Here's a few of her words of wisdom:
1. Find your people. First off, we donât have to go it alone.
When I was struggling to know who to trust and where to be myself, I found I had three categories of people in my life:
People I was honest with but who didnât have enough information to harm me, such as people online who I was a girl with, but who didnât know my name or where I lived
People I lied to so they couldnât out or harm me, which were most of the people I knew IRL
People I was honest with and trusted them to look after me, like a best friend or a blood relative whoâs a steadfast allyâ .
Having these groups in mind helped me to make immediate decisions about where I could share information and still be safe, like how I was able to be myself online as long as I was using a different name and not sharing anything identifiable. Your people could look like friends IRL, or on Scarleteen, Discord or somewhere else online, it might be family members, the relatives of a friend you know, fellow gamers, or a pen pal.
2. Find the safe places to be yourself in. While the increasing reach of fascists can make it harder to feel safe to be ourselves in public, they canât take away our ability to know who we are and to be that self in private. This might be in your own home, whether around trusted friends and family or in private; it could be online, talking to friends or strangers (like in the community spaces here). Maybe itâs playing a game as a character that feels closer to how you want to be, or in a written form, like in a diary or private blog. Whatever it is, having an outlet to be yourself can make the times you arenât able to be just a bit easier to bear.
3. Find trusted information networks. Trans people have always found ways of sharing information, even in the most restrictive and risky circumstances, because there is a truth in us that will always be there. This information has been hard to access in the pastâfrom paper copies of zines or letters, from the occasional medical publication, and by word of mouth.
If you havenât come across a trusted source before, youâre in luck: youâre reading one right now! I really recommend looking up zines and other publications by and for trans people, which are more accessible than ever online. Some favourite topics of mine include comprehensive hormones information, sexy sex ed, trans dating and blogs or personal essays about why being trans is cool and hot.
4. Look to those whoâve come before. At my darkest moments, when it all feels at its most hopeless, I always turn to our histories. Despite everything, trans people have existed for as long as humans have (which is a really bloody long time).
I really encourage you to read things about and by the trans people that came before us, and in particular to people who lived and loved and fought in the same part of the country or world as you. If you can find copies, try Susan Strykerâs Transgender History, Leslie Feinbergâs Transgender Warriors, and Kit Heyamâs Before We Were Trans, and round it out with the beautiful I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thomâif youâre taken with any of them in particular, hit the reference list and keep reading!
5. Make plans for the future. For me, this was the hardest part, the part that hurt the most, and also the part that allowed me to survive.
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