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@spindellilja

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Hit rock bottom again and woke up at three in the afternoon today after bawling my eyes out all night. I feel like Kevin Day. All i'm missing is the copious amounts of alcohol
Coping with the worst withdrawal of my life right now by thinking of medicated Andrew in withdrawal. Kevin in TFC glancing over at Andrew lying on his side on the bench. His head his spinning, and there's a pressure in the front of his skull that won't go away. His chest is tight, and he tries to convince himself that he's gotten used to the overpowering nausea. He's in a cold sweat. Nora's said that he doesn't cry. I don't cry either, but the overstimulation makes you. Andrew doesn't cry, but his body shakes in a way that mimics it from far away. They're violent convulsions, and they're constant. It feels like he's being electric-shocked.
To Andrew, this is worth it. The physical illness is worth getting back his agency. This way, once the withdrawal has subsided, he's in control. He can control what comes out of his mouth. He's not outside of his own body, watching himself take actions he wouldn't when sober. He can try and take reign over how his trauma presents itself.
Threw up and cried about ten minutes after posting this i fear. The Andrew posting did not help like I hoped it would
Coping with the worst withdrawal of my life right now by thinking of medicated Andrew in withdrawal. Kevin in TFC glancing over at Andrew lying on his side on the bench. His head his spinning, and there's a pressure in the front of his skull that won't go away. His chest is tight, and he tries to convince himself that he's gotten used to the overpowering nausea. He's in a cold sweat. Nora's said that he doesn't cry. I don't cry either, but the overstimulation makes you. Andrew doesn't cry, but his body shakes in a way that mimics it from far away. They're violent convulsions, and they're constant. It feels like he's being electric-shocked.
To Andrew, this is worth it. The physical illness is worth getting back his agency. This way, once the withdrawal has subsided, he's in control. He can control what comes out of his mouth. He's not outside of his own body, watching himself take actions he wouldn't when sober. He can try and take reign over how his trauma presents itself.
when ur talking to a new online friend and they say "bloody" for the first time
I have been corrected

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Do we think Jean Moreau would like tomato bisque soup. I just made a grilled cheese with tomato bisque soup while thinking about Jean and Renee, and now I'm wondering if he would like the meal I just made.
@schnuspi The grilled cheese 🥹 i also just remembered that it had ham on it. I hope Jean Moreau would like black forest ham
My rapist's (ex)wife wants to meet up with me to talk about the "logistics" of my abuse actually happening behind closed doors. The switch up is insane. She said when I was fourteen that she "knows better than to say it couldn't have happened", wtf changed lmfao
you don't find aftg, it finds you when you're ready
pls give me 1(one) reason aces have ever been oppressed, and 1(one) example of aces being a part of lgbt history(before 2004 at least) and then maybe i’ll consider the idea that aces belong in the lgbt community lol
Proof of the existence of asexuals in LGBT+ communities before 2000:
The Golden Orchid association (1644-1949) - a group of women in China that included lesbians, bisexuals, and “women who wanted to avoid both marriage options, and any romantic or sexual partnership” that today we would call asexual or aromantic.
Another Golden Orchid association link (which, interestingly, describes what appears to be a poly relationship).
Personal experience of a queer-identifying person noting that aces were part of the bi community in the 80s and 90s.
A book published in 1999 supports the previous link of someone’s personal experience, and notes that asexuals could be considered part of Kinsey’s “Group 3″ (the bisexuals) because they were “about equally homosexual and heterosexual” and “have no strong preferences for one or the other” just like bisexuals.
Another book that supports the personal experience source by noting that asexuals were considered part of the bisexual “Group 3″, which was published in 1999.
Another post of someone’s personal experiences of asexuals being part of the LGBT+ community in the 90s.
A source from 1999 noting that, while some female-female relationships in the early to mid-twentieth century were obviously lesbian relationships, not all of them were, but that it would be a mistake to label them all “friendships”. It specifically notes that asexual partnered relationships also existed.
This book describes a series of interviews done in 1990 by Catherine Whitney who interviewed heterosexual women married to gay men, and found that they were often asexual. It also describes how, in 1990, Ann Landers (a very popular advice columnist) asked her readers if married couples could enjoy a full life without sex and was flooded with 35,000 responses from people of all ages who had little or no sex and didn’t miss it. It also describes how “Boston marriage” was originally coined with a not-necessarily-always-accurate implication that such a relationship between women was nonsexual, but that later on the assumption was reversed to imply women in a sexual lesbian relationship, and how that caused some women involved in such relationships to hide the asexual nature of their relationships for fear of being called frauds by the larger lesbian community.
This 1997 book that states “To be a Kinsey 3 (bisexual) is to be equally attracted to men and women, i.e. completely bisexual…it is also to be equally unattracted to men and women, i.e. completely asexual. Bisexuality is never about two, only about one – asexual, or self-fulfilling – or three – continuously and equally attracted to both men and women”.
Proof of asexuality being considered as a concrete, distinct orientation before 2000:
One of the first online posts about asexuality in its current use, was made in 1997.
A study on anorexia and bulemia in gay and bisexual men done in 1999 found that 58% of anorexia patients were asexual.
The 1997 Australasian Gay & Lesbian Law Journal mentions asexual as a “relevant sexual identity”.
A 1983 issue of the Journal of Sex Research studied the Mental Health Implications of Sexual Orientation among heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual people.
The article “Asexuality as Orientation: Some Historical Perspectives” describes different historical studies on asexuality, including a study from Johnson in 1977 where the word asexual was used to describe women “regardless of physical or emotional condition, actual sexual history, and marital status or ideological orientation, [who] seem to prefer not to engage in sexual activity”. It also describes a 1980 study by Storms who included asexual as one of four orientation categories when mapping out sexual orientation. It also describes a 1983 study by Nurius that found out of 685 participants, 5% of males and 10% of females were asexual. It also describes a 1990 study by Berkley et al. that included questions “related to homosexuality, heterosexuality, and asexuality” and included four items (out of 45) that were specific to asexuality.
This book published in 1922 contains a lot of what I personally would describe as narcissism and pseudo-science, but acknowledges asexuality nonetheless: “In addition to the ordinary distinctive males and females, we have asexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, and old women of both sexes.”
This book from 1996 that notes “A transsexual may have a heterosexual orientation, a homosexual orientation, a bisexual orientation – or an asexual orientation” and clarifies that “a very small number – are asexual or bisexual.”
This book mentions a study by Malyon in 1981 that noted the options available to gay and lesbian teenagers choosing whether, or how, to come out by “[describing] three possible modes of adaptation in adolescence: repression of sexual desire, suppression of homosexual impulses in favor of heterosexual or asexual orientation, or a homosexual disclosure.”
Kinds of oppression that asexuals face:
Eunjung Kim wrote a chapter titled “How Much Sex Is Healthy? The Pleasures of Asexuality” that describes how “the absence of sexual desires, feelings, and activities is seen as abnormal and reflective of poor health” in Western contemporary culture “because of the explicit connection between sexual activeness and healthiness” and argues that “medical explanations of asexuality as an abnormality that has to be corrected constitute a large part of the stigmatization and marginalization experienced by asexual people.” It also discusses the ways in which some groups, specifically Asian American males, that are desexualized can erase the space for asexual Asian American men to simply exist.
Asexuals also face sexual harassment, rape threats, corrective sexual assault, and corrective rape (which, no, is not a lesbian-only term according to actual South Africans) specifically because they are asexual.
There was a recent study by the AAU to identify sexual assault on college campuses, and broke down the responders to their survey by sexual orientation, including asexual. The results clearly show that asexuals are not immune to unwanted sexual contact, stalking, intimate partner violence, or sexual harassment.
A chapter of “Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives” that notes the specific way that asexual people are talked to/about: “Because asexual difference cannot be iterated in the linguistic field where sex and a sexed position dominate the discourse of sexuality and desire, the asexual subject is linguistically and visually dismantled and reconstructed in the position of a fetish object. This fetishistic conversion happens because the asexual person is made into an image, or spectacle, for consumption.” and “The difference between the unassailable asexual (someone who lacks all of the traits commonly blamed for asexuality such as past history of abuse, disability, etc.) and the spectacular asexual is that while the unassailable asexual allegedly makes asexuality digestible for a skeptical public and presents an accessible image, the spectacular asexual is always consumed as a fetish object, regardless of mental health, ability, and gender.”
The study “Intergroup bias toward “Group X”: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination of asexuals” is exactly what it sounds like. The article’s abstract states: “In two studies (university student and community samples) we examined the extent to which those not desiring sexual activity are viewed negatively by heterosexuals. We provide the first empirical evidence of intergroup bias against asexuals (the so-called “Group X”), a social target evaluated more negatively, viewed as less human, and less valued as contact partners, relative to heterosexuals and other sexual minorities. Heterosexuals were also willing to discriminate against asexuals (matching discrimination against homosexuals). Potential confounds (e.g., bias against singles or unfamiliar groups) were ruled out as explanations.”
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality describes many issues that asexuals face, including: how asexuality is seen as “invisible” and lends to people thinking it does not exist, how asexuality is actively erased as “unimportant” or not its own identity, the explicitly and implicitly negative messages associated with a lack of sexual attraction, the fear asexuals face when they believe there is something physically or psychologically wrong with them for being asexual, the belief asexuals face about how they must be deeply flawed since they do not conform to other sexual identities, how asexuals face cultural ideologies that sexuality is biologically based and ubiquitous (that all humans possess sexual desire) and that don’t acknowledge asexuality, that to describe oneself as asexual is a statement of moral superiority or purity or failure to find a suitable partner, that asexuality is an immature state they will “grow out of”, that asexuality is a description of action or a preference, that asexuality is unnatural or unhealthy or has to be a symptom of something else, etc.
Asexuality has been shown in the media in a negative light for decades, reflecting the idea that (for various reasons steeped in classism and racism) any woman who wasn’t willing to marry and procreate was a threat to the status quo, as seen in this 1955 book that notes: “Women who did not marry incurred political and social scorn for another reason. The influx of eastern and southern European immigrants in the United States pushed the question into eugenic terms–the wrong people were reproducing. Educated women came primarily from white middle- and upper-class stock, the most desired element by dominant social norms. When these women refused to marry and reproduce, they forced a new concern into the public discourse. it is not a coincidence that the stereotypical asexual unmarried older woman emerged at this time as a source of popular humor.”
Some people in some religions are very explicit about hating asexuals specifically because they are asexual, seeing asexuality as “a perversion akin to homosexuality and bestiality”.
Other religions see asexuals as actually sinful if they choose not to have sex with their spouse.
While not every member of every religion looks down on asexuals, many people in portions of various religions choose to view asexuals negatively.
Some people even recommend asexuals avoid being in a relationship with non-asexuals and assert that “promoting and trying to spread” asexuality, or behaving in an asexual manner, is wrong or unhealthy.
Because of these religious beliefs about asexuality, that also opens up asexuals to discrimination in various legal ways, including (but not limited to) things like the new adoption bill in Texas.
Asexuality was implicitly pathologized until very recently, and even now, the DSM-V states that a diagnosis of HSDD may not be given only if the patient has a preexisting knowledge of asexuality and chooses to ID that way.
TL;DR:
Asexuals have long been considered part of the bisexual community. When people used to talk about bisexuals, it included asexuals because asexuals were the bisexuals too. Bisexual history is asexual history.
Asexuals have also long been considered as a stand-alone orientation that was part of larger non-straight communities and could be studied in comparison to other sexual orientations.
Asexuals face many of the same issues that other marginalized orientations face as well as issues specific to their orientation. These include erasure, medicalization, misidentification, harassment, rape specifically targeted at them for being asexual, and religious intolerance, to name just a few.
None of this is exhaustive. There are more sources to be found and studied.
please reblog this amazing post!!
I have to note as a historian that refusing to marry and have kids has been pretty much frowned on in virtually every society. A few socities had some kind of out, but that usually meant being bound in other ways (being some kind of holy ascetic and cloistered). This pretty much runs from the moment we know anything about any society to the present.,
There’s always been pressure on asexuals to conform to that norm.
Have some photos from the 1970s:
What’s that?
Both of them have signs showing lists of orientations with “Asexual” included?
Gee, but I thought it wasn’t an orientation until 2004!
im fucking crying

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Never let Andrew Minyard's defensive apathy trick you into believing he's not a deep feeler. That boy is a deep feeler to a critical degree, life just hasn't given him the chance to accept that
For bitches in a killing game, Danganronpa characters are sure willing to place their lives on a culprit within 10 minutes of investigating. Aoi if we vote for Makoto right now we are all going out Hannibal Lecter style. Taken to the chopping block. Put down like a stray dog. What are we doing
Back with more OCD Kevin after talking about it with @spindellilja about this post
To me, Kevin's compulsions don't fit the stereotypical OCD stereotype of being "tidy and meticulous." I think his behavior manifests more as a way for his brain to take patterns, mistakes, routines, and expectations and turn them into rules he feels he must follow.
Deviiiii!!!! I loved this conversation so much, thank you for the lovely Kevin analysis :)
You explained this so well!!! These are some of the same reasons I believe Kevin has PTSD. Having rules for yourself to avoid danger, watching your back constantly, breaking down in private while you're stone-faced when triggered in public, hyperfixating on specific things, running over every single mistake in your mind, what those mistakes could've caused, false events and possible horrible outcomes, never fully learning to let things go because they're always there.
I find it so interesting to see other possible branches of mental illness explored through the same character. Kevin, to me, reads as autistic. He reads to me as someone with PTSD, more specifically C-PTSD. After hearing your thoughts on him, he reads to me as someone with OCD. Trauma can surface in so many different ways, and I just love your depiction of that so much.
His compulsions would be awful. I know very, very well that many of them would include Riko. They would include Jean, Andrew, Neil, Wymack, Kayleigh, all of his people. He's tormented by the mind that carries so much fondness for the people in his life.
Hope you don't mind this little rant in your reblogs!! If you want me to take it down, I absolutely will. :)
religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women
Me when my beautiful wife finally gives birth to our baby and I get so concerned over the wellbeing of the child that I ask the doctors how many toes they have, and then my wife answers ten....
My wife....
My witch wife....

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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My hips don't lie they just spin their way out of confrontations
Do we think Jean Moreau would like tomato bisque soup. I just made a grilled cheese with tomato bisque soup while thinking about Jean and Renee, and now I'm wondering if he would like the meal I just made.