have sex not romantically. as friends. and i like that !!!! it makes me happy!!))

Why is this community centering, fictional characters, headcannoned as aro, over real aro people, to the point of drowning out posts about real life

Like holy shit, surely i can't be the only one that finds this incredibly upsetting, fucked up, and alienating

im actually not sure about this 1.

yes this site will have fandom be very prominent and thats the case for a lot of this site but i wont deny that i see way more fandom/non-irl posts in the aro tag than other 2slgbtqia tags. plus peoples want to post and interact with things about fictional queer characters more that irl people is sometimes based on (mostly unintentional) queerphobia

the prefix caed- or caedo- in caedromantic indicates that the person was alloromantic at some point, but traumatic experiences resulted in the person developing aromanticism. while the traumatic experiences can [and usually do] involve unhealthy romantic relationships, any form of trauma can result in a caedo- identity

for some reason caedos are really frowned upon? because to allos its like "ohh you just havent found the right person yet!" or "just go to therapy, itll fix that!" as if there was something to fix but when interacting in queer spaces its all "you have to be BORN aromantic to count" and "youre pushing stereotypes of us!!!"

while i do understand that aspec identities are often chalked off as mental illness or the person being "broken", caedromantics arent trying to perpetuate any stereotypes. caedromantic people just. exist. and it doesnt make us any less aromantic as someone who was born aromantic, or someone who developed aromanticism overtime, or any type of aromantic out there. i was so afraid of coming to terms with the fact that my aromanricism stemmed from trauma because i thought i was "proving arophobes right", and i hated myself for it for almost a year.

a good friend of mine once said genuine experiences cant feed into stereotypes because people live and experience the world in unique ways, and it coincidentally aligning with a stereotype in some way is simply unfortunate. and its true. to any caedoromantics out there, the source of your lack of attraction doesnt make it any less respectable or 'valid' [i dont like using that word but im out of ideas]

so yeah. the exclusion and injustice caedromantics face is arophobia.

this is arophobia

kinda ties in with polyphobia (may or may not be the right term, sorry), I also get a lot of “ew gross, aren’t you just cheating? Do your partners know?!” Which is. So lovely.

And of course nobody is capable of using Google so I always have to explain one or both of these things

“ah i understand, so it’s like romance lite?”

most tags related to my aro id r so empty (especially arospike) and i just wish we got more rep and were talked about more. i myself am demiromantic and arospike and literally nobody ('nobody' in this use meaning very few) even know thats a thing. i only today saw somebody even make a flag for that experience

no i am still loveless. no you're being kind of odd about this. hope you feel better though.

this is not arophobia