spandex ballet

Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars

I’m a social vampire u gotta invite me into ur conversation or I cannot enter

got an ad on instagram for a group of beatles impersonators that hire out for events and all the comments were asking if they hired them would the paul and john kiss

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

top 10 sex positions that will leave naught but ash in your wake

Stumbles out of google docs covered in blood

“you’re so weird, are you on something?” yeah i’ve been on tumblr for 10+years

every time it rains i have the urge to say “well our plan to stand alone in a field with a metal rod is out” which no one ever recognizes is from phineas and ferb but usually kills anyway